To have a 10 month old baby in a nursery 5 days a week?

[Toomuchworkon]

Just been reading another thread where it’s generally agreed this is a lot / potentially too much and I’m all worried now.

Honestly, would you be judging me harshly?

I appreciate others have to do it, or choose to use childcare. I value time over money and after DC1 I returned to my career but two months in jacked it in. It was a nightmare working round DH's shift pattern, and negotiating shifts that I needed for childcare purposes. Impossible with night shifts in the mix. We both decided that long term if we were having another child that staying at home was the best option. I found I was dumping 6mo DC off at grandparents house whilst doing my shift then had long commute home afterwards with a sleepy child.

We don't fall into the 'norm' as majority on this thread will work 9 til 5, a straightforward type of lifestyle Monday to Friday - all predictable, very easy. Nurseries aren't open overnight if you're both back shift/night shift at the weekend🤷

I have 4DC now and don't regret staying at home with them. My career just wasn't compatible with family life. Fortunately we don't need two incomes (for now 14 years in).

Do as you need to do OP. Bit harsh those judging though, if you have to work to keep a roof over your head. Needs must.

@SkinnyMirror

I'm a university academic in an education faculty at a university. While early childhood education isn't my specialist subject I do teach and moderate work on modules attached to our childhood studies degree programmes. This means I'm quite familiar with the research.

It's not as black and white as people suggest. The key bits of information to take away are:

• quality of childcare is key. Most quality research will acknowledge this.
• poverty is the biggest indicator of ongoing issues and disadvantage as it usually means there are other things going in at home.
• poor families tend to be using poorer childcare which exacerbates the issue

Interestingly, all the academics that teach on our early years and childhood studies degrees have used childcare themselves. I think that speaks volumes!

Of course it’s all about quality but the vast majority of even expensive childcare in the UK is poor quality. We don’t have a high wage, high skills early years workforce in the UK because the government isn’t willing to pay for it. We have mostly very young women who didn’t do that well in school being shepherded towards childcare courses. Don’t hear me wrong, it absolutely is a skilled job but we don’t train or pay people as if it is. So if you do find highly skilled staff with a very good understanding of child development and the broad academic knowledge to answer children’s questions well and the stable, warm personality to model empathy etc… then snap them up!

We all know they are the exception though, not the rule.

Both my children were in nursery full time from 12m and then straight to school when the time came.

You do what you have to do.

You are fine! Some babies are in nursery at 6 weeks (fine also!)

I would do it if I had to and wouldn't judge anyone for doing it. Nurseries are great for babies/toddlers etc in that they learn, and socialise with other children.

Would this be my first choice given the option to work part time or not at all? No because they are only little once and I want to be the one who gets to see all their firsts first!

I went back to work 4 days per week when mine were each 10 months. I’m a big fan of the nursery. Our nursery is lovely. The staff turnover is low, and the children (and us parents) have built fantastic relationships with “the ladies” over the years. My eldest sometimes comes with me to collect my youngest from nursery and she’s excited to go. They’re always so happy to see her, ask her how she’s getting on at school etc. It’s lovely.

Could we have cut back so that I could have stayed at home with them while my husband worked? Probably. But I wanted more than that. For me and for them. I worked hard for my career. I want them to have a nice house. Good holidays. I wanted to be able to afford for them to go to clubs. Swimming lessons. Birthday parties. I want to be able to put money away for them. I wanted them to see a woman working in a successful career, earning her own money and having a successful part of life that is just hers. More importantly, I wanted a safety net for them and for me, in case my marriage failed or whatever.

This was the right call for us and I have no regrets. I don’t feel like I have missed out. I have a day off in the week with my youngest now (plus weekends) and we have a lovely day together. She’s loved by so many people. She has genuine little friends at nursery who will go to school with her. She’s confident and happy and more independent than I ever was at that age (according to my mum).

On the shared leave point - absolutely no way was I surrendering any of my maternity leave to my husband

Mine both went to nursery full time from 5 months, and it was absolutely fine. The key is to find a good nursery with staff you trust. My DDs are now 7 and 9 and still good friends with other children they were at nursery with. My youngest DD’s best friend is a child who also went to nursery full time at the same age, they learnt to walk and talk together. I think sending them full time might be easier than part time in terms of feeling settled. Both my children loved their nursery and still talk about their time there.

@Missmissmiiiiiiiiisss I’m actually really quite insulted on behalf of the many nursery workers who work really hard for little money to look after and inspire our kids. You’re right they’re not paid nearly enough - but by the same token plenty of high earners are absolute gobshites cruising along on reputation and not skill.

I think its horrible to do that to such a young child. And then you read all the "Dont go to the shops for 10 minutes while your 9 year old is home alone" bs on here. Just really f...d up priorities. But I know Im in the minority, ppl just seem to have lost touch with nature and common sense these days.

Congratulations on your new job! Your baby will be fine. My kids nursery was fantastic with wonderful staff.

@Missmissmiiiiiiiiisss I don't think it is as much of an exception as you think.

My DD started at a CM at just under 10 months who is a woman in her 50s. She also now goes to a nursery part-time where most of the workers are women in their mid-40s plus.

There are a few other nurseries I've seen who who are majority staffed by more mature workers.

But I know Im in the minority, ppl just seem to have lost touch with nature and common sense these days.

Yeah it's really against nature and common sense to provide for your family.

But I know Im in the minority, ppl just seem to have lost touch with nature

That's because we don't all live in caves and hunt for our food anymore. Have to earn money to survive these days and put a roof over your head and save for baby's future.

I think its horrible to do that to such a young child. And then you read all the "Dont go to the shops for 10 minutes while your 9 year old is home alone" bs on here. Just really f...d up priorities.

There is a world of difference between leaving a child in a heavily regulated, supervised environment and leaving a child completely unsupervised at home.
That's a bit of a ridiculous analogy.

If you have to work, you have to work.

If you were doing it to sit at home and do nothing it would be a bit strange.

But most of us don't have the luxury of jacking in our jobs, so nursery it is.

@FrodoAteMyRing

I think its horrible to do that to such a young child. And then you read all the "Dont go to the shops for 10 minutes while your 9 year old is home alone" bs on here. Just really f...d up priorities. But I know Im in the minority, ppl just seem to have lost touch with nature and common sense these days.

Maybe she can't pay her gas bill with dreams and wishes and nature

“I think its horrible to do that to such a young child.”

Don’t be an idiot. She’s not “doing” anything to her child - other than ensuring she’s safe, well cared for and educated by qualified people in a social environment whilst she has to work to provide food, clothing and shelter.

I never went back into paid work after staying home with our children because I had that choice and preferred it. People like you gave people like me a bad name.

@Idony

If you have to work, you have to work.

If you were doing it to sit at home and do nothing it would be a bit strange.

But most of us don't have the luxury of jacking in our jobs, so nursery it is.

It's also okay for women to choose to work rather than need to work.

SpinsForGin this. Not everyone is suited to the life of a SAHM. I certainly wasn't - I was in a state of bliss for 4 months after having DD1 and then cabin fever kicked in. Ideally I wouldn't have gone back full time, but it was all or nothing back then - and nothing wasn't an option, even if we had been well off enough for me not to work.

JizzyJane

MrsSkylerWhite
JizzyJane

Whats the point of having kids if you put them in a nursery 5 days a week?“

You will be homeschooling until 18, presumably?

Yes I did, loved every minute”

Well that’s wonderful, for you. Not everyone is you, though. Do you understand that?

Course not

You have to work so need childcare

It’s a sad sign of the times that most women are forced to do this in 2021. No I wouldn’t judge you harshly at all, OP. I blame the society that forces mother’s to be separated from their babies who are instead put into institutions run by some of the lowest paid in our society. That’s the value put on women and the next generation. So much for progress.

@5catsonthedesk

It’s a sad sign of the times that most women are forced to do this in 2021. No I wouldn’t judge you harshly at all, OP. I blame the society that forces mother’s to be separated from their babies who are instead put into institutions run by some of the lowest paid in our society. That’s the value put on women and the next generation. So much for progress.

And another one not mentioning the role of men in raising children.

'Forced'? 'Institutions'? Yeah, I see where you're coming from.

Nursery isn't HMP Belmarsh, you know.

Why are nursery workers paid basically paid minimum wage though? Why? I think society has it all backwards. A dog walker is probably earning more per hour than a nursery worker. Where I live, cleaners are in at least £15 per hour? Gardeners seem to charge what they like. Who has more responsibility - a gardener or the person looking after the most precious people in our lives? It’s ridiculous.

If childcare facilities were more accommodating to shift workers perhaps more women would choose not to stay at home for as long and carry on with their careers. We don't all work 9 til 5 Monday to Friday 🤷