Big row about expensive belt

[PegorySpeck]

DS 17 loves expensive clothes and designer labels. He currently wants a Louis Vuitton belt which costs £400. His Dad and I think it’s ridiculous to spend this amount of money on a belt. He asked us if he could have it for Christmas we said no. He knows our budget for him and his brother is £500 each so he has asked why as it’s within budget. We have responded because it’s a ridiculous waste of money.

He has a part time job and earns about £150 per week. He has just taken on an extra shift because he wants extra money for the belt. His Dad is going mad at him saying how stupid it is, but I guess it’s his money and therefore his choice.

He has now said we are completely unreasonable and have no right to tell him what he can do with his money. It’s all blown up into a massive argument and no-one is talking. He is now saying we are favouring his brother as we have already got his Christmas present which cost £500 which he saw arrive in the post a few days ago.

I don’t know how I can fix this? What should I do?

My son was the same, he has Gucci, LV and others. His GF just spent £375 on a plain black Gucci belt for his birthday present.
He said he wished she hadn't as he has belts in the colours he wanted. The Gucci store told GF what he already had, they keep note of their customers purchases. At least he hasn't got two the same. Once they are on, there is nothing that really justifies the price. At least they have a resale value if they are looked after.

So the brother gets a £500 console that has a life span and will be upgraded in a few years.

Other son wants a belt that will last forever and be a feature piece.

YABU.

Will it still be 'in fashion' by Xmas ?

Blimey. Lots to consider.

Can't believe the number of posters wanging on about it being an 'investment piece', or like it's some sort of high quality, Jermyn Street item he'll still be wearing in forty years. It's Louis Vuitton, ffs. It's hideous, tacky and overblown. If he doesn't regret it down the line, he bloody well should.

That said - he's working, and making his own money, so he can buy it if he wants.

£500 is not an insane amount to spend on a teen child at Christmas (and I'm not a wealthy woman at all). Almost any electrical item you can think of - computer; tablet; phone; console - costs at least that much. Certain popular trainers around half that. Some hoodies over a hundred quid. It's not 'ridiculous' or 'horrid' (one of my least favourite MN expressions, along with 'horribly cringey' and 'breathtakingly rude').

Stop buying your 17 year old hard liquor, and describing yourselves as having 'plenty of money'. That's also tacky. At least as tacky as the fugly belt.

Loving a PP who has commented that another sounds 'sad and unhappy'. Brilliant.

He will learn in time that's it's not all about fashion.

But get it him if the wants it for Christmas, but don't buy more to make up for it being a small present it's his choice.

I don't think £500 is overly excessive for Christmas... my parents saved all year and spend hundreds and hundreds on us at Christmas, we didn't get anything else all year other than on birthdays. We got clothes, toys etc. which lasted the whole year and it was the most exciting time.

People do different things, shock horror!

I wouldn't buy the belt for Christmas, but I would butt out of how he spends his wages.

@Tee20x

Meh... the budget is £500 the belt is £400. Of course there are better ways the money could be spent but the whole point of a gift is for it to be something the person wants, not something you think they should want.

You say he likes designer items on the whole, so if it is in keeping with his style and he wants it then I would get it for him for Christmas.

As for arguing about him buying it out of his wages...his money his choice, and at that age there should be room for him to spend his money on things that are frivolous.

When he is older and has more responsibilities he may not be able to do so.

I completely agree with this

A £180 pound tracksuit?? Bloody hell.

@Leftphalange

Why not get him the belt? It's a designer purchase that will likely last for years to come. It's within his budget.

This…

Aren’t we are always saying on here how it’s better to invest in a few quality items…

Can't believe the number of posters wanging on about it being an 'investment piece', or like it's some sort of high quality, Jermyn Street item he'll still be wearing in forty years. It's Louis Vuitton, ffs. It's hideous, tacky and overblown. If he doesn't regret it down the line, he bloody well should.

I HAVE TO DISAGREE with the above post ,although I didn't agree with my son when he purchased his belts, they are the complete opposite of tacky, (as I said in my previous post, once on nothing stands out or justifies the price) the styles he buys are classic and could easily be worn in 40 years time. There is a huge resale market that often gives the seller more than the original cost in the first place. There are some extremely over the top, tacky styles, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

It's the old adage: buy cheap, buy twice

When it comes to a belt that is a lot of shit. The £400 belt is £20 for the belt and £380 for the branded buckle.

Yes when it comes to items where design and build quality vastly differs over the price range I agree. But a £20 belt will do the same job and last as long as a £400 belt.

Hmm. PS5 that keeps a person in the house and quite antisocial versus the belt your other son will be keen to show off a bit/wear with pride out socialising with his mates? I’m suddenly with the belt!! Definitely not worth falling out over. I suspect the whole bad feeling could make your son now not enjoy this if he receives it. If he wants to buy it - let him, or you offer to pay in 50% for Xmas I would. And also as parents I would not take this away from him anymore by criticising his choice when he starts wearing it. He needs to learn himself that it’s probably a waste of money. But he might also just really like it so let him and be kind.

If he can afford a £400 belt he can afford rent. Just advise him to keep the receipt etc as then he can easily sell it when he needs the cash.

When it comes to a belt that is a lot of shit. The £400 belt is £20 for the belt and £380 for the branded buckle

Well, quite. I’m nearly 50 and I’d estimate by belt expenditure is around £60 so far. No way is £400 a “normal” lifetime belt expenditure let alone a saving. I also doubt that a teen will still love a LV belt in 40 years. It’s very of the moment, or at least it was when LV was “in”. That said it’s bonkers to lose your shit over a belt and be chill about the tracksuit, the trainers, the vodka and the PS5 which are all very expensive and none of which will physically last all that long. They are all fine (apart from vodka, obviously) but very much cheeks of the same massive arse.

I agree it’s a total waste of money, but if he wants it as is willing to earn the money to pay for it then that’s his decision.

Why not get him the belt? It's a designer purchase that will likely last for years to come. It's within his budget

Because it's an absolutely shit purchase and no better than anything he could get on the high street.

Seriously - you really need to drum this into him.

The thing is the 500 quid is not his money, its your money and its up to you how you spend it. You can choose to spend it on a 400 quid belt and give it to him or not.

Quite honestly I would not buy this for my DS because I think I have a responsibility towards them for them to realise the value of things. If he is earning 150 quid in his job then the best lesson I can give him is that this belt is now worth 3x his weekend job - ie he has had to work 3 weekends and all he has to show for it is a belt.

I would ring-fence this money for driving lessons, and point out to him that by learning to drive he will have far more earning potential in the future to be able to earn to buy luxury items later.

It's his money! You are being SO unreasonable! What lesson are you trying to teach him? It's not "work hard and save up your money to buy the things you want" because that's what he's doing and you're having a go at him for it. Or is it "only mine and your dad's opinions matter"?

People like different things, and that's okay.

I can't believe that the belt is within your budget for Xmas presents and you won't buy it for him??? You do know presents are meant to be something a bit special, that someone wouldn't buy themselves?

Do you always buy other people what YOU think they should want for Christmas? Or only your son?

Tell him that while you think it is a waste of money it is his money and he can do what he wants with it, it’s his choice. And explain that you also choose what to spend your money on and while your budget for his Xmas present is £500, you do not see it as a good use of your money so no you won’t be purchasing it for his Xmas present.

Absolutely everything @Tee20x said. If this is the worst problem you have with a 17 year old, thank your lucky stars!

glad you've solved it, OP.
In this case, from the off I'd have said: sorry, too late I've already bought some things so it's not in the budget.

Honestly? I think it would be a good idea to start charging him a nominal rent, because it gets him used to paying for it. Lots of people put that "rent" in a savings pot to give their child when they leave home. It sounds as though you could afford to do that?

I'm not entirely with your DH about the ridiculousness of buying a LV belt - presents are presents, and if it's not over the budget, why worry. But that's his personal preference.

But - you can't dictate what your DS spends his money on. For ours we explained about regular savings, pension funds, rent, food, insurances etc etc and helped them (with advice) when they asked or if we could see they were about to make a huge mistake. Young adults need help and guidance, but you can't tell them what to spend their own money on. You can only give them your opinion and let them decide for themselves.

How will he manage his money when he comes into a 'Trust Fund' ... is it substantial amount that he will never need to save for his first car, house deposit etc?

Saving and budgeting is a life skill, are you confident the DS really understands that? It's good that he works extra hours to earn more money but spending loads on takeaways and beer means he could probably have already bought the belt ....

@nevergoesaway

As someone who is worrying I won’t even be able to put the heating on over Christmas, never mind spending £500 per child, this thread is hard to read. How the other half live.

Yes I KNOW I’m at fault for reading it, and I know I’m being very unreasonable in what I’ve said

Yes, I was just thinking this thread will be difficult to read for many people.

However, I'll add my opinion to the masses. Regardless of the specific amount, a gift is usually meant to be something that the recipient would struggle to/ feel they couldn't buy for themselves, a luxury or whatever. So if it's in your usual budget, why not? However, you've mentioned you've already spent a lot of it. So how about, as others, have suggested, a contribution to it? This would have the added bonus of helping to teach him the value of money, as he'd also save for it himself.

Why don't you compromise, you'll be prepared to go half if he saves the other half? I used to do this with my children, it teaches them the value of money much more than dictating what they shouldn't do with it.

its his christmas present that he wants and within budget - whats the problem? just means he has less. i use to want designer things when i was younger, and 10 years down the line i still have most of them.