If you are a mum looking after your kids day to day, did give realise you were a ‘SAHM’ before coming on MN?

[sangak]

It always strikes me, that MN always has much to say about so-called ‘SAHMs.’ But if you said ‘SAHM’ (pronouncing it as ‘Sarm’) in real-life, nobody would know what this is. I know many women who don’t work due to children / family, but not one of them would know they were ‘Sarms’ or even recognise what ‘SAHM’ stands for - or that it is even considered ‘a thing.’ Just seems weird that the whole debate on here is so removed from real life.

Now @lazylinguist ‘a propos of nothing’ is something I love seeing written down but don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say in real life

sangak you're being disingenuous. You know that people ask new acquaintances what they "do" and that the reply is a job title or description where the person works for a salary/ wage, or a cover all commonly understood short hand where they don't - retired/ early retired/ unemployed at the moment/, student, stay at home parent/ stay at home mum/ stay at home dad/ on a career break/ maternity leave/ do a lot of volunteering/ housewife/ home maker/ lady of leisure/ on a gap year/ taking some time out/ resting actor... whatever they choose as a hook to hang a description of something that takes up a lot of their time and isn't necessarily exactly the same as everyone else!

@Riada I guess I mean having the choice is a luxury, I’m not sure I’d choose it for myself

You really can’t imagine anything to talk about outside your job?

If you describe being a mum as your job, does that mean you never mention your children or parenting when you're out with your friends?

It's just a term these days, since women generally go to work when having children, and the one's who don't, have to have a label. this term was not used in the oldie days, ( my oldie days), as mostly Mums stayed at home to look after their children then.

Its just terminology. Stay at home parent is common terminology in my circles and that's how my friends who are stay at home parents describe themselves. If someone asks what you do and you say "I'm a mum" I guess that implies stay at home mum, so nobody would ask to clarify. It's not pronounced sarm though it's just an acronym, like 'tbh' for to be honest.

alittlequinnie is that what this thread is? An in joke about a TV series?

I was a stay at home mum for four years in the early 80's. I remember thinking that of my NCT group, most were returning to work in some capacity. I managed to fit in twenty eight years of full time work when I returned to work (previously worked part time for a few years).
Do you pay National Insurance OP? Is your husband a very high earner?
The GP told my mother when she was seventy that the way to stay healthy was to keep on working. She worked most of her life in some form. She did 'o' levels in her fifties at evening classes and then went into the Civil Service full time. She had six kids. She worked until well past seventy and died at ninety three.
I agree with a former poster that the OP must have a very rich husband/trust fund and does not have to worry about pension contributions/National insurance etc

"Full time mummy" on Facebook, cracks me up every time I see it

In converstaion, I'd say stay-at-home-mum, which is well under stood.

Here on MN we are typing/reading abbreviations.

IRL I don't pronounce words as " MIL, DH, Dc. LTB" either. HTH.

[quote Nanananani]@Riada I guess I mean having the choice is a luxury, I’m not sure I’d choose it for myself[/quote]
I think it's a luxury if it means money isn't an issue. Especially if the SAHP gets to pursue their passion projects easily as well - I know a lot of artists, writers, gardeners, artisan farmers and musicians who are able to spend their days fitting their projects around taking care of the kids because there is another parent bringing in the main income or they have inherited wealth.

@2bazookas

In converstaion, I'd say stay-at-home-mum, which is well under stood.

Here on MN we are typing/reading abbreviations.

IRL I don't pronounce words as " MIL, DH, Dc. LTB" either. HTH.

LOL

I have never heard anyone in real life say Sarm, but I have never heard anyone in my social sphere use the words stay at home mum either.

For instance, if you work, you wouldn’t feel the need to say ‘I am a working mum’ - you would say, I’m a doctor, or a retail assistant or whatever.

Similarly, women who don’t work (such as me) don’t really need the label of ‘stay at home mums.’ I suppose because it’s kind of stilted and meaningless really.

Actually, I think people have started saying LOL out loud as a word now!

@sangak

I don't know a single person who thought SAHM was a word, and not an acronym.

Is anyone that dense?

You have only just found out it's an acronym and not a word pronounced SARM haven't you?

@FuckingFlumps

What do you and these women talk about when you're all sat together at a table, talking about work is perfectly reasonable small talk.’

@sangak

You really can’t imagine anything to talk about outside your job? Really? As I said, even my husband manages to not go on about work at dinner or at social events. If he does, I kick him under the table. Most of the other DH’s manage it too. Not that hard.

Ignore the SAHM digs. Some people are just a bit jealous that THEY aren't fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with the kids!

So you think saying 'I'm a mum' conveys more meaning about your life and how you spend your time than 'I'm a stay at home mum'?

Your status as a parent and your work status are not the same thing. I'm a mum and I also have a career, I would mention both if someone asks me about my life.

@sangak

I have never heard anyone in real life say Sarm, but I have never heard anyone in my social sphere use the words stay at home mum either.

For instance, if you work, you wouldn’t feel the need to say ‘I am a working mum’ - you would say, I’m a doctor, or a retail assistant or whatever.

Similarly, women who don’t work (such as me) don’t really need the label of ‘stay at home mums.’ I suppose because it’s kind of stilted and meaningless really.

So now I think you are being deliberately obtuse.

Going all caps because it might get through.

YOU ARE CONFUSING REAL LIFE WITH ABBREVIATIONS USED AS A CONVENIENT SHORTHAND WHEN STRANGERS ARE TALKING ON THE INTERNET.

@cabingirl

Actually, I think people have started saying LOL out loud as a word now!

And these people must be rounded up and shot at dawn

@sangak , you still haven't mentioned how you manage to live without the little essentials of pension contributions.
Do you intend to work at paid employment some point?

No I just say I don’t work. That’s if anyone ever asks, which they don’t.

Ignore the SAHM digs. Some people are just a bit jealous that THEY aren't fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with the kids!

I don't think anyone is criticising the Op for not working, I think people are just a bit bewildered by her lack of awareness.

I'm so confused by this whole thread - you clearly do have a term for it, you've used it in the title: 'a mum who looks after her kids day to day'. Personally I think it doesn't work as well as a term as 'stay at home mum' - it's clunkier, might annoy women who feel they also look after their children on a daily basis but who work as well - but it clearly is a term you use to convey the concept. So I don't understand why you're pretending that you simply have no for it, in the way fish have no term for water, or whatever.

@sangak

No I just say I don’t work. That’s if anyone ever asks, which they don’t.

Is this because you never meet any new people?

But imagine you did. The next question is: "So what do you do with yourself all day?"

It’s not lack of awareness. I’m saying it how it is. On MN, there are many notions about SAHMs and this and that (yes, I did read it as Sarms, but that’s not the point). In real life, the women referred to on MN as SAHMs, don’t really give themselves this label or even think of it like that. That’s all I’m saying.