To have a 10 month old baby in a nursery 5 days a week?

[Toomuchworkon]

Just been reading another thread where it’s generally agreed this is a lot / potentially too much and I’m all worried now.

Honestly, would you be judging me harshly?

My eldest was in nursery FT 5 days a week 8-6 from 9mths to school - he's now a teenager
He's bright, articulate, has good bonds with his brother and us, he's good at making friends, he's well behaved and basically quite a nice human being.
He had no problems going from nursery to school, in fact he settled very quickly.
His brother is 5 and went to nursery from 1yr and is similarly a really nice child although completely different in personality to his brother.
I know it's only anecdotal but both of mine went through nursery from a young age and have turned out nice, normal kids with great relationships with friends and family so for us nursery was a positive experience - oh and it made them realise mummy's and daddy's jobs have equal footing.

If people judge they are twats.

My child was 7 months and was in 5 days a week 8-4.30 she is amazing and so well socialised. She is very close to me and her dad.

I felt it better to have a roof over our heads than be homeless with her! I also loved my job at the time (since got made redundant) and couldn't go part time.

Mine went into nursery full time at 10 months in May. People will always have differing opinions on this type of thing, what matters is you & your family in your own individual circumstances. My type of job doesn’t have any opportunity for the elusive 3 day week, compressed hours etc, we’d suffer financial hardship if I didn’t work and, frankly, I’d be a worse mum to her because I found maternity leave quite relentless.

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood

I have absolutely no empirical evidence to support my claim that “it’s a lot” (in response to EarringsandLipstick), just my own experience with my 3 DC. I’ve been a mother working outside the home (or actually WFH recently!) for 20 years and can still remember the bone aching exhaustion of combining a full time, demanding, job with having a 9 month old. My posts were coming from a position of empathy and having been there. Maybe in my haste that didn’t come across.

That's a very fair point LadyMacbeth I concur!

In my situation (3 DC, mostly full time work, necessary as in the recession I was on contract work so had to keep taking what was available), I found it got harder as I had more DC and was juggling a 4 and 2 yo, and newborn at one stage.

When I had 1, full time was fine as I only had her to think about.

By the time I got to 3, one having started school, I was exhausted. (Then my marriage, which was abusive, ended but that's another story!)

I don't think yabu. It is a necessary means to an end and I don't think it is harmful. I'm not entirely onboard with the MN script that it is some kind of gold standard to get babies to tolerate being cared for outside the home before they become too opinionated and fussy about it though or that it is a preferable or broadly equivalent experience to spending the day with their primary carers.

I did it with dc1. Full time 8am -6.30pm 5 days a week from age 10m to 4 years. I had to do it, no choice. It was fine during the time, but I didn’t even think about it for my younger 2, and chose to stay at home with them. You miss out on a lot of firsts and sometimes the guilt gets to you, and be prepared to hear a lot of catty comments about leaving your baby in the care of “strangers” from people you know.

Fwiw, my eldest is sensible, chatty, extremely independent/timely and has had the most amazing common sense from an early age. So it definitely hasn’t done any harm.

No the baby will be fine, there’s nothing to judge. They’ll probably settle in a lot more quickly than a child who is only attending a couple of days a week. My DC started at 10 months and it was good timing, before major separation anxiety kicked in that seemed to make settling harder for friends whose children started at 1+.

I would not be judging you harshly OP. My 3 were all in FT nursery by that age and were - and are - fine.

For me it was quite hard but I tried to change my mindset. My mother was a SAHM and so that was the norm in my family.

I was fortunate in finding a really lovely, homely, well-run nursery, which I eventually began to see as an extension of my own home (hope the DC felt similar). They now attend ASC run by the same nursery, with some of the same staff, which gives them wonderful continuity. Some of the staff have known my DS (9) since he was a mere bump.

udging you harshly, OP? I wouldn't be judging you at all! In order for you to be able to work, your baby needs to have some sort of childcare - be it nursery, CM, whatever. Both my children were in nursery FT from 6/7m. I had to work, and they needed to be looked after. That setup worked fine for my DC

I was one of 4 DC and my mum was an SAHM from the time I was born (I'm number 3 of 4). My parents had the financial means to have 4 DC, but also have my mum at home as an SAHM. That set up worked fine for them. One of my friends has 3. She's an SAHM and two of hers board during the week. Works fine for them. My brother and SIL both work FT (but compressed hours) and their DC are looked after by one of them 2 days a week, and 3days they're in nursery/school/wraparound care. Another friend and her husband work around each other's shifts to look after their DC.

Just choose what is best for your family. I've cited 5 families (inc my own one) and each way of childcare works fine for them. None of those ways are right or wrong.

I had a few negative comments when my DC were babies, about me putting them in nursery FT. However, I've always been the breadwinner. I did suggest to those making the comments that they were welcome to pay for me to stay at home with my DC until they started school (they could also then fund my education so that I can get back on my professional register after being out of work for x number years), but weirdly, they didn't seem to like that!!!

PS both my DC are fine. And they have really happy memories of the wonderful nursery that they went to.

Mine were both in full time at 6 months, I had no choice and they are both happy well adjusted adults now. Don't worry what anybody else is doing this is your decision not theirs.

if you have no choice what does it matter what people think? peoples thoughts wont pay your mortgage.
Personally I couldn't have done it, too exhausting plus I'd have felt terrible guilt and sadness, no matter how happy they were at nursery.

Anyone who judges you should mind their own business!

My almost 11 month old starts nursery in a couple of weeks and I am personally devastated. At the risk of feeling dramatic, I have felt for the past two weeks like my life is coming to an end! Would I love to stay at home with him…yes. However, that is not possible and I am very lucky that I’ve had these past 11 months with him. I don’t need judgement when I already feel like that. For various reasons, I have to go back full time so he will be in nursery five days a week. Neither of our mums are able to help so that’s that, there’s no other option.

However, I know it will do him so much good…especially as a pandemic baby!! He loves playing with other babies and so he’ll get to do this everyday! He’ll be stimulated everyday with new and exciting activities. Also due to the fact that we have no help from anyone and so is not regularly looked after by anyone else, he is starting to become very clingy to me…so it will definitely do him some good.

I had two kids 4 years apart. Oldest is 21.

One went to childcare (childminder then nursery) from 11 month (8-6, 5 days) the other was with me up until he was 3 when he started half day nursery at the school.

They are both absolutely fine. I do think there were some differences when they were young that I can relate back to the childcare arrangements. I would find a slight positive for childcare, my youngest (the one in childcare) was a much more confident and self possessed child (in a good way). That said he also had an older brother and my oldest didn't so who's to say it wasn't that? Plus they have entirely different personalities.

Any difference between them that I did possibly ascribe to childcare arrangements has long since vanished.

@Toomuchworkon I’d be stunned if your baby is the only full timer. I worked in the baby room for three years - the majority of babies were full time and came every day, and I don’t think we ever had less than a third who were in 7am - 6pm.

Generally, the babies in full-time settled well and I loved all the babies in the room, they all got plenty of cuddles and chats and activities to do. Please don’t stress about it. It might not be your ideal - and Mumsnets ideal changes as the wind blows - but your baby will be absolutely fine.

My ds went to nursery FT from 4.5 months old. He had loving, consistent care at both nurseries he went to (we moved when he was 15 months), and at 15 is a very well adjusted teenager with no attachment issues at all

Lots of babies are full time. My only advice is make sure you are happy with the nursery and the staff who will be caring for your child. Check for trips out of the nursery environment so that they get a change of scene and remember it's a busy environment, just as we need holidays from work you can tell young children need a holiday from nursery now and then when they are full time.

We're planning five days a week 9am until 5.30pm from ten months. I didn't think twice about it tbh as being too much, but lots of my friends and colleagues have done this and are doing this already so it seems normal to me

I work in a nursery and most babies are full time some in 8-6. Your baby will be fine.

Mine went full time at 6 months. Doesn't seem to have done them much harm!

I went back full time when dc were 11months old. I found the drop off and collection really gruelling, especially if we had been up in the night with teething or poorly etc. Could you afford a nanny in the house a couple of days a week?

@Toomuchworkon

I’m hoping to drop a day or two in the near future but right now it is a new job and so full time. The alternative would have been to not work and to have looked for part time work but part time is rarely advertised - it tends to happen when people have been there and then reduce hours.

That's what I did OP. My eldest was 14 months when I went back to work. It was a new job, full time. After less than a year I dropped to 4 days and did M/T/Th/Fr. Since my DS2 I do even less, I wfh M & Th and only work school hours on those days. That first year was worth it, and it really didn't do my DS1 any harm at all.

Why don’t you repost and ask if anyone would be judging your DP harshly for daring to have a job and a baby. You work, you have a baby, it’s no big deal. Find a childcare you are happy with and dispense with the sexist mum guilt.

I wouldn't be happy doing that but given your response to ladymacbeth it's clear you don't want opinions, just reassurance.

Mine went full time from 16 weeks. He loved it. He's 25 now, well rounded, good job. No issues I can see.