Page 10 | If you are a mum looking after your kids day to day, did give realise you were a ‘SAHM’ before coming on MN?

sangak · 2021-10-05T11:22:57+00:00

It always strikes me, that MN always has much to say about so-called ‘SAHMs.’ But if you said ‘SAHM’ (pronouncing it as ‘Sarm’) in real-life, nobody would know what this is. I know many women who don’t work due to children / family, but not one of them would know they were ‘Sarms’ [grin] or even recognise what ‘SAHM’ stands for - or that it is even considered ‘a thing.’ Just seems weird that the whole debate on here is so removed from real life.

cabingirl · 05/10/2021 16:23

@sangak

cabingirl - If someone asks me, ‘What do you do?’ at a dinner party, I might tell them about a few things I do. Depends who they are.

And if it's a stranger on the internet asking?

godmum56 · 05/10/2021 16:26

I first came across DD and DH some 20+ years ago on a website called Flylady

Original poster

sangak · 05/10/2021 16:28

I’m not being squeamish about anything. What do you mean? Even if I think back to when the kids were little and I used to take them to groups and all that stuff, nobody sat there saying, “Oh well how are you finding being a SAHM?” Or “How long are you going to be a SAHM for.” But on MN, it strikes me as being very different.

OP posts:

Original poster

sangak · 05/10/2021 16:30

cabingirl - I don’t want to go into details in case it’s ‘OUTING.’

OP posts:

TheGrumpyGoat · 05/10/2021 16:30

@sangak

I’m not being squeamish about anything. What do you mean? Even if I think back to when the kids were little and I used to take them to groups and all that stuff, nobody sat there saying, “Oh well how are you finding being a SAHM?” Or “How long are you going to be a SAHM for.” But on MN, it strikes me as being very different.

I guess it comes down to a difference in social circles then. Most mums I know work, either full time or part time. So being a stay at home parent is fairly unusual.

iwannabelikeyouhoohoo · 05/10/2021 16:32

@sangak

No I’m not a socialite!

Again, I’m not querying it as a term or arguing people wouldn’t know what it meant. Of course they would! I’m saying, I have never heard anyone describe themselves as such. If I think of the women I have known who fall into this category, they must amount to many hundreds over the years. Never heard ‘stay at home mum’ uttered from or about any of them and nobody has ever said this to me - even my husband, children or wider family. This is why it strikes me as odd that it’s so ubiquitous in MN.

At this point you’re surely being deliberately obtuse. Loads of women are telling you they have used/heard the phrase (not the acronym, obviously

) in real life, both prior to using MN and afterwards, and you are insisting that can’t be the case because you’ve not heard it in your lifetime. You are the weird one here, not us.

cabingirl · 05/10/2021 16:34

@sangak

I’m not being squeamish about anything. What do you mean? Even if I think back to when the kids were little and I used to take them to groups and all that stuff, nobody sat there saying, “Oh well how are you finding being a SAHM?” Or “How long are you going to be a SAHM for.” But on MN, it strikes me as being very different.

Again - are you new to internet forums? It's very common shorthand used all over the place - I've seen it for about 2 decades now.

MyothercarisaCozyCoupe · 05/10/2021 16:35

Op, did you work before you had children?

cabingirl · 05/10/2021 16:36

@sangak

cabingirl - I don’t want to go into details in case it’s ‘OUTING.’

EXACTLY - which is why on here you are a SAHM

SleepingStandingUp · 05/10/2021 16:38

@sangak

It’s not lack of awareness. I’m saying it how it is. On MN, there are many notions about SAHMs and this and that (yes, I did read it as Sarms, but that’s not the point). In real life, the women referred to on MN as SAHMs, don’t really give themselves this label or even think of it like that. That’s all I’m saying.

They might not label themselves as SAHMs but whether they say "I'm home with the kids", "I don't work", "I'm a full time mother who doesn't believe in working outside the home whilst the children are young", etc, the notions on here about SAHMs still apply to them

Original poster

sangak · 05/10/2021 16:40

I know some a SAHM on MN. And that’s fine. I’m saying people (or the ones I know - men and women) don’t use that term in real life. This is the point of the thread!

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lazylinguist · 05/10/2021 16:40

I’m not being squeamish about anything. What do you mean?

I mean that it sounds as though you actively don't want to say you're a SAHM or think of yourself as one, even though you are one. There are all kinds of reasons a person might not work. But if the principal reason is that you have children whom you either cannot or prefer not to put in childcare so that you can go to work, then you are a stay-at-home parent, whether you like to use the phrase or not.

From your comment about responding to the 'What do you do?' question by saying 'other things' you do, it sounds like you maybe object to potentially being entirely defined by your SAHM role. That's kind of fair enough I guess, but nobody is entirely defined by one thing, not their job or their parent status. I'm a teacher (and I've been a SAHM) but that was never all I did!

cabingirl · 05/10/2021 16:41

@sangak

I know some a SAHM on MN. And that’s fine. I’m saying people (or the ones I know - men and women) don’t use that term in real life. This is the point of the thread!

And now you know that

a) some people do use it in real life

and

b) some people who use it online do not use it as a phrase in real life

The rest of us all knew this already.

cabingirl · 05/10/2021 16:43

And just for your further education because one of your points seems to be that it's just a MN thing:

Here's a list of the top 100 SAHM blogs and websites showing you a small selection of the WWW (world wide web) where people are using the phrase SAHM on a regular basis:

Top 100 Stay At Home Mom Blogs and Websites
blog.feedspot.com/sahm_blogs/

FuckingFlumps · 05/10/2021 16:43

@sangak

I know some a SAHM on MN. And that’s fine. I’m saying people (or the ones I know - men and women) don’t use that term in real life. This is the point of the thread!

And almost everyone who has posted on the thread is telling you in their lives this phrase is totally normal and they use it all the time.

The fact you're ignoring this is just odd.

TheGrumpyGoat · 05/10/2021 16:46

And here it is as a simple dictionary definition…

www.dictionary.com/browse/sahm

Not just a MN thing.

Rannva · 05/10/2021 16:49

Nobody says 'starm'. Plenty of people use and understand 'stay at home parent'.

If asked I used to say "I'm not working at the moment" or "I'm at home with the kids." Easy.

Phrowzunn · 05/10/2021 16:52

This is such a weird thread! 😂 I am a SAHM (and from Scotland so IF it was a real word, I would pronounce it ‘saaahm’, the thought of people saying the word ‘sarm’ is both awful and hilarious) and I would definitely use the term ‘stay at home’ in real life, as would everyone I know. It obviously doesn’t mean all you do is literally stay at home it’s just an easy way of indicating you don’t work outside of the home, you have young children and are not currently in paid employment. I don’t think it’s a weird term at all. You kind of come across like you have a huge chip on your shoulder about being a stay at home mum to be honest.

Original poster

sangak · 05/10/2021 17:07

If I had a chip on my shoulder about being a SAHM, I wouldn’t be one would I?

I have no problem with anyone referring to me as a SAHM. That’s not an issue at all.

I guess what I’m saying is, on MN being a SAHM seems to put you into a ‘category’ and people have all-sorts to say about it. But in real-life, people who are SAHMs - in my area at least - would be surprised by all the debate about SAHMs that goes on on MN because it’s not even a term that they would apply to themselves. That’s my genuine experience.

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TheGrumpyGoat · 05/10/2021 17:10

I guess what I’m saying is, on MN being a SAHM seems to put you into a ‘category’ and people have all-sorts to say about it. But in real-life, people who are SAHMs - in my area at least - would be surprised by all the debate about SAHMs that goes on on MN because it’s not even a term that they would apply to themselves. That’s my genuine experience

But it doesn’t matter if it’s a term they apply to themselves, they still are one. And it doesn’t matter what MN calls them, the debate about it would happen if they just called them ‘mums who don’t work’, as the concept would be the same.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/10/2021 17:14

@sangak

If I had a chip on my shoulder about being a SAHM, I wouldn’t be one would I?

I have no problem with anyone referring to me as a SAHM. That’s not an issue at all.

I guess what I’m saying is, on MN being a SAHM seems to put you into a ‘category’ and people have all-sorts to say about it. But in real-life, people who are SAHMs - in my area at least - would be surprised by all the debate about SAHMs that goes on on MN because it’s not even a term that they would apply to themselves. That’s my genuine experience.

Would they be surprised by all the debate about women who don't work in order to look after the kids full time?
Would they be surprised to know some people don't think women should give up work in order to take on the primary care giving and that it should be shared instead?
Would they be surprised that some people think quitting work after you have kids leaves you financially vulnerable especially if you aren't married?
Would they be surprised that some people don't understand why other people would choose not to work even though the kids are all in school full time? Would they be surprised that some people think it's setting a bad example to your kids to not work because you had kids?

If they're surprised that those kind of conversations go on then they must be pretty sheltered and lacking life experience. It doesn't matter if you say SAHM or not working or home with the kids. It's exactly the same issue but using a slightly different turn of phrase

That can't be hard to grasp surely?

Nellle · 05/10/2021 17:14

But in real-life, people who are SAHMs - in my area at least - would be surprised by all the debate about SAHMs that goes on on MN because it’s not even a term that they would apply to themselves. That’s my genuine experience

So, you're hung up on an internet acronym that 99.9% of people don't acknowledge in your real life? Why start a thread?

Original poster

sangak · 05/10/2021 17:27

TheGrumpyGoat - well I don’t disagree, but maybe I can put it this way. Most people see the world mainly through their own lens and that’s “normal” to them. So, if you’re a shop assistant, you wouldn’t have much in common (professionally-speaking) with an MP or a banker, for instance. So, if you come on a forum to find you’re all classified as ‘WOHMs’ and then there is a whole debate along the lines of “WOHMs are this and they need to watch out for that, etc etc etc (we all know how the threads go) it might seem odd to you because you are an individual before a ‘WOHM’ and in real life, nobody thinks or refers to you as a WOHM, they just relate to you as the individual you are and it’s a non-issue.

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FuckingFlumps · 05/10/2021 17:29

@sangak

TheGrumpyGoat - well I don’t disagree, but maybe I can put it this way. Most people see the world mainly through their own lens and that’s “normal” to them. So, if you’re a shop assistant, you wouldn’t have much in common (professionally-speaking) with an MP or a banker, for instance. So, if you come on a forum to find you’re all classified as ‘WOHMs’ and then there is a whole debate along the lines of “WOHMs are this and they need to watch out for that, etc etc etc (we all know how the threads go) it might seem odd to you because you are an individual before a ‘WOHM’ and in real life, nobody thinks or refers to you as a WOHM, they just relate to you as the individual you are and it’s a non-issue.

You are massively over thinking this.

herculesoffline · 05/10/2021 17:32

Can anyone else not stop reading it in their head as sarms now?? 😳