If you are a mum looking after your kids day to day, did give realise you were a ‘SAHM’ before coming on MN?

[sangak]

It always strikes me, that MN always has much to say about so-called ‘SAHMs.’ But if you said ‘SAHM’ (pronouncing it as ‘Sarm’) in real-life, nobody would know what this is. I know many women who don’t work due to children / family, but not one of them would know they were ‘Sarms’ or even recognise what ‘SAHM’ stands for - or that it is even considered ‘a thing.’ Just seems weird that the whole debate on here is so removed from real life.

I did t know what you mean? Who goes on about work at a dinner party? Even my husband knows better than that.

Why can't you talk about work at a dinner party? What do you and these women atlk about when you're all sat together at a table, talking about work is perfectly reasonable small talk.

I much prefer it to home maker or housewife

I get annoyed at the phrase full time mom. I'm a full time mom, I just also happen to work.

Stay at home mom or parent is very common and has been used for years.

Do you live in an area where most moms/parents don't work and so you have no need to say that you don't?

I only know two stay at home moms, everyone else works at least part time.

‘What do you and these women atlk about when you're all sat together at a table, talking about work is perfectly reasonable small talk.’

You really can’t imagine anything to talk about outside your job? Really? As I said, even my husband manages to not go on about work at dinner or at social events. If he does, I kick him under the table. Most of the other DH’s manage it too. Not that hard.

You really can’t imagine anything to talk about outside your job? Really? As I said, even my husband manages to not go on about work at dinner or at social events. If he does, I kick him under the table. Most of the other DH’s manage it too. Not that hard.

Of course I can but you presumably socialise with these people often and yet you have never even asked them whether they have a job so I'm really struggling to see how the conversation goes?

Are housewives married to houses?

What are housemen?

Do twitchers actually twitch? Do the do it more than the next person?

Waiters spend a certain amount of time waiting for customers to order, but do they wait more than shop staff?

Is sangak one of the legendary prosecco in the daytime sarms? Is that why she's a little bit fixated on the term sarm and unable to understand that sarm (as opposed to the acronym SAHM) only exists in her mind?

Although there is a tidal wave of opinion against OP here, and whilst I have obviouely heard the phrase SAHM used, whenever I've taken a childcare related career break I think I would cringe to death describing myself as a 'SAHM' It's such a minimising, patronising title to assign to someone. The vast majority of women nowadays worked before they had kids and will most likely work again in the future, even if they do take a long break to look after children. SAHM to me has connotations of someone sitting around in a dressing gown and marigolds all day, waiting for the postman to arrive so she's got someone to talk to. I would always say "I'm looking after the children full time atm" or "I'm taking a career break". And I'm not sure I could imagine someone mid 30s or below who would use the SAHM phrase.

It's only really SAHM online as it's a quick shorthand to describing someone who does not work for an income. I WFH (work from home) part-time and have a child so I am 'technically' a mum who stays home but I run my own business so would not describe myself as a SAHM.

But if I was talking to someone in real life I wouldn't say "I work from home" I would just describe my business.

But when describing my day in an online forum I'd likely just write WFH.

You do realise that it's normal to type in internet forums in one style (usually a common one which makes life easy for all users to get the point quickly) and how we all talk in real life?

It sounds like in real life you don't meet many new people who ask you questions about your life.

What do you and these women atlk about when you're all sat together at a table, talking about work is perfectly reasonable small talk.

If you can only think of "work" as an acceptable topic for conversation you must be seriously dull 😂😂

I'm not a SAHM, in fact I'm not a mum at all. I knew what it meant, I thought it was obvious.

If you can only think of "work" as an acceptable topic for conversation you must be seriously dull 😂😂

Not intended in that way at all. However given that they have not even discussed whether they have jobs or not which is a basic getting to know you question I'm guessing the conversation is pretty stilted

I’m not on the Prosecco, I promise!

@SoupDragon

What do you and these women atlk about when you're all sat together at a table, talking about work is perfectly reasonable small talk.

If you can only think of "work" as an acceptable topic for conversation you must be seriously dull 😂😂

Depends on what your friends and family do - I was at dinner with a portrait artist, songwriter, and former intelligence agency employee the other day and they all talked about their work and it was fascinating.

‘Of course I can but you presumably socialise with these people often and yet you have never even asked them whether they have a job so I'm really struggling to see how the conversation goes?’

Oh no, I know they don’t work. I just don’t ask when and if they’re ever going back because it’s irrelevant and I don’t care. If they are and they want to tell me, then fine.

Have you all got really high earning husbands @sangak?

Oh no, I know they don’t work.

So if you know for certain they don't work then presumably at some point there was a conversation had about what jobs you did and you were asked too?

Put it this way, women don’t generally do around saying, “Hello, I’m a working mum,” do they. It sounds very stilted and arbitrary. So why would any woman say, “Hello, I’m a stay at home mum?’ It’s just a bit peculiar.

FuckingFlumps - not really. I mean, I might know what some did back in the day but It’s hardly a hot topic.

It usually happens early on when you meet someone ime
Friends I've known for years wouldn't describe themselves to me as SAHM - we'd have been talking all through the pregnancy about what they're doing etc. But to someone new they may well say SAHM or full-time-mum.

But if you meet someone new at some point you'll end up asking what they do, it's a perfectly normal thing to say.

My answer would be local government data quality but full time from home, it's very dull, and what do you do?

I think stay at home mum is quite a common phrase. I’m one and if someone asked me what I do in real life I’d say I’m a stay at home mum.

@sangak

Put it this way, women don’t generally do around saying, “Hello, I’m a working mum,” do they. It sounds very stilted and arbitrary. So why would any woman say, “Hello, I’m a stay at home mum?’ It’s just a bit peculiar.

OMG - people don't go around saying that, of course they don't!

They don't go around saying it on internet forums either UNLESS it's relevant to the discussion they are trying to have or a question they are asking or answering.

It's a SHORTHAND for strangers on the internet.

However I go to a lot of dinner parties with people I don't know - about once a month before COVID and people who don't know you always ask at some point "what do you do?"

Mums who aren't working (which is really rare in my immediate circle) would say they are a "full-time Mum", I think. However most women i know what some sort of part-time occupation even if they aren't the main breadwinner (lots of artists, writers, creative types etc)

Put it this way, women don’t generally do around saying, “Hello, I’m a working mum,” do they. It sounds very stilted and arbitrary.

If you walk up to someone on the street and just blurt it out à propos of nothing, sure. But if you've just met or qre getting to know somebody and they ask what you do, then no it doesn't sound stilted and arbitrary at all. E.g "Well I'm a stay-at-home mum at the moment, but I'm a lawyer/teacher/marketing director normally. I'll probably go back/look for sonething different when the kids are a bit older" etc. Not weird at all. Nor is talking about work (within reason) at a dinner party or other social event. Totally normal.

I've not read the full thread... it's quite long... but if anybody has watched The Let Down then you will have seen the career's day episode.

At the career's day the Mum who is at home with a brood of children all day calls herself a "SAHM" and pronounces it "Sarm" AND manages to make it look great as a job with one of her qualifications being that she can "remove a splinter in 2 seconds - no tears, no tweezers"!

That might be where the OP heard it pronounced "Sarm"?

Great series by the way!

[quote Nanananani]@Riada genuinely fascinating! To me it seems such a luxury to have a SAHP (or sarp according to this thread) I always wonder how people can afford life in one salary or then get concerned about the vulnerability of the SAHP position if the relationship goes south. So many questions![/quote]
I’m always rather surprised when people (I only see it on here) see a woman staying at home as a ‘luxury’, if I’m honest. It never struck me as in any way appealing, either before or after having a child. But my work is absorbing and meaningful and took a lot of degrees to be qualified for.

These people I’m thinking of at DS’s old school weren’t well off, either — it was a pretty solidly lower-middle-class scene. But it did seem to be generally accepted locally that women didn’t return to work after having a baby, — there were very few childminder/ nursery/wraparound care options, presumably because there wasn’t much of a call for them.