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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Alcohol-free party...?

144 replies

AhCheeses · 06/10/2021 12:36

I'm organising a surprise party for next month with around 70 guests, starting early afternoon.
It's for my DH who doesn't drink, and I don't drink, and I've just found out a relative really wants to come but as a recovering alcoholic, is worried about being around people drinking...
I know that DH would rather have this relative there than have alcohol available and I have no problem with it being alcohol free because neither of us wouldn't drink anyway, but I'm stressing about what other guests will think if they arrive at a party that has no alcohol.

AIBU to have an afternoon to early evening party, for both adults and children (there will be quite a few people coming with kids!) with no alcohol available, and if we don't have alcohol, should I warn people beforehand or is it a bit 'kids party' without alcohol?

I was going to call the relative and just say there won't be any alcohol there because DH and I don't drink and it's our party so we get to choose, rather than make them feel like it's because of them.

I hope all that makes sense!? Honestly, I've never stressed so much over one decision! 😁

OP posts:
Bumblenums1234 · 06/10/2021 12:39

I wouldn't bother telling anyone, we don't really drink either and I would be relieved I wouldn't be bothered with idiots trying to get as pissed as possible for the evening.

I don't think it's a kids party without booze, just do nice soft drinks.

Aethelthryth · 06/10/2021 12:40

If this is essentially a tea party, then I think that sounds fine. If it's a late lunch, then it's a bit strange but in any event it's your husband's party and you can do as you like.

RampantIvy · 06/10/2021 12:41

I think you need to tell guests because most people will bring alcohol if not asked not to.

Justmuddlingalong · 06/10/2021 12:42

I think you'd have to let everyone know. I'd automatically bring a bottle even if I wasn't going to drink.

TeapotCollection · 06/10/2021 12:42

I think you need to tell people beforehand, a birthday party without alcohol is very unusual

Haveyoubrushedyourteethtoday · 06/10/2021 12:42

You’ll have to make it clear to your guests that you’re having an alcohol free party. Ie it won’t be provided and please don’t bring any. I’d probably turn up with a bottle of something unless explicitly told not to.

I would think it a bit odd, yes. But it wouldn’t necessarily deter me from going…depending on the guest list - some gatherings require alcohol to get through in my experience!

LagunaBubbles · 06/10/2021 12:42

wouldn't be bothered with idiots trying to get as pissed as possible for the evening

People can drink alcohol without getting pissed!

Depends what the party is for really. I would find it odd but its your party, you can do what you like

Ellarain · 06/10/2021 12:43

To be honest I would be surprised to attend a party with no alcohol. If it was an afternoon with kids then it's ok I suppose. I would tell your guests beforehand though. Myself and DH never drank until a few years ago. We still had parties with alcohol though. FIL is a recovering alcoholic the last 30 years too.

frutyloops · 06/10/2021 12:43

My son just turned 18. He is sober in AA. We had 3 course dinner with alcohol free champagne, beer and Wine etc with 55 people and nobody batted an eye lid.
Soon is my 50 year birthday. And we do it again.
The reason for alcohol free Wine etc is because people who enjoy Wine, like it with their food.

BIWI · 06/10/2021 12:43

There's a middle point between not drinking and trying to get as pissed as possible!

I'd be a bit a lot surprised to arrive at a party where no alcohol was being served, when in reality it's an adults' party.

Surely this is an issue that a recovering alcoholic is always going to face? And one that they have to find strategies to deal with?

It is, obviously, your prerogative. But if you're going to do it, yes you should definitely warn everyone that it's a dry party. And also, ask them not to bring a bottle, as many people would expect to turn up with one.

10Cheethahcubs · 06/10/2021 12:44

I think call it an afternoon tea party, and have it start at 3ish and finish early evening. I like a drink but would not expect alcohol to be served - or certainly not disappointed if it wasn't. I probably wouldn't specify 'no alcohol' as seems to make a bigger deal out of it than it needs to be.

I would also say - no need to bring anything at all (all food drinks will be provided) - so you don't get people turning up with bottles of wine etc.

MadamMedea · 06/10/2021 12:46

I would have no issue at all with a party like this (I do drink) but if you don’t want people to bring alcohol you should probably mention it because most people will unless told not to.

Iheartmysmart · 06/10/2021 12:47

I’m quite partial to a drink but would be quite happy to be invited to an early afternoon/evening party and there not being any alcohol. Maybe do some bowls of non-alcoholic punch and have plenty of tea and coffee available. It’s your party so just go with whatever makes you comfortable.

PurpleDaisies · 06/10/2021 12:47

I agree with warning people. I’d take a bottle otherwise.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having an alcohol free party.

astoundedgoat · 06/10/2021 12:50

I think it's fine not having alcohol but you have to frame it correctly make your food choices accordingly to avoid misunderstandings or disappointment.

So standing around with canapes (even super basic ones like crisps and nuts) and soft drinks would really make alcohol feel VERY absent!

But having an abundance of tea (as well as lovely herbal teas - even fresh mint, for instance) and coffee and making sure people's cups are filled etc, as well as serving afternoon tea style food - scones with clotted cream and jam, finger sandwiches, little cakes etc. Nobody would be wondering where their glass of wine was in that setting.

PurpleDaisies · 06/10/2021 12:51

So standing around with canapes (even super basic ones like crisps and nuts) and soft drinks would really make alcohol feel VERY absent!

Really?!

astoundedgoat · 06/10/2021 12:51

Make it clear that it's 3pm - 7pm and say on the invitation "no alcohol will be present at this party, so please don't bring a bottle - we just want to see you!"

astoundedgoat · 06/10/2021 12:53

@PurpleDaisies

So standing around with canapes (even super basic ones like crisps and nuts) and soft drinks would really make alcohol feel VERY absent!

Really?!

Yes. For many people, standing around chatting with canapes (i.e. early evening nibbles) tends to go hand in hand with a glass of something like Prosecco or wine. That's the way it is usually presented, at least with people for whom alcohol is fairly normal.
RampantIvy · 06/10/2021 12:54

I think having it as an afternoon tea party is a better idea.

Thatsplentyjack · 06/10/2021 12:57

I hary ever drink, but I think if I was invited to an adults party with 70 people, I would automatically assume there would be alcohol, and would be a bit disappointed if there wasn't. If I knew before hand it wouldn't bother me though.
Where is the party OP?

Original poster
AhCheeses · 06/10/2021 12:58

Such mixed answers!
Good to get opinions though. Thank you all for taking time to answer 🙏🏼

I didn't even think about people turning up with bottles, etc. Especially if people bring it as a gift... absolutely no use to DH! 😁 I'd rather people saved their money.

I'm going to speak with the relative later today, they live quite far away and would have to travel to us and I'd hate for them to feel uncomfortable.
They're early on in their recovery and I can understand why it might be tough for them.

OP posts:
10Cheethahcubs · 06/10/2021 13:01

An alternative would be host a breakfast party - say from 10.30am then serve all different types of breakfast foods - sort of like what you would get at a nice hotel breakfast buffet. No one would bring booze to an event classed as a breakfast in the morning. Just serve a really good coffee and a range of teas, freshly squeezed fruit juices.

I also think going out for breakfast is so lovely - people won't be expecting booze so conversation would naturally flow and it would take away any sort of expectation around what people want to drink. It also allows people to have afternoon/evening plans.

rosesarered321 · 06/10/2021 13:03

I disagree re breakfast, it's a lovely idea but unless told otherwise I'd bring a bottle of champagne to the celebration.

Original poster
AhCheeses · 06/10/2021 13:03

@astoundedgoat

Make it clear that it's 3pm - 7pm and say on the invitation "no alcohol will be present at this party, so please don't bring a bottle - we just want to see you!"
That's a lovely way to phrase it! And it really is more about getting together with people we haven't seen in a long time, rather than a reason to get drunk! Some of the people attending haven't seen DH for a fair few years now.

@Thatsplentyjack, it's at a function hall near us.

OP posts:
rosesarered321 · 06/10/2021 13:05

I'd have no issue with an alcohol free party, we've been to an alcohol free bbq at a Muslim friends house, but I'd want to be warned otherwise I'd bring a bottle to the party.

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