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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a 10 month old baby in a nursery 5 days a week?

281 replies

Toomuchworkon · 06/10/2021 06:58

Just been reading another thread where it’s generally agreed this is a lot / potentially too much and I’m all worried now.

Honestly, would you be judging me harshly?

OP posts:
Bunnycat101 · 06/10/2021 07:37

Needs must though so no I wouldn’t be judging. Your chances of negotiating part-time with an existing employer will be much better. But, with the benefit of hindsight (and having had two go through baby rooms) I’d prefer a nanny over full time nursery at that age.

Popskipiekin · 06/10/2021 07:39

Think it’s sort of unwise to post on MN about this OP when clearly you do not have a choice. You’ll get people saying “ideally not” which may make you doubt yourself and feel bad. Really please don’t. I didn’t have a choice when I sent our 10 month old DS to nursery 7.30-6.30 x5 days but was very happy with the set up (cost not withstanding: £22k per annum for one child! And this was 6 years ago. Central london…)

He absolutely loved it (particularly second breakfast on arrival!), bonded well with his key worker, he really was very happy and it was just normal.

Things I honestly didn’t like? 1) having to all bundle out the door together so early in the morning as opposed to having a nanny come to you. 2) the fact that he did get sick quite a lot to begin with so we were paying adhoc nanny(sitters) on top of nursery fees to have him at home when he was miserable with cold and couldn’t go in. And no I didn’t stay at home with him myself Shock not if it was just a bad cold. 3) occasionally we did have to leave him to the very end of the day and he’d be one of the last two kids standing! That was the only time I felt a smidge bad. Otherwise, all good. Stay strong, it will work out fine.

Original poster
Toomuchworkon · 06/10/2021 07:43

Thanks @LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood I thought there had been a misunderstanding!

Tbh I’m good with honest responses as I do notice my baby is probably the only FT one, can’t be helped, but I wonder what people think.

OP posts:
LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 06/10/2021 07:44

I have absolutely no empirical evidence to support my claim that “it’s a lot” (in response to EarringsandLipstick), just my own experience with my 3 DC. I’ve been a mother working outside the home (or actually WFH recently!) for 20 years and can still remember the bone aching exhaustion of combining a full time, demanding, job with having a 9 month old. My posts were coming from a position of empathy and having been there. Maybe in my haste that didn’t come across.

TreeTurningYellow · 06/10/2021 07:51

Your child is in a nursery, probably stimulating, engaging staff, with other children not left in a blank room for a day. That is how I viewed it when as a SAHM I put my own child in nursery for a day every week.

You are doing what thousands of other mothers have to do, most do work full time, their children are in nursery or with a childminder or family member. I volunteer in a primary school, the majority of female teachers are full time, their children are in a nursery.

I would not judge you at all.

lentilsandeggs · 06/10/2021 07:52

This is entirely normal in European countries where mat leave can be as short as four months.

NichyNoo · 06/10/2021 07:53

DS was in full time nursery from 6 months. I could’ve taken the full 12 months maternity but was crawling the walls by 6 months so went back to work. He thrived in nursery and is now a happy 11 year old and we have a really close relationship. DH went back to work after only 2 weeks paternity leave which wasn’t even questioned.

Littlebutload · 06/10/2021 07:54

I put my son in creche from 9 months he was fine. I didn't feel judged that's what most people do as they have to go back to work to keep paying for life! It was hard at the start to leave him there but he soon got used to it and liked it there. It's great as they do lots of messy play, try different food an get to socialise, which is important when they get a bit older. I have no regrets about it, he's 4 now and a lovely child. Definitely don't give up the job, at least try it for a few months and see how you go, you might like being back in work and your child could thrive in creche.

CallmeIT · 06/10/2021 07:56

My DC was in nursery part time from
1 year old. I was fortunate to have a job with good mat pay. Their cousin, whose mother had less favourable mat pay sent their (same sex, same age as mine) DC to the same nursery 5 days a week from 6 months old (possibly even sooner, I’m not sure they were even sitting).

I can tell you that is no difference between the two in terms of happiness, well-being, educational attainment etc now (they are teens)

Arguably my DN had the nicer time at nursery as staff had had her since she was so small and were very attached to her!

Im sure people judged me more favourably than my sister at the time and I’m sure I made a few “I couldn’t do it” comments in private but honestly, it hasn’t made a difference.

Lonecatwithkitten · 06/10/2021 07:57

17 years ago the vast majority of people went back full time and before a year. DD was in nursery full time as were most of the other children now. Their nursery was lovely warm and fun she often cried as she didn't want to come home ( she was always one of the first to arrive and first to leave).
She is still friends with two of the girls she was in nursery with from being small babies.
I kept a roof over my head and advanced my career she doesn't remember that time, but she loves the fact that due to advancing my career we are now well off and can afford to do things together. She has a car and various other nice things because I worked to build our current life.
Do what is right for your family.

icedcoffees · 06/10/2021 08:00

I was in full-time childcare from three months, though a childminder rather than nursery, then I started school nursery/pre school at three (9am-3pm), with a childminder as "wrap around" care.

Is it ideal? Probably not but sometimes that's life lol. Your child will be just fine.

vivainsomnia · 06/10/2021 08:04

I did it, with both my kids. I had no choice. I made sure that I lucked an excellent nursery that net their individual needs. They did and were wonderful. Both my kids were happy there.

They are now very happy well adjusted, no trouble, excelling in their field adults.

I asked them when they were teenagers if they'd ever wanted differently and they both told me no.

I was never judge, on the opposite. I was often congratulated for doing it all and having lovely happy well behaved kids.

Drop the guilt OP, its wasted energy that you will need to give them 100% when you are with them.

gogohm · 06/10/2021 08:04

I wouldn't judge you but it's not a choice I made for my family - we lived frugally (rented, I did work I could do with the kids) until they were both in school then worked pt.

ACNHMAMA · 06/10/2021 08:05

It's nice to be able to have the choice TBH. Hmm

The problem is on MN, there are people who think cutting back means giving up on of their ponies or something equally ridiculous. If you ask anyone in real life, most people have had to keep working after their DC were born.

Lucyccfc68 · 06/10/2021 08:06

My DS was in nursery 5 days a week from 10 months. I went back to work full time, as I earned more than DH and knew I had the opportunity to really advance my career to give us a really secure future. The majority of other parents had their children in nursery 5 days. All of my friends work too and had childcare full time.

Good job I did, as DH and I split up when DS was nearly 3. DS is 16 now and is a lovely, happy, hardworking young man, who knows you work for what you want in life. Had numerous promotions over the years and have never had to worry about the financial aspect of being a single parent.

Calamityhuman · 06/10/2021 08:08

What’s the point of asking if you’ve already decided? It will just make you doubt it / feel bad if the decision is made.

CaptainMyCaptain · 06/10/2021 08:09

I did, it was necessary at the time. She's an adult with her own children now and doesn't appear to have suffered in any way.

sbhydrogen · 06/10/2021 08:11

My baby will be going into nursery Monday to Friday 9-5pm. Her elder sister did the same at 12 months, and she's not a psychopath. No judgement at all!

Original poster
Toomuchworkon · 06/10/2021 08:11

@Calamityhuman

What’s the point of asking if you’ve already decided? It will just make you doubt it / feel bad if the decision is made.
No it won’t. I’m good with asking. It’s what MN is for.
OP posts:
DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 06/10/2021 08:12

My first son went into nursery full time at 8 months. He's 14 now and all good.

My third son has been in full time childminders since 11 months. He's fine.

If recommend a childminder over a nursery every time, but especially if he's going full time.

Caspianberg · 06/10/2021 08:13

I think it’s fine. However if you have the chance in future to drop down to 4 days it would give you all a little more free time/ one extra day not rushed in mornings etc

Dh recently dropped down to 4 days as we luckily could, and it really has changed how rushed we were beforehand as we now have 3 days to fit stuff in.

WeepySheepy · 06/10/2021 08:13

To be honest I wish I'd put my LO into nursery earlier and could afford more days. They get so much from it. Especially with the pandemic meaning I couldn't get to a baby group.

jevoudrais · 06/10/2021 08:18

My DD started at 12 months and she had bad separation anxiety. If anything I think a bit earlier will be better. And she'll settle better with the routine and consistency of five days than children who go once or twice a week. I personally much prefer nursery to grandparents for childcare. I don't think grandparents can offer what a nursery does usually. Plenty of people I know send their children to different forms of childcare for five days a week and I think that would also be more confusing snd unsettling than five days in nursery.

Some days at nursery are quieter than others (usually Fridays) so the children often get to do more exciting things on those days I find, as it's easier for the staff to manage. DD is 14 months and it's always a Friday that she does more hands on things. They made shortbread last Friday and that was their snack at nursery and some was brought home with her too Smile

lotsofdogshere · 06/10/2021 08:20

My children are in their mid 30’s. They are still friends with their childminer. Their children went to nursery rather than childminders. Nurseries are much better now than 30 years ago. Their children are happy and enjoy nursery. Live your life OP x

babouchette · 06/10/2021 08:22

No judgement from me. I had to do this. It's harder for the mum than the baby in my experience! I cried after every drop off for a few weeks at the start Blush