Page 6 | To have a 10 month old baby in a nursery 5 days a week?

Toomuchworkon · 2021-10-06T05:58:53+00:00

Just been reading another thread where it’s generally agreed this is a lot / potentially too much and I’m all worried now. Honestly, would you be judging me harshly?

Glasstabletop · 06/10/2021 12:36

@Bobsyer

I did. I had to. Mine went from 8 months. I had no guilt whatsoever and my children don’t remember it at all. They are just as sociable and well-adjusted and close to me as the child who didn’t go to nursery at all.

I refuse to be made to feel like a bad parent because I wasn’t there 24/7 for a period of their lives they won’t even remember. I remember feeling like supermum being able to manage a job and babies at the same time!

No ‘firsts’ ever occurred not in mine and DH’s presence.

What even are the "firsts" that everybody is so worried about? In my experience "firsts" are very vague.

The only two I can think of are speaking and walking. I will be completely honest I can't even remember either of those for either of my kids. I can remember the stage where they were learning these things and how sweet and funny it all was but there wasn't a moment that they learned to do these things.

I think TV and social media poison peoples brains.

SkinnyMirror · 06/10/2021 12:37

I think if you have no other choice financially then absolutely fine.

Why is it only fine if it's a financial necessity?

thetesdybears · 06/10/2021 12:38

Baby will get used to it and be fine. A friend had hers in 5 days a week at that age. It's a bit of a shame as you don't get to see them much. However it's very gd for development and they won't remember it! At the end of the day plenty of people day as they don't have a choice and need to earn.

I had mine in for 1 day a week. That was a lot harder. She really didn't like it much for the first 2yrs to be honest. Between holidays and sickness sometimes it was 2-3weeks before she wld be bk in. She'd always cry at drop off. Finally started enjoying it around 2 and used to ask to go more lol.

My other child now goes 2 days a week and since she was 10 months old. Being in that extra day made her settle quicker and she enjoys it now.

Glasstabletop · 06/10/2021 12:39

@Vyff

Depends on the child. My ds was in nursery from 9 months. But I really saw a difference in him when he had periods of time out of nursery. His speech improved and other things. He is a child who needs a lot from me.

I think this is a really good point. It very much depends on the child. There are other factors too, are they only children? Are there other children they see regularly? My youngest was so much more confident than my oldest when he was small, I put it down to childcare at the time but on reflection I don't know it would have suited my older child.

Billandben444 · 06/10/2021 12:41

My DGS went to a nursery 5 days a week at 6 months as that's when my daughter had to go back to work. She dropped a day at 2yrs old when I retired. He's been fine and you've got to do what you've got to do!

Ashleys63 · 06/10/2021 12:42

I suppose the people who are saying 'why have children at all if you're going to let someone else bring them up' are saying that regarding very young babies. Children develop the most between the ages of birth to 3 , that is a fact, it's the most crucial time in a child's life.

Anordinarymum · 06/10/2021 12:44

If OP has to work and has no choice in the matter, then this is what nurseries are for. If OP is choosing to work and put her child in a nursery then I would be wondering why she even had the baby?

FooFighter99 · 06/10/2021 12:45

I would have, if my mum hadn't retired to look after DD

both DH and I need to work full time to put a roof over our heads and to make ends meet.

therefore DD would have needed to be in nursery 5 days a week

gone are the days of mums finishing work when the babies come (my DM stopped working to have my brothers and me, and went back part time when I started school). nowadays, both parents need to work full time

don't let anyone make you feel guilty @Toomuchworkon! you're doing a great job and your little one will learn so much at nursery and be well socialised!

SkinnyMirror · 06/10/2021 12:46

@Anordinarymum

If OP has to work and has no choice in the matter, then this is what nurseries are for. If OP is choosing to work and put her child in a nursery then I would be wondering why she even had the baby?

Do you say this about men who have had children?

PrincessNutella · 06/10/2021 12:46

Providing for your family is part of being a parent.

lifecoachingandotherbollocks · 06/10/2021 12:47

How long would baby be there for? If you need to work, you need to work🤷‍♀️

FloconDeNeige · 06/10/2021 12:49

Don’t feet bad OP. Mine both went full-time from 4 months, because here in Switzerland, mat leave is 4 months. I don’t ‘need’ to work in the sense that DH is a high earner (and so am I). But we both love our work, so that’s that.

It’s worked brilliantly for us and we have a great work-life balance. We’re personally fulfilled in our careers and are better parents for it. All the time we have with the DC is precious and we spend it doing things we all love. I have zero guilt and nor does DH. Providing for your children is the most important job we have as parents. Be proud of what you’re doing!

JizzyJane · 06/10/2021 12:49

@SkinnyMirror

Why is that rude? I'm just giving my point of view, grow up a bit

Have a baby and seeing it grow everyday it a wonder, I just dont see the point in having one them missing all the good bits

pointythings · 06/10/2021 12:50

@Redyellowblue34

At the other end of the age thing - find many mums feel strongly the need to be around for the GCSE years. Have worked full time with babies but GCSE years felt their needed the support then.

I actually agree that they need more support as teenagers than as babies in terms of you being emotionally present. That doesn't mean you need to be at home 24/7, but it does mean you can't switch off when you come home from work. But the end result is worth it. I've supported three through A levels and two through GCSEs (my middle one is fostered and came to us after his GCSEs). They need more complex input than just food, cuddles and keeping their bums clean, but I won't lie, it's easier to do that and work full time too than it is to do babies and full time work.

OrganicBagel · 06/10/2021 12:51

I had a choice and chose not to for dd. I chose to be a stay at home mum for several years. I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible every day. Things changed when I became single mum but by then she was in full time school. I found a part-time job. After a year I found an even better part time job. I didn’t even consider working full time. I think childcare costs more than I’d earn in the overlapping hours. I don’t judge anyone for their own choices but if you aren’t happy working full time with baby in childcare full time then find a part time job. I don’t think you need to wait a year in a role before discussing it. I discussed it at interview for both jobs (both advertised as full time) and both were very happy to take me on doing 25 hrs per week. Minimum they would allow was 20. It probably depends on the sector though.

RobinPenguins · 06/10/2021 12:53

OP there will be some dicks on this thread. I haven’t even read the posts but can imagine it’s the usual mix of normal, rational women who have either used nurseries or not used nurseries saying “it’s totally fine, do what you want/need to do” and bizarre, bitter women who devoted every single second of their existence to staring at their baby in case they “missed” something and desperately need it to have been worth it.

pointythings · 06/10/2021 12:53

Have a baby and seeing it grow everyday it a wonder, I just dont see the point in having one them missing all the good bits

You don't miss all the good bits. What nonsense. You're still with them 128 hours a week.

I much preferred the teenage years to the baby years anyway.

OrganicBagel · 06/10/2021 12:55

You don't miss all the good bits. What nonsense. You're still with them 128 hours a week.

You mean while they are asleep?!

WeepySheepy · 06/10/2021 12:56

Have a baby and seeing it grow everyday it a wonder, I just dont see the point in having one them missing all the good bits they aren't an entertainment system or a film. This is a real human and it's about what is best for them. In my case, being looked after by trained professionals in a nursery setting. There's no way I could do half of what they do with my child.

PrincessNutella · 06/10/2021 12:57

There are many ways to raise kids.
I worked when my children were babies. I had to, but the fact that I stayed active in the labor force also helped me not to lose career opportunities I would have lost otherwise. Later on, when my kids were older, I had the stability, experience, and contacts to go free-lance. Then I could be home for my kids' middle and high school years. Being available to them then seemed even more valuable to me, because they remember it.

Suspicioussam · 06/10/2021 12:57

I wouldn't judge someone, I don't tend to 'judge' if someone is making the decision they think is right for their family for whatever reason.
Do I think it's too much? Yes personally I do. I chose a childminder when I needed a lot of care (30 hours a week) but even that I felt was too much, kids come back fractious, tired, get less one on one care and attention at a key age and separation anxiety is strong. I don't think long term studies can account for the child's lived experience which matters, not just the outcome.
Having said all that, if my only option was to work full time and use full time nursery then I'd just get on with it and make sure it was a good nursery or use a childminder with fantastic references.

MrsSkylerWhite · 06/10/2021 12:59

JizzyJane

Whats the point of having kids if you put them in a nursery 5 days a week?“

You will be homeschooling until 18, presumably?

bluerecruit · 06/10/2021 12:59

@RobinPenguins

OP there will be some dicks on this thread. I haven’t even read the posts but can imagine it’s the usual mix of normal, rational women who have either used nurseries or not used nurseries saying “it’s totally fine, do what you want/need to do” and bizarre, bitter women who devoted every single second of their existence to staring at their baby in case they “missed” something and desperately need it to have been worth it.

Speaking of being bizarre and bitter..

FourTeaFallOut · 06/10/2021 13:00

What nonsense. You're still with them 128 hours a week

I do agree it's nonsense to suggest that you have missed the experience of watching your child grow. But let's be accurate, your child may be home for 128 hours a week but they will be asleep for over 80 of them.

40 hours in nursery is almost 50% of a baby's time out of their daytime hours. It's not a trivial amount.

JizzyJane · 06/10/2021 13:01

@MrsSkylerWhite

JizzyJane

Whats the point of having kids if you put them in a nursery 5 days a week?“

You will be homeschooling until 18, presumably?

Yes I did, loved every minute