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AIBU?

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Original poster

DC can't go to their dad's because ONE of them is ill...

999 replies

Zoflorananana · 06/10/2021 16:44

3 DC with ex who has gone on to have a second family. His partner is in her ninth month of pregnancy with their 2nd and due to have a cesarian but, in my opinion, being bloody ridiculous.

DC were due to go round for their dinner today. I let ex know when he was on his way to collect them that one wouldn't be coming as he's ill with a sick virus but the other two are fine.

He picks up the two who are fine and off they go with no problems. 15 minutes later I get a phone call from him saying there's been a change of plan, he's going to take them to play football in the park instead as with DC3 being ill he doesn't want to risk household to household transmission and DC1 and DC2 could be asymptomatic with what DC3 has or just not showing symptoms yet and his DP is due to have a cesarian.

They are absolutely fine and have been to school, no problems.

I know his DP is behind the change of plan because this isn't something he would ever care about and I have told him as much. Kids get ill it's a fact of life and you can't wrap somebody in cotton wool or ban them all from their supposed second home just because ONE isn't well.

AIBU to be royally pissed off?

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 10/10/2021 17:17

@Cadent

They’re his kids. He needs to have them regardless of their health status.

No one has the kids when OP is sick. She just has to get on with it.

What would happen if their half- sibling had a virus? Him and his wife would just have to get on with it and isolate him as best they could.

He did have his kids, and they did isolate them as best they could. By him taking them out.
Cadent · 10/10/2021 17:18

Except he didn’t feed them and dumped them home after 2 hours.

He saw his kids for 2 hours across 7 days. What a prince.

WrapAroundYourDreams · 10/10/2021 17:20

You have no idea why she doesn't work and she doesn't need to explain it to you just because you have a shit ex who doesn't pay toward your children.

But someone has to pay for them. Hence I work fucking hard to. And it's a genuine question because I don't know how anyone could be a single parent and not work? I already said, it's obviously different if someone can't due to theirs or their child's ill health, or additional needs etc.

BlanketPiggy · 10/10/2021 17:20

@Cadent

They’re his kids. He needs to have them regardless of their health status.

No one has the kids when OP is sick. She just has to get on with it.

What would happen if their half- sibling had a virus? Him and his wife would just have to get on with it and isolate him as best they could.

He did have them.
BlanketPiggy · 10/10/2021 17:22

@Cadent

Except he didn’t feed them and dumped them home after 2 hours.

He saw his kids for 2 hours across 7 days. What a prince.

He didn't dump them. He dropped them off with their other parent.
Cadent · 10/10/2021 17:24

Dropping them off after 2 hours and unfed is dumping them.

Cadent · 10/10/2021 17:25

He dropped them off with their other parent.

Their only parent by the sounds of it.

2 hours a week isn’t parenting, it’s a tick box exercise.

BlanketPiggy · 10/10/2021 17:25

@Cadent

Dropping them off after 2 hours and unfed is dumping them.
No it's dropping them off back at mums. If they start using language like dump that's when it becomes a negative thing. In reality they were probably just like OK, back to mums now.
Cadent · 10/10/2021 17:29

It’s not about the language it’s the action. He saw his kids for the bare minimum time he could get away and couldn’t even be bothered to get them Happy Meals.

This man does fuck all for his children and you’re all lining up to praise the dick.

Potterurotter · 10/10/2021 17:32

Im heavily pregnant and wow think you need to give your head a wobble. Not sure why people are taking so many risks with illnesses because we will be back to square one and we’re not even out of the woods with Covid. Surely you know yourself from being pregnant all that can be taken is paracetamol which makes life pretty shitty when u get ill plus she’s having a major op. I bet part of you was hoping she does get something seeing as you’re willing to take the risk!

lockdownmadnessdotcom · 10/10/2021 17:34

@Zoflorananana

The kids still spent time with their dad, I’m not sure what the issue is

My issue is they were looking forward to going there for their tea and seeing their half sibling but now have been effectively banned from the house. What sort of message is that sending them at a time of upheaval when they already have to deal with the fact there's going to be another child on the scene who lives with dad full time?

It just shows me where they are on his list of priorities.

At the point his wife is going to give birth she SHOULD be top of his priority list. I imagine you don't approve of her being pregnant, and him having another child, but too late for that.
BlanketPiggy · 10/10/2021 17:43

@Cadent

It’s not about the language it’s the action. He saw his kids for the bare minimum time he could get away and couldn’t even be bothered to get them Happy Meals.

This man does fuck all for his children and you’re all lining up to praise the dick.

Happy meals are not a filling dinner.
Travis1 · 10/10/2021 17:54

I can’t believe the amount of people that think this is ok. What would happen if it was her child that was ill? Surely it’s part of being a parent? Why does he get to opt out?

2Two · 10/10/2021 17:59

@Travis1

I can’t believe the amount of people that think this is ok. What would happen if it was her child that was ill? Surely it’s part of being a parent? Why does he get to opt out?
He didn't opt out, he took the children out instead of taking them back home. It makes perfect sense - why on earth would you put a 9 months pregnant woman about to have major surgery at risk when you can so easily avoid it? It's only part of being a parent when there is only one house the children live in.
2Two · 10/10/2021 18:02

They’re his kids. He needs to have them regardless of their health status.

This is nonsense. Are the kids supposed to be dragged out even if all they want to do is stay in bed? Or even if they or their half sibling have Covid? I really can't see any good reason for not applying a bit of common sense in this situation.

aSofaNearYou · 10/10/2021 18:11

@Cadent Most have agreed that he should have provided food. What we disagree with is the idea that taking them to the park in order to minimise exposure to vulnerable household members (separately to the wider issue of his amount of contact which is not the subject of the thread) constitutes banishing them from the house or proof that they are at an unacceptable place in his priorities. It is essentially a treat, a fun activity they may even find preferable.

Billandben444 · 10/10/2021 18:17

One tea a week doesn't constitute parenting
Agreed but he is doing the parenting that suits him and his new family. There's no law that says he has to have them overnight and why would you want to force him to have them to stay if it's not convenient/what he wants? OK he's not doing his share of parenting but he is providing for them financially. Sometimes life isn't fair but it is what it is.

Cadent · 10/10/2021 18:20

Happy meals are not a filling dinner.

Well yes so how shit is he that he couldn’t even provide that?

Cadent · 10/10/2021 18:22

@Billandben444

One tea a week doesn't constitute parenting Agreed but he is doing the parenting that suits him and his new family. There's no law that says he has to have them overnight and why would you want to force him to have them to stay if it's not convenient/what he wants? OK he's not doing his share of parenting but he is providing for them financially. Sometimes life isn't fair but it is what it is.
How do you know he is providing for them financially?

So his shitty 2 hours of parenting a week is acceptable because it ‘suits him and his new family’?

Yes, I’m sure that’s a great comfort to his kids. Hmm

Cadent · 10/10/2021 18:23

@2Two

They’re his kids. He needs to have them regardless of their health status.

This is nonsense. Are the kids supposed to be dragged out even if all they want to do is stay in bed? Or even if they or their half sibling have Covid? I really can't see any good reason for not applying a bit of common sense in this situation.

We’re taking about the actual situation, which is that the two dc were perfectly well. Not some imaginary situation where they had Covid.
Cadent · 10/10/2021 18:26

[quote aSofaNearYou]@Cadent Most have agreed that he should have provided food. What we disagree with is the idea that taking them to the park in order to minimise exposure to vulnerable household members (separately to the wider issue of his amount of contact which is not the subject of the thread) constitutes banishing them from the house or proof that they are at an unacceptable place in his priorities. It is essentially a treat, a fun activity they may even find preferable.[/quote]
2 hours in a cold park is not a treat. Kids aren’t stupid, they will know it’s all their dad can be bothered to do with them. They went out for tea.

Travis1 · 10/10/2021 18:35

@2Two except he did opt Out. He didn’t feed them. what if OP hadn’t had anything in for their dinner because she was expecting them to be fed by dad? Why is it ok for him to abdicate that responsibility? Honestly the race to the bottom for the men on here is fucking ridiculous

aSofaNearYou · 10/10/2021 18:37

2 hours in a cold park is not a treat. Kids aren’t stupid, they will know it’s all their dad can be bothered to do with them.

Says who? Both my DD and DSS would be excited by a trip to the park and would view it as no more than a treat for them.

Cadent · 10/10/2021 18:38

2 parks in an hour with a dad who can’t be arsed with you for the rest of the week? Some treat.

CiaoForNiao · 10/10/2021 18:39

So his shitty 2 hours of parenting a week is acceptable because it ‘suits him and his new family’?

Yes, I’m sure that’s a great comfort to his kids.

Exactly. My side love knowing they miss out on time with their dad because he's got "little children as well you know". Trying to get your sobbing teenager, who's a good few inches taller than you, on your lap so you can comfort him and reassure him that his dad does still love him is bloody difficult.

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