DC can't go to their dad's because ONE of them is ill...

[Zoflorananana]

3 DC with ex who has gone on to have a second family. His partner is in her ninth month of pregnancy with their 2nd and due to have a cesarian but, in my opinion, being bloody ridiculous.

DC were due to go round for their dinner today. I let ex know when he was on his way to collect them that one wouldn't be coming as he's ill with a sick virus but the other two are fine.

He picks up the two who are fine and off they go with no problems. 15 minutes later I get a phone call from him saying there's been a change of plan, he's going to take them to play football in the park instead as with DC3 being ill he doesn't want to risk household to household transmission and DC1 and DC2 could be asymptomatic with what DC3 has or just not showing symptoms yet and his DP is due to have a cesarian.

They are absolutely fine and have been to school, no problems.

I know his DP is behind the change of plan because this isn't something he would ever care about and I have told him as much. Kids get ill it's a fact of life and you can't wrap somebody in cotton wool or ban them all from their supposed second home just because ONE isn't well.

AIBU to be royally pissed off?

He was happy to take them when he arrived, no talk of changing plans or going to the park. It was only once he'd clearly spoken to her that things changed. Personally I don't think he would have changed plans at all without some strong arming on her part

Are we surprised now when men are stupid and don't think of very obvious things such as how bad it would be for a heavily pregnant woman to get a sick bug right now?
He was thick as pig shit to not think of it himself and you are being ridiculous. Stop trying to make an evil stepmother where there doesn't actually seem like there is one. You're coming across as very bitter.

"His partner is in her ninth month of pregnancy with their 2nd and due to have a cesarian but, in my opinion, being bloody ridiculous."

Wow that's says it all doesn't it. Stating a woman having a cesarian is being bloody ridiculous in your opinion. I hope your children do not pick up on your bitterness and jealousy you have towards your exH and new partner.

Plus

• you gave such short notice
• ExH didn't cancel
• what exH does with his children during contact time is up to him
• it's a one off that he didn't feed them
• he put his partner and unborn child first as he should in this circumstance

Have some compassion with everything that's happened over the last year or so haven't you learnt anything

And yes, if OP had posted that she was planning to take her non-resident children out for the day rather than risk both her husband's urgent surgery and the health of an unborn baby people would be saying it was entirely sensible

Non-resident children? I actually think this phrase sums up your perspective perfectly.

I think children should always be welcome in their parents' homes. It should be fully considered their home. I don't think it should be less their home because there is somewhere else they can go. Simple but important principle.

OP: AIBU?
Everyone: YES!
OP: no I'm not....!

I think children should always be welcome in their parents' homes. It should be fully considered their home. I don't think it should be less their home because there is somewhere else they can go. Simple but important principle
Over on the step parenting board theres an OP being slated and told that her home isn't equal to the step child's mothers home and it's perfectly normal and understandable for a child to feel more at home in the home they actually live in with their primary carer.

@Holskey

And yes, if OP had posted that she was planning to take her non-resident children out for the day rather than risk both her husband's urgent surgery and the health of an unborn baby people would be saying it was entirely sensible

Non-resident children? I actually think this phrase sums up your perspective perfectly.

I think children should always be welcome in their parents' homes. It should be fully considered their home. I don't think it should be less their home because there is somewhere else they can go. Simple but important principle.

So a woman about to go into hospital, and be in contact with medical staff and other patients, should be put at risk of d&v out of principle?

That’s ridiculous.

You can bet your bottom dollar that if the bug was in the ex and step-mum’s house and they insisted on the children going there as it’s their other home the OP would be up in arms and the step mum would be told to get back in her box.

So a woman about to go into hospital, and be in contact with medical staff and other patients, should be put at risk of d&v out of principle?

I think covid has a lot to answer for in terms of this widespread mentality.

If a person entering hospital has been in contact with someone who has been in contact with someone with a bug, yeah, I think that's okay. Or at least okay enough that children shouldn't be forbidden to go into their own home.

There is no way you can hide that level of bitterness from the children. It became clearer and clearer as the thread went on.
I can almost guarantee that your children are picking up your resentment and anger. The damage might not be evident now but it WILL eventually be.

Couldn’t agree more! You are making out it’s all because you care about your children but how do you think this will be effecting them? You need to seriously grow up, drop the anger/resentment/jealousy for the sake of your own DC if not your own.

The assertion in the first paragraph that the husband's partner is "being bloody ridiculous" says it all. OP has come on here to try and gain validation for her own bitterness. It's therefore refreshing to see a large majority think she's being unreasonable.

@Holskey

So a woman about to go into hospital, and be in contact with medical staff and other patients, should be put at risk of d&v out of principle?

I think covid has a lot to answer for in terms of this widespread mentality.

If a person entering hospital has been in contact with someone who has been in contact with someone with a bug, yeah, I think that's okay. Or at least okay enough that children shouldn't be forbidden to go into their own home.

I think stupidity has a lot to answer for in that it has taken covid for people to be sensible and considerate about not passing on contagious bugs and viruses.

There was no need for the children to be in contact and risk passing the bug on. Some risks are necessary. Some are not. This was not.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with the father taking his kids out and not exposing his wife and unborn baby. It was the sane and sensitively thing to do.

The only thing he did wrong was not taking them for food.

@Rinoachicken

I don’t see that this is about Covid specifically - they just don’t want a vomiting bug in the house in the days before she has a caesarean?

Yes, it seems an absolutely sensible thing to do.

I think covid has a lot to answer for in terms of this widespread mentality
Even in the Neolithic world of 2019, norovirus was not a welcome addition to a woman's late pregnancy be or birth experience, nor was it not a serious danger in hospitals.

Have we really learnt nothing over the last two years about the spread of virus and illness?!

I wouldnt have sent any of them to their dads if one was ill. The other two are likely to be holding the bug too and their symptoms just haven't materialised yet.

It's call being considerate of others.

This is all obviously your own jealousy and hatred of the new partner.

@Youseethethingis

I think children should always be welcome in their parents' homes. It should be fully considered their home. I don't think it should be less their home because there is somewhere else they can go. Simple but important principle Over on the step parenting board theres an OP being slated and told that her home isn't equal to the step child's mothers home and it's perfectly normal and understandable for a child to feel more at home in the home they actually live in with their primary carer.

Stepmums can't win

It's irrelevant that they should feel as at home in Dads house as Mums. They don't have to go to Dads they have another option. I am surprised you weren't more considerate as to keep them all home if she's about to have a caesarion. I know I would. Sick bugs spread like wildfire. I think you are being v v unreasonable

And you could just order a takeaway OP. McDonalds is cheap as chips and kids love it.

I think children should always be welcome in their parents' homes. It should be fully considered their home. I don't think it should be less their home because there is somewhere else they can go. Simple but important principle

But their primary home in this case is with their mother. The homes can never be equal when they spend most of their time in one home, and dad’s home needs to be shared with the needs of the new partner and any half-siblings. It’s the new partner’s only home, so the children need to live by her and their father’s rules when there, not treat it the way they treat their primary home.

It must be difficult for the new partner to share her home with 3 children she hasn’t brought up and isn’t related to, so while she should make them as welcome as possible, she doesn’t need to let them override her or act like a second mother.

@Holskey

So a woman about to go into hospital, and be in contact with medical staff and other patients, should be put at risk of d&v out of principle?

I think covid has a lot to answer for in terms of this widespread mentality.

If a person entering hospital has been in contact with someone who has been in contact with someone with a bug, yeah, I think that's okay. Or at least okay enough that children shouldn't be forbidden to go into their own home.

Did you skip biology in school? And you missed hearing about

... You missed hearing about diseases being asymptomatic?
D&V is one of those awful things that if it's in your house you hunker down for a few days and let it pass, you don't deliberately try to make others unwell.

I think YABU. Even if there were no pandemic (and in children D&V can be a possible symptom of Covid), no one wants D&V at the time of major abdominal surgery, nor is it something that one wants a newborn to possibly catch from their mother. And it is something that is very very much not wanted in a hospital.

This thread is painful. She is about to have surgery and is 9 months pregnant. Even without that I'd not want D&V in my house if it can be avoided. You are jumping ahead and making assumptions about future colds which isn't comparable to the current situation. Please try and objectively reflect on all this.

Not feeling bad no, but I do think it's selfish of him in a way. He chooses to work nights which limits the amount of time he spends with the children he's already got and I just know it'll be mine that miss out more in the long run as today has shown.

You picked the wrong battle to demonstrate your point OP

So many women making excuses for this dick head who is too tight to even take his kids out for tea and just dumped them back home unfed.

You are being SO unreasonable. She is having major surgery. Even if it’s not covid, you don’t want to get sick. Just feed youe children dinner yourself, it is not a big deal. You should be ashamed of yourself for acting this way.

@Cadent agree he could have given them food. That's a valid point. That was not the key complaint of the OP though and I think calling him a dickhead is uncalled for. He didn't cancel them completely he took them out. He could have had a meal at home ready but it was short notice. It is quite reasonable that he didn't bring them home to his 9 month pregnant wife though. That would make him a dickhead