If you are a mum looking after your kids day to day, did give realise you were a ‘SAHM’ before coming on MN?

[sangak]

It always strikes me, that MN always has much to say about so-called ‘SAHMs.’ But if you said ‘SAHM’ (pronouncing it as ‘Sarm’) in real-life, nobody would know what this is. I know many women who don’t work due to children / family, but not one of them would know they were ‘Sarms’ or even recognise what ‘SAHM’ stands for - or that it is even considered ‘a thing.’ Just seems weird that the whole debate on here is so removed from real life.

Of course I know that it means. That’s not the issue. But genuinely, in real life, out of hundreds of women I must have met over the years who are not working due to children, I don’t think I have ever heard one refer to herself as a ‘stay at home mum.’ So this seems odd to me.

My kids are adults now, but I used to describe myself as a stay at home mum.

Acronyms like DC and SAHM are standard on many Internet forums - even non parenting ones like Reddit

AIBU might be unique to MN. On Reddit it's AITA (Am I The Asshole)

Even before I’d heard of mumsnet.

@sangak

Of course I know that it means. That’s not the issue. But genuinely, in real life, out of hundreds of women I must have met over the years who are not working due to children, I don’t think I have ever heard one refer to herself as a ‘stay at home mum.’ So this seems odd to me.

Do they use housewife ? That's a very old fashioned term

What did you do that you met hundreds of women who didn’t work and stayed home with young kids and you had to ask them to describe their selves?

Even insurance forms that require occupation have Stay At Home Parent

@sangak

Of course I know that it means. That’s not the issue. But genuinely, in real life, out of hundreds of women I must have met over the years who are not working due to children, I don’t think I have ever heard one refer to herself as a ‘stay at home mum.’ So this seems odd to me.

The odd thing is that not one of those women has used a perfectly normal descriptive title for the role they were undertaking. Stay at home mum as a role is about as normal to me as someone else saying they are a receptionist or a doctor. I'm utterly baffled you think it's some random mumsnet title and have never heard anyone use it?

@sangak

Maybe Stay-at-home-parent might be a category on certain forms or for the census or something.

But never in my life have I heard anyone actually say, “I’m a stay-at-home-mum.” Nobody ever says this. I never thought of myself as that until I realised it was a thing on MN.

I think it’s a fairly standard, commonly used phrased.

They just say they’re a mum. That’s what I always said. Or “I’ve got 1/2/3/5/5 kids.”

Never heard the “stay at home” bit in real life conversation.

If anyone asked if I was working (though nobody ever did, I don’t think) then I’d just say, “no.”

I always use the term stay at home mum and have done for the last (nearly) 12 years. It’s a pretty standard term used widely. When we got married the official term they used for it was homemaker which sounds so twee and dated!

In the scenario where you said you were ‘a mum’ to me, I would have asked what you do for work. As I am also a mum but I work full time, or what am I in your world?

I’ve known people describe themselves a full time mum which I always thought pretty crass, but most women in my experience say they are a SAHM or at home with the kids/children, not just ‘a mum’.

It is an unusual thread op. Your experiences are unique. This is a term in common parliance, we are all mums, whether we work or not. To habe interviewed hundreds of women and never heard it and to respond with I’m a mum when asked what you do for a living, and to read it as sarm, is all unusual.

I’m guessing you’re not in the Uk or English isn’t your first language!

Stay at home mum is very common parlance and has been for a while I'd say

'and what do you do Emma?'

'I'm a stay at home mum Brad'

I do like it when occasionally someone type SHAM by accident as well

I'm a stay at home mum, that's exactly how I describe myself in real life. And I know lots of women that do.

Sarm

@sangak

Well I would just say I was a mum

Yes, but so am I - I just happen to have a full time job as well. Being a mum is a relationship rather than an occupation?

Of course you don't have to define yourself by your SAHP status, but if someone is asking about your occupation, what would you say?

Do you move in circles where very few mums work outside the home, or something?

i'm with everyone else, i find it bizarre that you have genuinely never heard it used.. i've heard it on TV and read it in newspapers/magazines.

I honestly wonder if you're pulling our legs.

What? Of course people use the phrase ‘stay at home mum’ in real life. Where do you live?

1) Abbreviations on forums and websites are pretty normal. There's a list on here where you can see what they stand for.

2. Stay-at-home-mum is a perfectly normal, common phrase to describe a mother who looks after her children full-time and doesn't go to work.

3. When I read 'SAHM' I don't hear 'Sarm' in my head. I just think 'stay-at-home-mum'.

4. Of course being a SAHM doesn't mean you spend all of your time in your house!

@sangak

Well I would just say I was a mum

Oh well, since I am working I am therefore not a mum?

It sounds like you think the default option for mums is to stay at home with their children, maybe?

I had three kids go through schools where probably most women were not working. I was there on the gates and whatever for years and years. Never once, did anyone describe themselves as “stay at home.” Genuinely, it never happened.

Nobody ever asked me “are you a stay at home mum” - in those words. It’s possible that someone may have asked me if I’m working (I think someone once did the night before Brexit at a party). I just said, “no.” It wouldn’t occur to me to say, “No I am a SAHM.”

@sangak

I had three kids go through schools where probably most women were not working. I was there on the gates and whatever for years and years. Never once, did anyone describe themselves as “stay at home.” Genuinely, it never happened.

Nobody ever asked me “are you a stay at home mum” - in those words. It’s possible that someone may have asked me if I’m working (I think someone once did the night before Brexit at a party). I just said, “no.” It wouldn’t occur to me to say, “No I am a SAHM.”

Do you live in a particularly deprived area or something, OP, where many women cannot afford to work because of childcare? Your experience seems very unusual.

I had three kids go through schools where probably most women were not working. I was there on the gates and whatever for years and years. Never once, did anyone describe themselves as “stay at home.” Genuinely, it never happened.

So what did they describe themselves as? Presumably we're talking hundreds of women here surley not all of them associated work and being a mum as some sort of intertwined concept.

Some of them must have understood that women can have jobs and be parents and when asked what they did for a living they didn't reply with the phrase I'm a mum?