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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DC can't go to their dad's because ONE of them is ill...

999 replies

Zoflorananana · 06/10/2021 16:44

3 DC with ex who has gone on to have a second family. His partner is in her ninth month of pregnancy with their 2nd and due to have a cesarian but, in my opinion, being bloody ridiculous.

DC were due to go round for their dinner today. I let ex know when he was on his way to collect them that one wouldn't be coming as he's ill with a sick virus but the other two are fine.

He picks up the two who are fine and off they go with no problems. 15 minutes later I get a phone call from him saying there's been a change of plan, he's going to take them to play football in the park instead as with DC3 being ill he doesn't want to risk household to household transmission and DC1 and DC2 could be asymptomatic with what DC3 has or just not showing symptoms yet and his DP is due to have a cesarian.

They are absolutely fine and have been to school, no problems.

I know his DP is behind the change of plan because this isn't something he would ever care about and I have told him as much. Kids get ill it's a fact of life and you can't wrap somebody in cotton wool or ban them all from their supposed second home just because ONE isn't well.

AIBU to be royally pissed off?

OP posts:
Sofiegiraffe · 06/10/2021 20:52

I don’t like her and I won't pretend that I do

Wow, I wouldn't have guessed...

HaraldoIII · 06/10/2021 20:56

You need to work on why you are so bitter and actually downright nasty and dangerous.

You seem to think it's ok during a pandemic to send sick children to a pregnant woman's house (on at least 2 separate occasions!) simply because you hate her and have zero consideration for her or her baby. Because in your world he should still be with you, how dare he move on and start a new family.

Original poster
Zoflorananana · 06/10/2021 21:01

@HaraldoIII

You need to work on why you are so bitter and actually downright nasty and dangerous.

You seem to think it's ok during a pandemic to send sick children to a pregnant woman's house (on at least 2 separate occasions!) simply because you hate her and have zero consideration for her or her baby. Because in your world he should still be with you, how dare he move on and start a new family.

Maybe because she was the reason he decided to leave his children in the first place...
OP posts:
HaraldoIII · 06/10/2021 21:07

Maybe because she was the reason he decided to leave his children in the first place...

He didn't leave his children. He left you. He still sees his children.

Original poster
Zoflorananana · 06/10/2021 21:11

@HaraldoIII

Maybe because she was the reason he decided to leave his children in the first place...

He didn't leave his children. He left you. He still sees his children.

Yes once a week usually when he can fit them into his oh so busy schedule.

I'm sorry that I've come across badly here, perhaps in a day or so I'll read the thread back and feel the same way, but at the moment I don't.

OP posts:
WrapAroundYourDreams · 06/10/2021 21:13

Maybe because she was the reason he decided to leave his children in the first place...

This says it all tbh, you sound vindictive.

You likely have many genuine grievances with your ex but what's happened today is not one of them.

I don't think I'm the circumstances he would have been unreasonable if he'd even asked to rearrange completely and have them an extra day at another time instead. It's nothing to do with not putting your kids first, it's just that at the moment his partner (and unborn child's) needs are greater.

You really do need to separate your genuine grievances from perfectly reasonable behaviour. Stop talking rubbish about things becoming a pattern etc.

Halloaten · 06/10/2021 21:14

YABVU. Imagine the pain on your belly scar whilst heaving and shitting your guts out
He could have taken them to mackies though.

MaggieFS · 06/10/2021 21:14

I understand you are disappointed for your DC and there's obviously a lot of history but you need to separate that out. Hopefully if you're a decent person and were due to see any old friend, maybe a pregnant one, but had a sickness bug in the household would you still go? Or would you at least check with them first? Hopefully you would.

Don't let it get to you, but she wasn't BU to not want the kids round.

WeepySheepy · 06/10/2021 21:19

Yes once a week usually when he can fit them into his oh so busy schedule can you ask him to take them more? It sounds like you want them to have a nice time with their half siblings.

NameChange74567 · 06/10/2021 21:20

@HaraldoIII

Maybe because she was the reason he decided to leave his children in the first place...

He didn't leave his children. He left you. He still sees his children.

This!
Original poster
Zoflorananana · 06/10/2021 21:22

@WeepySheepy

Yes once a week usually when he can fit them into his oh so busy schedule can you ask him to take them more? It sounds like you want them to have a nice time with their half siblings.
I'd like him to, infact I would actually appreciate it if he did, but he chooses to work nights so claims he's incapable.
OP posts:
choli · 06/10/2021 21:23

I would guess he didn't take the kids to McDonald's for the same reason he kept them outdoors at the park - to reduce the likelihood of transmission to him and from him to his pregnant partner.

Munchyseeds · 06/10/2021 21:23

Seems perfectly sensible to me
I hate sickness bugs and they are very contagious.....you could well be up with the next child tonight
Would you have wanted this when pregnant??

Original poster
Zoflorananana · 06/10/2021 21:23

@choli

I would guess he didn't take the kids to McDonald's for the same reason he kept them outdoors at the park - to reduce the likelihood of transmission to him and from him to his pregnant partner.
Reduce perhaps but not eliminate entirely.
OP posts:
WrapAroundYourDreams · 06/10/2021 21:24

I'd like him to, infact I would actually appreciate it if he did, but he chooses to work nights so claims he's incapable.

Which is a genuine grievance. Totally separate to him and his partner not wanting to catch a sick bug when she is heavily pregnant and having a c-section imminently.

Original poster
Zoflorananana · 06/10/2021 21:24

@Munchyseeds

Seems perfectly sensible to me I hate sickness bugs and they are very contagious.....you could well be up with the next child tonight Would you have wanted this when pregnant??
No of course not, but I would have to accept that it's par for the course when you have children. Inevitably you will get ill.
OP posts:
WrapAroundYourDreams · 06/10/2021 21:25

Reduce perhaps but not eliminate entirely.

You almost sound pleased...

WeepySheepy · 06/10/2021 21:25

I'd like him to, infact I would actually appreciate it if he did, but he chooses to work nights so claims he's incapable. hmm... but presumably he'll be able to look after his new child! maybe mention his maintenance payments are based on how many nights he has them and he might change his tune haha. Anyway hope it all goes ok.

Original poster
Zoflorananana · 06/10/2021 21:26

Which is a genuine grievance. Totally separate to him and his partner not wanting to catch a sick bug when she is heavily pregnant and having a c-section imminently

Fair enough, although he's not somebody who has ever cared about getting sick. It's driven by her I will guarantee it, so on that basis it gets my back up and I will accept that probably colours my view.

OP posts:
WeepySheepy · 06/10/2021 21:26

Reduce perhaps but not eliminate entirely. to eliminate it entirely he'd have to not see them at all. Which would be crap. So sounds like a good compromise.

Saoirse82 · 06/10/2021 21:28

It's OK to be hurting about how be has treated you in the past, and clearly there is still resentment about him leaving you for this other woman, I can totally understand this and I'm sure many of us would feel the same way. I think its likely clouding your judgement of this situation because be hasn't done anything wrong here but it's understandable that you're still angry about how he's behaved in the past.

RoseMartha · 06/10/2021 21:29

YABU

I think it was sensible. He sees them outside to reduce the risk if they are carrying the virus.

I wouldn't want them in my home either even if I wasn't pg.

He should however still feed them if that was the arrangement.

WrapAroundYourDreams · 06/10/2021 21:32

It's driven by her I will guarantee it, so on that basis it gets my back up and I will accept that probably colours my view.

So would you have wanted a sick bug when in labour/having a c-section?

You say it's pathetic for the course when having children and yes sometimes it is unavoidable. But this isn't one of those unavoidable situations is it? You're not stupid, you know there's a chance the other two could be incubating the bug. You also know having had three children how awful it would be to have a bug just before having a baby. And you know there was an opportunity to give your ex the option- let him know that there's a chance they are all incubating the bug and would he like to rearrange and see them another time.

Whatever has gone on in the past can you not see that it's pretty low to risk his partner becoming unwell, to risk their new baby becoming unwell?

You can have a separate conversation about him stepping up more for your kids but these are exceptional circumstances which you are twisting for your own means.

Cadent · 06/10/2021 21:33

I don’t get this thread, if OP had posted that she didn’t want DSC to come over because one of them was ill, you’d have had your arse handed to you!

You can’t win on MN, OP. As the woman, you are ALWAYS responsible for your children and you have to be grateful for whatever crumbs your ex gives.

Simonjt · 06/10/2021 21:34

So you’re annoyed that someone who is about to have major surgery doesn’t want a sickness bug? But not only that, a new born baby could be exposed to a sickness bug, it doesn’t take a genius to work out how dangerous that could be.

If you would happily have a sickness bug when you’re due major surgery and expose a newborn baby to it then crack on, but don’t expect anyone else to have your standards.

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