DC can't go to their dad's because ONE of them is ill...

[Zoflorananana]

3 DC with ex who has gone on to have a second family. His partner is in her ninth month of pregnancy with their 2nd and due to have a cesarian but, in my opinion, being bloody ridiculous.

DC were due to go round for their dinner today. I let ex know when he was on his way to collect them that one wouldn't be coming as he's ill with a sick virus but the other two are fine.

He picks up the two who are fine and off they go with no problems. 15 minutes later I get a phone call from him saying there's been a change of plan, he's going to take them to play football in the park instead as with DC3 being ill he doesn't want to risk household to household transmission and DC1 and DC2 could be asymptomatic with what DC3 has or just not showing symptoms yet and his DP is due to have a cesarian.

They are absolutely fine and have been to school, no problems.

I know his DP is behind the change of plan because this isn't something he would ever care about and I have told him as much. Kids get ill it's a fact of life and you can't wrap somebody in cotton wool or ban them all from their supposed second home just because ONE isn't well.

AIBU to be royally pissed off?

You sound like an entitled, argumentative and uncaring individual. You shouldn't have sent them there in the first place.

You also sound bitter and begrudging that he has a family and a home with someone else. It's not a competition, get a grip.

I think calling him a dickhead is uncalled for

Not really, surely it would occur to most fathers to sort an alternative to dinner if the planned meal was no longer an option.

@Cadent

So many women making excuses for this dick head who is too tight to even take his kids out for tea and just dumped them back home unfed.

Not a single person has defended him not feeding them.

The food bit wasn’t the OP’s main complaint - the “ban” from the step-mum was so people are understandably focussed on that

YABU I can't believe you are being this way, I would do exactly the same if I was 9 months pregnant. Why would they risk a sickness bug or worse just to avoid inconveniencing you, as a one off? the kids are still having time with their dad,it's not a big deal and I think you should be more understanding.

To be fair, I think a PP did point out that since OP did not have the courtesy to let him know in advance, he may have left home without his wallet, fully expecting a normal pick up then home for dinner.

Having read your other posts, I can understand why you’re so pissed off. The fact that he left his family for this woman and now uses his job as an excuse to only see his kids once a week...not good enough. So when that pathetic weekly visit was changed, it’s annoying. He doesn't sound great. But on this one incident, which is what people were judging it on, I think it was a sensible decision not to take the kids to his house. However I can see why his other behaviour would affect your feelings on other stuff like this, he sounds like a loser.

You should start a thread about him hardly seeing his kids, the fact he was shagging around behind your back, that he needs instruction from his new woman and can’t think for himself, ....you’ll get loads of support.

Anyway, hope your poorly child is feeling better.

In normal circumstances I would agree that you’re being silly and shouldn’t send your kids who may have a sickness bug to their house. Albeit he should have arranged dinner for them.

But knowing he left his family for this other woman and started having kids with her…I can see why you resent your children having to ‘share’ his parenting in any way. I’d feel the same. People like your ex and his new wife are scum and it’s hard to be motivated to treat them with the same consideration and respect you would extend to other people. I would struggle to co parent amicably with a cheater who abandoned his kids to make more with the OW and I would find it as hard as you are to accept any limitations in his parenting of our children in order to accommodate her. I feel for you

@Holskey

So a woman about to go into hospital, and be in contact with medical staff and other patients, should be put at risk of d&v out of principle?

I think covid has a lot to answer for in terms of this widespread mentality.

If a person entering hospital has been in contact with someone who has been in contact with someone with a bug, yeah, I think that's okay. Or at least okay enough that children shouldn't be forbidden to go into their own home.

I'm glad if Covid has changed this selfish mentality of oh well I'm ill so everyone else can be also. It's is purely a selfish attitude to have.

Superstar and mayor thank you for getting it

Regardless of who shagged who and when, the unborn baby is blameless and so is everyone at the hospital she may well have infected of she had been exposed and caught this bug.

If a person entering hospital has been in contact with someone who has been in contact with someone with a bug, yeah, I think that's okay. Or at least okay enough that children shouldn't be forbidden to go into their own home.

From what OP has written it isn’t their home. They live with OP and see their father once a week (if that) if I read correctly. It is also a temporary measure as to not risk the health of a pregnant woman in her ninth month. Are you ok with such risk towards a pregnant woman and her unborn child?

@Zoflorananana

The kids still spent time with their dad, I’m not sure what the issue is

My issue is they were looking forward to going there for their tea and seeing their half sibling but now have been effectively banned from the house. What sort of message is that sending them at a time of upheaval when they already have to deal with the fact there's going to be another child on the scene who lives with dad full time?

It just shows me where they are on his list of priorities.

You sound so angry about his new partner.

You are massively over reacting.

Get a grip, and maybe look into therapy for your anger and how to practice being calm and supportive to your children

It's not about being angry about his partner at all, it's about a massive disparity amongst the children when one set (mine) already get mere bread crumbs at best. I have managed to mitigate the bug being passed around the others at my house, why could he not take the same measures for the sake of one afternoon? Disinfect surfaces, be cautious if concerned but ffs don't ban two healthy children because a third who isn't even there is ill.

I highly doubt they would be as accommodating as posters are suggesting if the shoe were on the other foot.

90% of voters think YABU…

@Pottedpalm

90% of voters think YABU…

Well then I guess I'm being unreasonable.

It's not about being angry about his partner at all, it's about a massive disparity amongst the children when one set (mine) already get mere bread crumbs at best. I have managed to mitigate the bug being passed around the others at my house, why could he not take the same measures for the sake of one afternoon? Disinfect surfaces, be cautious if concerned but ffs don't ban two healthy children because a third who isn't even there is ill.

Why does it matter if they are in the house or not? Isn’t the most important part is that he is spending time with them.

He took them to the park and played football with them. Just them without the other siblings. How much time do they usually get with their father alone without having to share with their half-sibling?

He took them to the park and played football with them. Just them without the other siblings. How much time do they usually get with their father alone without having to share with their half-sibling?

Next to none actually, but whilst I'm sure an impromptu trip to the park minus the half sibling sounds lovely in theory it only came about because his partner clearly didn't want the children in the house.

It's not something he thinks up of his own accord to benefit them.

@Zoflorananana

It's not about being angry about his partner at all, it's about a massive disparity amongst the children when one set (mine) already get mere bread crumbs at best. I have managed to mitigate the bug being passed around the others at my house, why could he not take the same measures for the sake of one afternoon? Disinfect surfaces, be cautious if concerned but ffs don't ban two healthy children because a third who isn't even there is ill.

I highly doubt they would be as accommodating as posters are suggesting if the shoe were on the other foot.

He did mitigate it. He took them out instead. What would have been the point of risking it for one afternoon so close to his wife going into hospital?

When one of mine had d&v and the ex’s wife was pregnant I fully expected contact to be cancelled.
Just as when I was pregnant and there was d&v in his house he offered to cancel for my sake.

When your ex is a prick and you don’t like his wife it’s really really difficult to see the wood for the trees.

My ex is a class A prick. His wife was an absolute bitch to my girls. I get your dislike.

You’re being unreasonable with this one and you’re letting your dislike cloud your judgement massively. You really are.

He should have taken them for food, assuming he at least had enough notice to bring cash, but taking them to the park was the sensible and logical thing to do.

@Zoflorananana - you're clearly well shot of him as a man and he's also clearly a fairly inadequate parent, which is a shame for all the children. That doesn't make it ok to risk giving D&V someone who's just about to go into hospital and give birth. It wouldn't be ok if it was flu nor covid either. That's because spreading those diseases to vulnerable people can cause their death. I don't know why you're mixing the topics up. If you want a grumble about his lack of effort and time, then that's just a different topic.

If a person entering hospital has been in contact with someone who has been in contact with someone with a bug, yeah, I think that's okay. Or at least okay enough that children shouldn't be forbidden to go into their own home.

It'd take longer than I have time for to quote those who opposed my above statement, but I stand by it. The world would grind to a halt if people avoided people who had been in contact with someone with a bug.

*Next to none actually, but whilst I'm sure an impromptu trip to the park minus the half sibling sounds lovely in theory it only came about because his partner clearly didn't want the children in the house.

It's not something he thinks up of his own accord to benefit them.*

His partner has good reason regardless whether you agree or not. Also, did your children care about the reasons they had alone time with their father or were they just happy to spend time with him ?

@Holskey

If a person entering hospital has been in contact with someone who has been in contact with someone with a bug, yeah, I think that's okay. Or at least okay enough that children shouldn't be forbidden to go into their own home.

It'd take longer than I have time for to quote those who opposed my above statement, but I stand by it. The world would grind to a halt if people avoided people who had been in contact with someone with a bug.

No, the world would not remotely grind to a halt if people avoided unnecessary contact with bugs.

That’s the key here - the contact would have been absolutely unneeded.

@Zoflorananana

It's not about being angry about his partner at all, it's about a massive disparity amongst the children when one set (mine) already get mere bread crumbs at best. I have managed to mitigate the bug being passed around the others at my house, why could he not take the same measures for the sake of one afternoon? Disinfect surfaces, be cautious if concerned but ffs don't ban two healthy children because a third who isn't even there is ill.

I highly doubt they would be as accommodating as posters are suggesting if the shoe were on the other foot.

Is it any wonder why virus's spread so much!! It's a risk that doesn't need to be taken by a 9 month pregnant woman about to have a c section! What part of this do you not get???

He should have fed them something, even a takeaway bag of chips would have sufficed

Geez, you are being extremely unreasonable and its selfish to think that your husband is not making your kids together a priority....just because they did not want to take a chance by bringing a sickness bug in the house right before she is due to have surgery and have a new baby! Even if this was not the case, I would not want kids around if they might have been exposed to a sick bug....those are horrendous to catch and its better to be outside to prevent transmission. I dont understand people who arent more careful about this. If any of my kids are sick, I am cautious the others might be carrying it or catch it soon enough, so if its a sick bug we avoid others until we know they are in the clear. And it usually takes a week until the next one falls ill....

Sometimes, you have to think about the other side and be flexible when these things crop up. If your husbands other family had sick bugs, would you be happy to send your kids there to spend time with him, potentially exposing them and then you with the sick bug? Because, I surely would not!!!