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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not get DS vaccinated

311 replies

Florence282 · 06/10/2021 08:42

I think this probably not allowed but I'm very interested to see what the general population thinks about vaccinating our DC. DS is 12 and after a tonne of research we've decided not to vaccinate. Other mums in the school are struggling to make a decision.

Yanbu=no to the vaccine
Yabu=yes to the vaccine

OP posts:

Wroxie · 06/10/2021 14:54

I am "respectfully" telling you that you are, indeed, selfish. You think that the (basically nonexistent) risk to YOUR precious child is more important than the real risk to the people he could infect - for whom Covid is actually deadly, not just a bit of a cold.
How can that be defined as anything other than selfish? Just because you have the "right" to do something and it's the thing you want to do, doesn't mean it's the right thing, or that it's not selfish. You don't get to be antisocial and then expect to be praised for it.

Theredjellybean · 06/10/2021 14:55

I'm. Not a teacher.. I'm a GP, and clinical lead for the vaccination programme.
Its my job to try and encourage a dialogue between parents who won't give consent and young people who want the vaccine and who I deem gilick competent.
Legally I can give it without the bother of trying to discuss it further with the parents or legal guardians but it is much better to try to find common ground and involve them.
Perhaps read what I wrote first... And frankly I'm stunned by the way parents on here continue to persist in the belief that they and only they have "rights" over medical decisions relating to their children.
Children are not your possessions, they are seen as independent entities

roarfeckingroarr · 06/10/2021 14:57

Hell no to kids and I've been double jabbed

Theredjellybean · 06/10/2021 14:58

And this is what Victoria gilick discovered when she challenged the doctor who gave her daughter contraception.
I'm polite and sensitive to parents views to try to have some kind of discussion with them and get them on board, but bottom line is they are not my patients the young person is.

Comedycook · 06/10/2021 14:59

@Theredjellybean

I'm. Not a teacher.. I'm a GP, and clinical lead for the vaccination programme. Its my job to try and encourage a dialogue between parents who won't give consent and young people who want the vaccine and who I deem gilick competent. Legally I can give it without the bother of trying to discuss it further with the parents or legal guardians but it is much better to try to find common ground and involve them. Perhaps read what I wrote first... And frankly I'm stunned by the way parents on here continue to persist in the belief that they and only they have "rights" over medical decisions relating to their children. Children are not your possessions, they are seen as independent entities

Can I ask what you do if a parent consents to the vaccine and the child doesn't want it?

MarshaBradyo · 06/10/2021 15:00

@Wroxie

I am "respectfully" telling you that you are, indeed, selfish. You think that the (basically nonexistent) risk to YOUR precious child is more important than the real risk to the people he could infect - for whom Covid is actually deadly, not just a bit of a cold. How can that be defined as anything other than selfish? Just because you have the "right" to do something and it's the thing you want to do, doesn't mean it's the right thing, or that it's not selfish. You don't get to be antisocial and then expect to be praised for it.

Of course the op’s dc are important to her as most dc are to parents.

But also the JCVI decided with a child centred approach, which is good. It’s not just parents who think the benefit needs to be for the vaccinated group.

Theredjellybean · 06/10/2021 15:00

Same response, discussed with all parties but definitely not giving it if child says no.
That would amount in law to assault

Penfield · 06/10/2021 15:00

Can I ask what you do if a parent consents to the vaccine and the child doesn't want it?

What would you do @Theredjellybean?

Penfield · 06/10/2021 15:01

Sorry I missed your answer.

Comedycook · 06/10/2021 15:01

@Theredjellybean

Same response, discussed with all parties but definitely not giving it if child says no. That would amount in law to assault

Thanks!

Theredjellybean · 06/10/2021 15:02

We've had few "I don't like needles", "I feel sick I don't want it"
They get a nice sit down and a chat.. Is it fear of needles, fear of vaccine...?
Do they understand the consequences of both going ahead or not...
What can we do to make it easier? If it's just needle fear...?

Jowak1 · 06/10/2021 15:04

My son was supposed to have his vaccine today at school but he's off with Covid! He's got no symptoms and is completely fine!! Therefore I'm wondering now whether he needs it since he's had Covid??!!

GnomeyGnome · 06/10/2021 15:06

That's really interesting @Theredjellybean and makes me wonder why my DC's school have said that they won't be considering it if they legally can't. I can't imagine parents who don't consent will be very happy if their child comes home having had the vaccine on school premises without permission, especially after being explicitly told it wouldn't happen. Feels like they're asking for trouble a little bit.

MarshaBradyo · 06/10/2021 15:07

@Theredjellybean

We've had few "I don't like needles", "I feel sick I don't want it" They get a nice sit down and a chat.. Is it fear of needles, fear of vaccine...? Do they understand the consequences of both going ahead or not... What can we do to make it easier? If it's just needle fear...?

Are you attached to a few schools or one school?

Does every school have someone like you atm

starlilly88 · 06/10/2021 15:12

Some parents not aware that kids can't have the vaccine within 28 days of a Covid infection. So many have it at the moment in school, take up may be a lot lower than thought

Wroxie · 06/10/2021 15:19

@MarshaBradyo the OP asked if she was being unreasonable not to vaccinate. I think she is. I don't agree with the JCVI that the benefit of the children should be considered over the benefit to society, either. There is a very, very nasty strain of individualism which is taking over which holds that whatever I can do to avoid the very mildest of inconvenience and the merest hint of risk to me and mine is not only "allowed" but should be praised. People will die because people like OP choose not to vaccinate their children- I am not going to sit here and pat her on the back for her strong stand. She's selfish and anti-social and she is raising children with selfish and anti-social values. She can do what she want but she should at least have the decency to be ashamed of herself.

Theredjellybean · 06/10/2021 15:20

I'm not attached to a school.
I'm the clinical lead for the vaccination programme in my area.
We are rolling out the vaccination of children for our ccg.
Other ccgs have commissioned other agencies like school nursing service

trumpisagit · 06/10/2021 15:24

@wroxie
Do you really think that the choice shouldn't be centred on what is best for the child?

I think you will find that very few parents agree with that, no matter whether they are choosing to go ahead now with teen covid vaccination, or not.

Geamhradh · 06/10/2021 15:26

@WouldBeGood

Most people are just trying to decide what’s best for their DCs, not anti vaxxers or selfish.

My DS is so precious to me, I need to ensure I do the best for him.

Yes, excellent. I obviously don't give a shit about mine and would see her under a bus.

What an inane comment.

TableFlowerss · 06/10/2021 15:26

@Wroxie

I am "respectfully" telling you that you are, indeed, selfish. You think that the (basically nonexistent) risk to YOUR precious child is more important than the real risk to the people he could infect - for whom Covid is actually deadly, not just a bit of a cold. How can that be defined as anything other than selfish? Just because you have the "right" to do something and it's the thing you want to do, doesn't mean it's the right thing, or that it's not selfish. You don't get to be antisocial and then expect to be praised for it.

Morally it’s not fair to put that type of pressure on people.

At least you acknowledge that the benefit of the vaccine isn’t on a individual level (for younger people) but it’s beneficial on a population level…

MissConductUS · 06/10/2021 15:27

We gladly got it for our 18 yo DD and 20 yo DS as soon as we could get them booked. I'm in New York, which was an early epicenter, and saw some pretty horrific hospitalization and mortality rates.

feellikeanalien · 06/10/2021 15:29

DD (14) has a rare neurological condition. I spoke to her consultant about her getting the jab and her response was that DD shouldn't have any additional problems with the jab because of her condition but that it was down to me in the end. It didn't really reassure me very much.

I have very reluctantly signed the consent form because DD's condition means that that she could potentially have heart and blood clotting issues. These are obviously also possible with Covid so I feel that I am between a rock and a hard place. If she gets Covid these issues could arise but equally if she has the jab there is also a possibility.

On top of all this DD is likely to refuse to have it as she has had so many medical procedures that even getting her to agree to a blood test is a major issue. The school nurse has assured me that she will not be forced to have it. I don't think Gillick competency would apply in her case because of her additional needs.

I felt awful for about 2 weeks after my first jab which hasn't helped the decision making process. It really has been very stressful and left me feeling guilty for giving consent but equally if I hadn't given consent and she got Covid badly I would also feel guilty.

The joys of being a parent I guess.

JustDanceAddict · 06/10/2021 15:30

At that age I wouldn’t yet. My ds (17.5) was recently vaxxed, but I think 5 years & being post-puberty makes a difference.

MrsBerthaRochester · 06/10/2021 15:33

None of my DC's having vaccine. Discussed it with them,they and I agreed I agree they are not at substantial risk of being seriously ill and vulnerable people should all be double jabbed by now(or can shield if that scared of COVID)

Comedycook · 06/10/2021 15:34

@MissConductUS

We gladly got it for our 18 yo DD and 20 yo DS as soon as we could get them booked. I'm in New York, which was an early epicenter, and saw some pretty horrific hospitalization and mortality rates.

So they're adults. We're talking about children

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