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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To text a one night stand?

328 replies

itistragic · 06/10/2021 19:34

I had a one night stand 2 weeks ago. When I say one night stand, it was a one night stand however he has messaged me periodically the past 6 years basically 'what are you upto' texts that go nowhere. We have also seen each other at gathering etc but nothing ever happened.

Anyway, 2 weeks ago, he messaged me, I said come over and we had sex. It was great, I really enjoyed it. However, I haven't heard from him since and I haven't contacted him either, which is not a problem and to be expected for one night stands. But I find myself tonight really itching to text him, just offering a repeat basically.

Will this come across as desperate? I'm scared that he might reject me? I'm on the larger side (5ft 3 in, 15 stone) , my friends tell me that he wouldn't have slept with me if he had a problem with my weight but I know better.

By messaging him I am in no way hoping for a relationship, I am definetely not looking for that. Just another genuinely amazing shag.

WIBU to message him? And if not...what do I message?

OP posts:
AnotherName456 · 07/10/2021 08:57

I never bother with a woman again who has it on a first night

Ewww you seem creepy as fuck

Ugzbugz · 07/10/2021 08:58

Yeah agree don't block as you will look like you are pissed off and angry.

Just delete the thread and his number, you literally won't give a shit soon....Next.

Mamamamasaurus · 07/10/2021 09:01

IF he ever messages you, just reply with "who's this?"

Arsehole.

But well bloody done for taking the risk, putting yourself out there and asking him, I would struggle and I'd like to give you a pat on the back!

Friendofdennis · 07/10/2021 09:02

I would acknowledge to yourself how this is making you feel and protect yourself from this kind of insulting behaviour from a man in future. If you feel sad because of this don’t deny that Don’t force yourself to feel ‘cool’ about it

Honeyroar · 07/10/2021 09:12

I always think blocking makes you look over dramatic- there’s no need, you just have to be firm in your head. If he tries to pick you up for a booty call later on, tell him the moment has gone, or that you went off him when he was rude enough not to reply to your text!

Balonziaga · 07/10/2021 09:16

Agree re: blocking. Un-necessary drama that elevates the situation to something it isn't.

He's rude and now you know it, you can move on.

Don't let it dent your ego - he fancied you enough to try it on for six years. Go and catch a better fish.

Balonziaga · 07/10/2021 09:18

ps. If he ends up sending you a long, overly complicated excuse about why it took so long to reply, why he doesn't want a repeat and it's not you, it's him and he's not ready for anything that feels like a relationship and he never meant to hurt you, blah blah blah, then you absolutely, one-hundred percent, reply with the 'thumbs up' emoji and nothing more.

Facts.

Redtartanshoes · 07/10/2021 09:22

Just ignore. Don’t block, just put out of your mind. He’s maybe playing hard to get.. but wanting to appear too keen… or he’s a dick.

FTMworrier · 07/10/2021 09:26

**IF he ever messages you, just reply with "who's this?"

Arsehole.

But well bloody done for taking the risk, putting yourself out there and asking him, I would struggle and I'd like to give you a pat on the back!

This ^^ @Mamamamasaurus
I personally would never have had the balls and agree.
Nothing wrong with admitting you enjoyed something.

SunshineCake1 · 07/10/2021 09:28

Why do people walkways say text back who's this? It's not the funny cool response they think it is.

Original poster
itistragic · 07/10/2021 09:37

Thank you all! Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
itistragic · 07/10/2021 09:37

Well apart from that guy Rob

OP posts:
Lovealovestory · 07/10/2021 09:42

@itistragic

Well apart from that guy Rob
Rob the knob
JustAnother0ldMan · 07/10/2021 09:53

I don’t see why the OP is being castigated for reaching out to someone she already has a friendship with for sex, it’s a free country and both parties are grown adults.

I suppose the only issue would be that you have to have enough self confidence/ awareness/ thick skin (if that’s the right term), to accept that you have a 50% chance of being rejected/ ignored.

SummersOverSeasideTown · 07/10/2021 09:56

If you are looking for a FWB situation you and he haven't really done anything wrong. You've said you are up for a repeat, he hasn't taken you up on the offer just yet. But he may. Casual sex is exactly that, no time frame for replying, no rules.
I would never reply quickly to a fwb type text.

BertramLacey · 07/10/2021 09:59

He might be surprised and mulling it over, OP. He might be unsure if it's just an FWB thing or if you're looking for more. Or he could just be rude. Either way, you will eventually have your answer and better to know one way or the other than be forever thinking 'what if I had just texted him?'

silverbubbles · 07/10/2021 10:14

@DollyPartBaked

I mean i would just say 'thinking about the other night Wink - want to meet up again?'

Basically I'd drop the 'loads'. Don't fluff his ego too much Grin

this!!

using 'loads' puts you in a more vulnerable position whereby if he declines you might feel foolish or hurt.

Wife2b · 07/10/2021 10:16

Aw sorry OP

slashlover · 07/10/2021 10:50

Rob the knob

Why is he being called a knob and a twat just because he hasn't replied immediately to a message sent after 2 weeks of silence?

FourteenSixteenTwentyTwo · 07/10/2021 10:55

@slashlover

Rob the knob

Why is he being called a knob and a twat just because he hasn't replied immediately to a message sent after 2 weeks of silence?

He's not. The idiot who posted the misogynist crap is being called Rob the knob.
LBee2020 · 07/10/2021 10:55

@slashlover

Rob the knob

Why is he being called a knob and a twat just because he hasn't replied immediately to a message sent after 2 weeks of silence?

It's a reference to a rude PP not the textee in question
Original poster
itistragic · 07/10/2021 10:55

@slashlover

Rob the knob

Why is he being called a knob and a twat just because he hasn't replied immediately to a message sent after 2 weeks of silence?

We're not speaking about the one night stand guy. We are talking about rob on this thread. Rtft
OP posts:
Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 07/10/2021 10:55

I think Rob the knob is the poster who said they wouldn't bother with a woman who slept with him on a first date (the post was deleted) not the OP's bloke.

StrongbutTired00 · 07/10/2021 10:58

He’s absolutely not right for you. He’s out having casual sex and probably taking advantage and using people and that’s fine if people let him, most men will if they’re given half a chance but he’s already making you feel insecure after just one meet and I would not be laying down for someone who leaves me on read or ‘unread’. You deserve to have your phone pinging all night, seeing his name popping up on screen and smiling insanely to yourself 🥰 that day will 100% arrive so wait for it 😘

DameMaureen · 07/10/2021 11:06

@itistragic

Thanks all, still no message back, he has read it though...6 hours ago. Safe to say I know where I stand and I'm glad I text as has been playing on my mind.
Well you may get a text as your first get together wasn't exactly planned ahead was it ? This is the thing with sex like this - it's a booty call when people are free and feel like it .