If you are a mum looking after your kids day to day, did give realise you were a ‘SAHM’ before coming on MN?

[sangak]

It always strikes me, that MN always has much to say about so-called ‘SAHMs.’ But if you said ‘SAHM’ (pronouncing it as ‘Sarm’) in real-life, nobody would know what this is. I know many women who don’t work due to children / family, but not one of them would know they were ‘Sarms’ or even recognise what ‘SAHM’ stands for - or that it is even considered ‘a thing.’ Just seems weird that the whole debate on here is so removed from real life.

I know a lot of people who call themselves stay at home mum or dad. When I was a child, a lot of mums would refer to themselves as homemakers or housewives and it's gradually shifted over the years. I prefer the new term for it.

But what about all the posters on this thread who say that is how they describe themselves? Or do you speak for all women who look after their kids day-to-day but regularly leave the house even though they are not currently in paid employment?

@sangak

It’s not lack of awareness. I’m saying it how it is. On MN, there are many notions about SAHMs and this and that (yes, I did read it as Sarms, but that’s not the point). In real life, the women referred to on MN as SAHMs, don’t really give themselves this label or even think of it like that. That’s all I’m saying.

Are you new to the internet?

Nor do I refer to myself as a full-time mum or homemaker or whatever. If there was a box on a form with some such description, I’d tick whatever it was. But in real life, it’s a non-issue.

@sangak

It’s not lack of awareness. I’m saying it how it is. On MN, there are many notions about SAHMs and this and that (yes, I did read it as Sarms, but that’s not the point). In real life, the women referred to on MN as SAHMs, don’t really give themselves this label or even think of it like that. That’s all I’m saying.

The only ‘notion’ about SAHM’s on MN is that they are parents who stay at home with their children in the day time rather than working. People have opinions on that, but they would do regardless of what it was called. If you said ‘I’m a mum who doesn’t work’, opinions would be the same as if you said ‘I’m a stay at home mum’. They’re the same thing.

I referred to myself as a stay at home mum long before I joined MN. Most of my friends are, and refer to themselves as that, too. It’s definitely not just an MN thing and it surprises me that it’s not come up in conversation for you.

@sangak

I always read SAHM as ‘Sarm.’ I nearly told someone I was a Sarm the other day and then realised they would think I was mad.

Well that's just you. Yes you would look mad because nobody says "sahm" in real life. Its like a short form, if something surprising happened you might say OMG in text but you would say "oh my God" in real life. Similarly nobody says HTH (hope that helps) as "huth" IRL (in real life...)

@Yarqueen

SAHM to me has connotations of someone sitting around in a dressing gown and marigolds all day, waiting for the postman to arrive so she's got someone to talk to.

This is most definitely your issue. I feel sorry for you if you really can't imagine that being a stay at home mom can't be a worthwhile and fulfilling role. Perhaps you should try having a little empathy towards people who make different life choices to you, rather than assuming that your way is the best way.

[quote Anonymous48]@Yarqueen

SAHM to me has connotations of someone sitting around in a dressing gown and marigolds all day, waiting for the postman to arrive so she's got someone to talk to.

This is most definitely your issue. I feel sorry for you if you really can't imagine that being a stay at home mom can't be a worthwhile and fulfilling role. Perhaps you should try having a little empathy towards people who make different life choices to you, rather than assuming that your way is the best way.[/quote]
I know! There's so much stuff I'd love to do if I didn't have to work for money (and money wasn't an issue in general.)

So many books to read, so many places to visit, so many films to watch, so many new hobbies to take up. I'd do multiple courses and classes to learn how to paint, draw, weld, make furniture. I'd do another couple of university degrees.

I'd need a cleaner and a cook and a nanny.

Xxx Full Time Mummie to lily-mae and Kai xxxx

@sangak

It’s not lack of awareness. I’m saying it how it is. On MN, there are many notions about SAHMs and this and that (yes, I did read it as Sarms, but that’s not the point). In real life, the women referred to on MN as SAHMs, don’t really give themselves this label or even think of it like that. That’s all I’m saying.

Except for all the women in this thread who are saying they absolutely do (or have in the past) referred to themselves as stay at home mums. I know I did when I was a SAHM. It's a little weird you're still insisting it absolutely isn't a thing when multiple people have told you it is.

Pippa Middleton is a SAHM

The tabloids refer to her as a 'socialite'

Are you are socialite OP?

I find it really difficult to believe that you are never in a situation where someone asks you what you do for a living/for work. Do you never meet new people?

Of course, Stay At Home Mom is a thing! I was one (and described myself that way whenever I was asked) for 18 years. I was also a working mom before that. My kids are young adults away from home now so I would no longer describe myself as a stay at home mom.

I guess stay at home mom has replaced the terms housewife and homemaker - thank goodness! I hate the term "full time mom". All moms are full time moms, whether we go out to work or not.

I would never have said I'm a mom when asked what I do for a living or for work. Being a mom was not my job, any more than being a wife is. My job was being a stay at home mom. Similarly I wouldn't say that I don't work. It may not be paid work, but it's work.

It's a very common phrase where I live, but no one tries to say it as a word, SAHM, it's just an acronym used on MN and other forums for ease.

I still don't understand where the "r" came from in "sarm," though. That's an "h" not an "r."

Similarly I wouldn't say that I don't work. It may not be paid work, but it's work.

This, plus replying by saying you don't work comes with a whole host of baggage, I think unless you are obviously very well off people will make some not very nice judgements. So risky reply to give.

@steff13

It's a very common phrase where I live, but no one tries to say it as a word, SAHM, it's just an acronym used on MN and other forums for ease.

I still don't understand where the "r" came from in "sarm," though. That's an "h" not an "r."

I think it's adding the h to the a and making an ah sound

So it's S-AH-M

Of course no one else is doing that apart from the OP and a snarky TV script writer.

No I’m not a socialite!

Again, I’m not querying it as a term or arguing people wouldn’t know what it meant. Of course they would! I’m saying, I have never heard anyone describe themselves as such. If I think of the women I have known who fall into this category, they must amount to many hundreds over the years. Never heard ‘stay at home mum’ uttered from or about any of them and nobody has ever said this to me - even my husband, children or wider family. This is why it strikes me as odd that it’s so ubiquitous in MN.

@sangak

Nor do I refer to myself as a full-time mum or homemaker or whatever. If there was a box on a form with some such description, I’d tick whatever it was. But in real life, it’s a non-issue.

Seriously - you're at a dinner party and someone asks "what do you do?"

What's your reply?

@sangak

No I’m not a socialite!

Again, I’m not querying it as a term or arguing people wouldn’t know what it meant. Of course they would! I’m saying, I have never heard anyone describe themselves as such. If I think of the women I have known who fall into this category, they must amount to many hundreds over the years. Never heard ‘stay at home mum’ uttered from or about any of them and nobody has ever said this to me - even my husband, children or wider family. This is why it strikes me as odd that it’s so ubiquitous in MN.

Again - you do understand that a lot of the people who use it on MN do not say it out loud in real life?

Just like I don't say MIL, PIL, DH etc in real life

I use internet shorthand on an internet forum.

Not strange or unusual when you are talking on the internet with strangers.

@sangak

No I’m not a socialite!

Again, I’m not querying it as a term or arguing people wouldn’t know what it meant. Of course they would! I’m saying, I have never heard anyone describe themselves as such. If I think of the women I have known who fall into this category, they must amount to many hundreds over the years. Never heard ‘stay at home mum’ uttered from or about any of them and nobody has ever said this to me - even my husband, children or wider family. This is why it strikes me as odd that it’s so ubiquitous in MN.

I've had it said to me in at least three different English-speaking countries, including several different parts of England. I've known several SAHDs who would have also used that expression about themselves.

Where do you live, OP, that you have never come across this term?

Never heard ‘stay at home mum’ uttered from or about any of them and nobody has ever said this to me - even my husband, children or wider family

Well if you don't use the phrase then it's unlikely your family would also use it but I would imagine people would use it when talking about you, especially if someone asked what job you did.

Random question though if you answer the question what do you do with the answer you are a mum does your husband also answer the same question with the answer he's a dad, if not why not?

Nor do I refer to myself as a full-time mum or homemaker or whatever. If there was a box on a form with some such description, I’d tick whatever it was. But in real life, it’s a non-issue.

It's not an 'issue', it's merely a fact about your life circumstances. And one about which you seem oddly squeamish. If I asked you, in person, in the context of a conversation about what people do for a living, "So what do you do, sangak", would you mysteriously reply "Oh there's not really a word to describe what I do"? And if I then said "But do you go out to work?" You'd just say "No" and deliberately avoid mentioning that you do not work because you are looking after your children (if indeed that is the reason)?

I'm kind of wondering if the real reason is that you want people to see you as someone who doesn't work because you don't need to financially, rather than that you have chosen to be a SAHM. It's all very odd.

cabingirl - If someone asks me, ‘What do you do?’ at a dinner party, I might tell them about a few things I do. Depends who they are.

No .... I hear it in real life a lot too. If asked what someone does for a living they reply with their job title or if they are SAHM they will say "in a stay at home mum" or more often round here they say "full time mummy" (which is a bit annoying as we're all mummies full time regardless of whether we work!).

I've genuinely never heard anyone, ever say the acronym though. Surely that's not a thing? I assume we all just use it on forums to save all the extra typing, no?

@sangak

No I’m not a socialite!

Again, I’m not querying it as a term or arguing people wouldn’t know what it meant. Of course they would! I’m saying, I have never heard anyone describe themselves as such. If I think of the women I have known who fall into this category, they must amount to many hundreds over the years. Never heard ‘stay at home mum’ uttered from or about any of them and nobody has ever said this to me - even my husband, children or wider family. This is why it strikes me as odd that it’s so ubiquitous in MN.

It’s a term that is used for ease. Easier than saying ‘I’m a mum who doesn’t work but looks after my children full time instead’.