Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Alcohol-free party...?

144 replies

AhCheeses · 06/10/2021 12:36

I'm organising a surprise party for next month with around 70 guests, starting early afternoon.
It's for my DH who doesn't drink, and I don't drink, and I've just found out a relative really wants to come but as a recovering alcoholic, is worried about being around people drinking...
I know that DH would rather have this relative there than have alcohol available and I have no problem with it being alcohol free because neither of us wouldn't drink anyway, but I'm stressing about what other guests will think if they arrive at a party that has no alcohol.

AIBU to have an afternoon to early evening party, for both adults and children (there will be quite a few people coming with kids!) with no alcohol available, and if we don't have alcohol, should I warn people beforehand or is it a bit 'kids party' without alcohol?

I was going to call the relative and just say there won't be any alcohol there because DH and I don't drink and it's our party so we get to choose, rather than make them feel like it's because of them.

I hope all that makes sense!? Honestly, I've never stressed so much over one decision! 😁

OP posts:
RonaKnob · 06/10/2021 16:41

Omg @AhCheeses can I come to your party? I don't drink and to go somewhere without expectation or pressure would be wonderful.

Original poster
AhCheeses · 06/10/2021 16:42

@BurntO

If the function room has a bar it will never ever work
Its not a function hall like a sports club or village hall... It's hard to describe where it's being held without giving away too much information 🙈 I have access to the whole building, there is a bar area but it won't be in use. Other than for me to use the fridges to store drinks.
OP posts:
Original poster
AhCheeses · 06/10/2021 16:48

@RonaKnob

Omg *@AhCheeses* can I come to your party? I don't drink and to go somewhere without expectation or pressure would be wonderful.
You're in! 😁 I can't seem to stop inviting people! I didn't realise this was a problem I had! I bumped into a friend of DH's that I wasn't going to invite as I was 'keeping it close' but when I saw him I remembered he knows a few of DH's other friends and long story short, he and his family are now coming and he's offered to invite 'a few others' that I don't have contact details for! 🤦🏼 I told him I'll message him about the others in the hope that I forget to do it! I'm about 20 over what I've catered for and I can't seem to stop! 😁 I'm working on the basis that some people's plans will change and some will drop out... Maybe making it alcohol free will actually help cull the numbers if I keep going! 😂
OP posts:
LittleGwyneth · 06/10/2021 17:44

@BigSandyBalls2015 I'd be right there in the pub with you, necking a glass of wine and feeling lightly resentful of how I was about to spend my Saturday night!

Wazzzzzzzup · 06/10/2021 17:48

I feel like the peolle I normally roll my yes at here, but I agree. It's actually sad and concerning (omg can't believe I am saying that😂) that people can't go to a party or wedding without alcohol and be fine and have fun anyway.
Again. I am very partial to drink. Still enjoyed number of parties without it 👀

gogohm · 06/10/2021 17:57

I think you need to tell your guests because it's normal to bring a bottle to such events. I would suggest keeping the explanation brief but say you have decided to have no alcohol to support guests who otherwise couldn't attend or similar. Make sure they know it's not just because you are being mean

gogohm · 06/10/2021 18:02

But one tip, do get in some drinks that aren't sweet - most non alcoholic drinks are sickly sweet and full of sugar, not everyone likes juice and sweet fizzy drinks. Drinks like beer and not sweet

LittleGwyneth · 06/10/2021 18:08

@Wazzzzzzzup I can, I would just really rather not. I'm pregnant and I spend my life going to things sober, and it's been fine. But after about six hours I get tired and a bit bored, whereas with a drink I'm more inclined to keep going all night. It's the same with food - I could go to a party with nothing to eat, but I'd rather there was something.

Mreggsworth · 06/10/2021 18:10

People can be fine and have fun without alcohol, but also some people would find events like parties more fun with alcohol. There is nothing 'sad' about that. There are plenty of events I can list which are enjoyable and sociable without drink, but for me personally a party is one of those events I usually look forward to having drinks at. Doesn't make me a raging alcoholic. I would still have a nice time without a drink, just probably a better time with one.

Wazzzzzzzup · 06/10/2021 18:11

[quote LittleGwyneth]**@Wazzzzzzzup* I can, I would just really rather not. I'm pregnant and I spend my life going to things sober, and it's been fine. But after about six hours I get tired and a bit bored, whereas with a drink I'm more inclined to keep going all night. It's the same with food - I could* go to a party with nothing to eat, but I'd rather there was something.[/quote]
Tbf maybe that is because everyone else is drinking? It i different when no one is

Wiredforsound · 06/10/2021 18:20

I would bill it as a proper afternoon cream tea - finger sandwiches, scones, clotted cream, and jam, mini savouries, cakes, and lots of tea, coffee and soft drinks.

IWillFindYou · 06/10/2021 18:26

@gogohm

I think you need to tell your guests because it's normal to bring a bottle to such events. I would suggest keeping the explanation brief but say you have decided to have no alcohol to support guests who otherwise couldn't attend or similar. Make sure they know it's not just because you are being mean
Being mean??!?
RampantIvy · 06/10/2021 18:32

[quote LittleGwyneth]@BigSandyBalls2015 I'd be right there in the pub with you, necking a glass of wine and feeling lightly resentful of how I was about to spend my Saturday night![/quote]
You sound a delight Confused
I drink. I have just necked a large G and T, but it wouldn't bother me to not drink at a party.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 06/10/2021 18:33

I have seen your update about not knowing quite a few of the guests.

I have revised my opinion.

Unless the presence of the recovering relative is so central to your DH’s happiness that he could not enjoy the party without them, then I think that you should not send out an message saying no alcohol. You should just tell the relative it will not be a big feature of the party. I fear that your DH might end up embarrassed that his fairly casual friends were directed not even to bring a bottle.

So, on reflection, whilst i still think it’s probably ok for you not to serve alcohol; I’m a little less confident even this will go over well given you do not know all the attendees, and I am fairly firmly of the view that it would be a bit of a miss to tell them all that they cannot even bring any drink of their own. I think that to send a message like that, however delicately expressed, to people you don’t know will have a negative impact on the number of attendees.

Sorry to be less positive than I was. To be clear, if I was your guest it still would not be a problem for me. But I do think others, who you do not know, might be a bit put off.

DrCoconut · 06/10/2021 21:59

Can I suggest that if anyone wants an alcohol free party with an easy explanation have it in a Methodist church hall. It will be in the T+C that no alcohol is permitted on site. Plus they are usually cheap to hire too. I'm from a background where alcohol is just not a thing and booze free is my default setting. It wouldn't occur to me to take alcohol to a party or someone's home unless specifically asked to. As for taking a hip flask to an alcohol free event that's incredibly disrespectful to the wishes of the host.

RampantIvy · 06/10/2021 22:08

As for taking a hip flask to an alcohol free event that's incredibly disrespectful to the wishes of the host.

I agree

MurielSpriggs · 06/10/2021 22:34

You sound a delight confused
I drink. I have just necked a large G and T, but it wouldn't bother me to not drink at a party.

I don't drink, but to be honest I'd probably not want to go to an adults' party where there's no alcohol! The atmosphere is much more fun when most people have a few drinks in them. It's a bit like herd immunity from vaccination - not everyone needs it for it to work, and a few freeloaders can benefit from the majority having it, but if no one has it it's going to be a flop Grin

Original poster
AhCheeses · 07/10/2021 10:10

@MurielSpriggs

You sound a delight confused I drink. I have just necked a large G and T, but it wouldn't bother me to not drink at a party.

I don't drink, but to be honest I'd probably not want to go to an adults' party where there's no alcohol! The atmosphere is much more fun when most people have a few drinks in them. It's a bit like herd immunity from vaccination - not everyone needs it for it to work, and a few freeloaders can benefit from the majority having it, but if no one has it it's going to be a flop Grin

Your herd immunity analogy made me laugh 😁 For me, I'd rather have a bucket cup of tea with friends than an evening out drinking so it's good to get the opinion of others as I know I'm in the minority!
OP posts:
Balonzette · 07/10/2021 10:22

I'd tell people in advance. I'd be so bemused if I turned up to a family party and nobody offered me a cold beer or a nice glass of wine! I barely drink but a party is an occasion where I'd be looking forwars to a drink and a chat - not sure I could be arsed dealing with a huge room full of people without a glass of wine to make it seem less of a chore to make polite conversation with people I've not seen for a long time. So I'd make it clear so that the people who would rather not attend can not attend. (The more antisocial among us Grin)

New posts on this thread. Refresh page