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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To text a one night stand?

328 replies

itistragic · 06/10/2021 19:34

I had a one night stand 2 weeks ago. When I say one night stand, it was a one night stand however he has messaged me periodically the past 6 years basically 'what are you upto' texts that go nowhere. We have also seen each other at gathering etc but nothing ever happened.

Anyway, 2 weeks ago, he messaged me, I said come over and we had sex. It was great, I really enjoyed it. However, I haven't heard from him since and I haven't contacted him either, which is not a problem and to be expected for one night stands. But I find myself tonight really itching to text him, just offering a repeat basically.

Will this come across as desperate? I'm scared that he might reject me? I'm on the larger side (5ft 3 in, 15 stone) , my friends tell me that he wouldn't have slept with me if he had a problem with my weight but I know better.

By messaging him I am in no way hoping for a relationship, I am definetely not looking for that. Just another genuinely amazing shag.

WIBU to message him? And if not...what do I message?

OP posts:
BakingOfTheFoodCats · 06/10/2021 22:40

Oh god I read this all and could believe posters were telling you to take him, well done everyone for making the op look desperate! She slept with him and then didn’t hear from him for 2 weeks and you all really thought it was good to tell her to message him again 🙄 self respect 😕

BakingOfTheFoodCats · 06/10/2021 22:41

Couldn’t* take= text! Bloody Auto correct

MushMonster · 06/10/2021 22:43

But she only wants the fun, she does not want a relationship.
There is nothing wrong in chasing what you want, for the fun of it. Nothing to loose.

BakingOfTheFoodCats · 06/10/2021 22:45

Nothing to loose.

Apart from your self respect

Sofiegiraffe · 06/10/2021 22:49

Women would do better accepting this truth and stopping expecting men to stick around after early sex.

😂 this made me laugh. I shagged my DP on our first date. Over 6 years and a baby later ... safe to say I think he's sticking around 😆

Sofiegiraffe · 06/10/2021 22:54

@HappyDays101010

I never bother with a woman again who has it on a first night

I’ve not met a fuckable fella yet who thinks like that.

Me neither.
chipsandgin · 06/10/2021 23:02

I never bother with a woman again who has it on a first night 😂 you know you were there too right!? Or perhaps you’re posting direct from the 1950’s!? I suspect it’s more a case of these women working out pretty quickly they don’t want to be with a misogynistic twat with double standards tbh, but hey, you do you (which I suspect happens more often than you like!)…

I had had sex on the first night (a lot) with DH & here we are, two kids & 20 years later, still having sex. Each to their own but judging others on the basis of what they choose to do with their own bodies, especially if you choose to do exactly the same thing is hypercritical & unpleasant.

& OP hope you get what you want but if not have fun finding someone fun to do whatever makes you happy :)

MilesOfSand · 06/10/2021 23:20

I never bother with a woman again who has it on a first night

Convenient that she never got back to you that one time, either then Grin

TimeForTeaAndG · 06/10/2021 23:20

@BakingOfTheFoodCats

Nothing to loose.

Apart from your self respect

Oh god take the stick out your butt. Self worth, self respect etc does not hinge on how much or how little sex women have. We are allowed to enjoy it! It's not just for the men's pleasure you know!
Maskless · 06/10/2021 23:27

"I enjoyed the fun we had, and would like to do it again x"

freudien · 06/10/2021 23:32

Why can't we just normalise female sexuality. Women have sex for fun and enjoyment and are not 'dirty' for doing so. As long as it's all safe and no one is getting hurt, what is the harm?

What if men normalise this concept - sex isn't when a woman 'gives' and a man 'takes'.

2me2u2u2me · 06/10/2021 23:37

@Sofiegiraffe

Women would do better accepting this truth and stopping expecting men to stick around after early sex.

😂 this made me laugh. I shagged my DP on our first date. Over 6 years and a baby later ... safe to say I think he's sticking around 😆

Ditto, without the baby but with a wedding ring! Smile
Pinklioness · 07/10/2021 00:14

I think the OP did the right thing, whatever happens.

If he doesn't contact her again, then at least she knows where she stands.

More fool him though if he's passing up the opportunity of good sex.

Bahhhhhumbug · 07/10/2021 00:17

and me, not first night but within a few days, now happily married 12 yrs together 15.

NCBlossom · 07/10/2021 00:34

It’s not a lack of self respect to ask for what you want. Even if that is casual sex. So what if he doesn’t text back?

As another poster on a another thread said recently - ‘theres’ wall to wall cock if a woman wants it’! Which is probably quite true. Quality of said cock… well who knows.

Suprima · 07/10/2021 01:16

@itistragic

Yeah no response. Very depressing but what can you do?
Don’t text men begging for sex? It rarely ends well.

If you want a shag, jump on tinder and find someone hot (who you can vet and go for a drink first with) who can literally fill that hole.

Fluffing up the ego of a ONS asking for seconds is a poor move

He’ll text you again when he is bored at 11 on a Tuesday, now he knows you are thinking of him.

Cascascascas · 07/10/2021 05:15

@itistragic

So what happened?

DollyPartBaked · 07/10/2021 05:16

Totally disagree with you @Suprima, yes OP can go on tinder but chances are she doesn't want a crap shag. And it's hard enough / a shed load of admin to find someone you fancy on tinder before you even get to that point.

She's not looking for a relationship. And she certainly wasn't begging 🙄

DontWantTheRivalry · 07/10/2021 06:03

Well done for being brave, it’s hard to put yourself out there.

I’m inclined to agree though that nothing good will come of this.

I know if someone I fancied and had been a great shag, sent me a text to ask if I was up for it again, I would be typing “hell yes” back to them within a second and making a bolt for the door regardless of what I was doing Grin Grin

Chalk it up to experience OP, you definitely did the right thing as we as women shouldn’t be scared to voice what we want, but I’m not sure you’re going to get the outcome you want.

Now that he knows you’re up for it don’t allowed yourself to be become his ‘booty call’ and allow him to pick you up and drop you at his whim because it will only leave you feeling like shit.

FWB only work if there’s an equal level of respect for each other.

Staryflight445 · 07/10/2021 06:08

Give it 24hrs op. Your message maybe took him by surprise and he needs time to assess before responding.
Don’t blame yourself either.

Original poster
itistragic · 07/10/2021 06:09

Thanks all, still no message back, he has read it though...6 hours ago. Safe to say I know where I stand and I'm glad I text as has been playing on my mind.

OP posts:
sammylady37 · 07/10/2021 06:14

*Don’t text men begging for sex? It rarely ends well.

If you want a shag, jump on tinder and find someone hot (who you can vet and go for a drink first with) who can literally fill that hole*

Could you please show us where she ‘begged’ for sex? (I’ll save you some time- she didn’t)

Why on earth you’re recommending trawling the internet to find a stranger she can ‘vet’ as a preferable alternative to texting someone she already knows IRL and knows she has good sex with, is beyond me. The latter is surely the most logical and sensible first step.

toocold54 · 07/10/2021 06:20

Thanks all, still no message back, he has read it though...6 hours ago. Safe to say I know where I stand and I'm glad I text as has been playing on my mind.

He will text you back but it’ll be a random time when he’s bored - don’t bother replying.

Honestly do not take it personally. He obviously thinks you’re attractive to have sexy with you so it’s nothing to do with that he just seems flaky and up his own arse.

It’s good you texted him because now you know not to waste your time.

Aphrodite31 · 07/10/2021 06:21

I don't quite get why you (plural) didn't have some communication after the night. He may have thought you weren't interested/didn't like it if you didn't follow up. So switched off.

I imagine he liked it too, as it's unlikely you'd have thought it great if he didn't.

But yes, you've put yourself out there now, and just have to wait.

I think you need someone (even if just for sex) and that you should get actively looking. And if he becomes an option too, that's good. But in case he doesn't, find another one.

Quite a lot of guys are wired to seek the conquest, then disappear once they've succeeded, just to warn you. Get looking at other people too.

Aphrodite31 · 07/10/2021 06:22

'so it’s nothing to do with that he just seems flaky and up his own arse.'

This.