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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To text a one night stand?

328 replies

itistragic · 06/10/2021 19:34

I had a one night stand 2 weeks ago. When I say one night stand, it was a one night stand however he has messaged me periodically the past 6 years basically 'what are you upto' texts that go nowhere. We have also seen each other at gathering etc but nothing ever happened.

Anyway, 2 weeks ago, he messaged me, I said come over and we had sex. It was great, I really enjoyed it. However, I haven't heard from him since and I haven't contacted him either, which is not a problem and to be expected for one night stands. But I find myself tonight really itching to text him, just offering a repeat basically.

Will this come across as desperate? I'm scared that he might reject me? I'm on the larger side (5ft 3 in, 15 stone) , my friends tell me that he wouldn't have slept with me if he had a problem with my weight but I know better.

By messaging him I am in no way hoping for a relationship, I am definetely not looking for that. Just another genuinely amazing shag.

WIBU to message him? And if not...what do I message?

OP posts:
Lex345 · 07/10/2021 06:23

Dont take it to heart OP, honestly it says more about him than you. If it was just a ONS where you barely know each other, then I would say texting him would be a long shot, but you have known him for a while and he could have at least text you back. The fact he hasnt makes him a bit shit, but he may be thinking about the situation. The text is quite open and although it sounds casual, he may think you are looking for something more serious or he may be looking for something more serious. I have met men before that, whilst perfectly happy to have one night stands themselves, when a woman does the same, they cannot handle it. We even have a couple of examples on this thread 😉 Who knows!
Don't text him again though unless he answers you. I would not normally advocate game playing but I think it is important if he replies at some point that you don't instantly jump to read or respond.

If you are looking for something casual, there are plenty of sites for that where you will be spoilt for choice!

Eralos · 07/10/2021 06:57

Good for you on putting yourself out there!

BiscuitLover09876 · 07/10/2021 07:07

Ive read all your messages op. You really need higher self esteem! His loss op!

Maybe start tackling the weight for you and you only. Maybe this guy only liked it when he was chasing.

Practicebeingpatient · 07/10/2021 07:44

@robbooftheford

Has it ever occurred to you that maybe (just maybe) those women aren't bothered about a second night with you either? That you not contacting them isn't the awful deprivation you think it might be?

Practicebeingpatient · 07/10/2021 07:49

@itistragic

Thanks all, still no message back, he has read it though...6 hours ago. Safe to say I know where I stand and I'm glad I text as has been playing on my mind.
That's harsh but as you say - at least you know where you stand.

I would highly recommend blocking him now. Don't wait for him to contact you in a few weeks time when he is bored and there is no one else available to satisfy him. I know the sex was great but a quick trip to Anne Summers can give you what you need and will not ignore you or be rude to you afterwards.

Tevion28 · 07/10/2021 08:00

robbooftheford your a prime example of whats wrong with men its okay for you but not for them.

VeryLongBeeeeep · 07/10/2021 08:08

I never bother with a woman again who has it on a first night

Translation: I'm so crap in bed no woman has ever wanted to have sex with me for a second time.

SamMil · 07/10/2021 08:08

Oh dear, I didn't get the memo on this. I wonder at what point my husband of 15 years (and a baby) will disappear because of my lack of virtue Grin

Tevion28 · 07/10/2021 08:09

I've seen this with a work colleague the bloke gets his leg over then he dissappears and loses interest in her after but may suddenly pop up again at some point its always the woman that feels the hurt.
Its a mistake to chase a man after sex sorry op and ignore the male twats on here.

Tevion28 · 07/10/2021 08:09

VeryLongBeeeeep
Grin spot on

Tevion28 · 07/10/2021 08:13

I slept with my dp first time we met after speaking for weeks and we have a loving relationship decent men don't think like certain ones on here.

dottiedodah · 07/10/2021 08:17

"I never bother with a woman who has it on the first night"
Wow I bet thats a bloody relief for them!

Nondescriptname · 07/10/2021 08:20

'so it’s nothing to do with that he just seems flaky and up his own arse.'
And rude.

So, OP, you had a one night stand with someone who turned out to be a selfish jerk.
Don't worry about what he maybe thinks. It'll just be selfish stuff about himself.

I agree with PP you should block and forget.

Original poster
itistragic · 07/10/2021 08:24

I feel like blocking will make him think I'm bothered and I'm really not

OP posts:
Tellmeee · 07/10/2021 08:25

You might get a late night drunken booty call after he’s been out with the lads so I would prepare for what you are going to do about that.

Darker · 07/10/2021 08:31

Ach he’s busy and will get to it.

If its a casual thing he may not want to respond straightaway or he might have been saving it to read in private.

He might not want a repeat but that’s life and if he doesn’t reply by the weekend you probably have your answer.

Sounds like you had fun so don’t let this spoil the memory of some good sex.

Practicebeingpatient · 07/10/2021 08:35

@itistragic

I feel like blocking will make him think I'm bothered and I'm really not
You are overthinking this way too much. He won't even notice until he is looking for a booty call.
Tevion28 · 07/10/2021 08:38

Some of these men have others on the go

sonjadog · 07/10/2021 08:38

As it is casual, he may not feel he needs to respond until he is interested. It isn't a dating situation where he has to get back to you to show how into you he is. He has taken note and will let you know next time he fancies sex.

Bluntness100 · 07/10/2021 08:40

Op you clearly are bothered, and that’s ok. Look don’t be a last min booth call to this guy. Take it you had some fun and try to move on.

Original poster
itistragic · 07/10/2021 08:49

I'm honestly not bothered this morning

OP posts:
Tiramiwho · 07/10/2021 08:49

@itistragic

I feel like blocking will make him think I'm bothered and I'm really not

Yeah I know where you are coming from.
If it was me, I would wait until he texts again, take roughly 48 hours before reading it and then ignore the ignorant twat completely. 😈
There is no excuse for him to simply ghost you. That's really shitty.

TheresSomethingAboutAndy · 07/10/2021 08:51

He's probably playing silly games and he knows that no reply will be bothering you.
He will probably reply at some point but hopefully you will do the same to him and just ignore
Don't block him

Bounce55 · 07/10/2021 08:51

Don't block him
If he does respond read the message then ignore as he did to you, move on now, don't give him a second thought
Any future messages from him hinting at a repeat performance.....tell him to fuck right off

Tevion28 · 07/10/2021 08:56

If he eventually responds leave him hanging let him see your online.

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