If you are a mum looking after your kids day to day, did give realise you were a ‘SAHM’ before coming on MN?

[sangak]

It always strikes me, that MN always has much to say about so-called ‘SAHMs.’ But if you said ‘SAHM’ (pronouncing it as ‘Sarm’) in real-life, nobody would know what this is. I know many women who don’t work due to children / family, but not one of them would know they were ‘Sarms’ or even recognise what ‘SAHM’ stands for - or that it is even considered ‘a thing.’ Just seems weird that the whole debate on here is so removed from real life.

@sangak

I was out with some friends the other night and it just struck me that we were all, sitting round that table, Sarms. And I thought, shall I tell them they are Sarms? Then I realised we don’t even think of ourselves as ‘Stay at home mums’, let alone Sarms. It never even occurred to me that I was in a category.

Because sarm isn't a category.

I don’t really think of myself as anything, to be honest. I’m a mum, yes. But I don’t stay at home any more than the next person (unless I’m ill or the kids are ill).

I’ve never been round a table where none of the mums had even a part time job. In DDs class of 30ish I think there’s maybe 2, 3 at a push who are SAHMs. It’s a very mixed area too with anything from looked after children to parents in 6figure plus jobs so pretty representative

@sangak It could be a regional thing, in the area I'm from in the north there is about 50 / 50 mix of sahm and working mothers . Nobody I know calls themselves sahm and nobody really asks you if you work or not . If someone does ask ,it's usually one of the answers you gave in a previous post .

It's just an acronym to stop people having to write it out. I don't think anyone actually says the acronym in real life. Also why would it be pronounced sarm? Surely if you were going to say the acronym it would sound more like saahm/Sam not sure where the r is coming from?

@sangak

I don’t really think of myself as anything, to be honest. I’m a mum, yes. But I don’t stay at home any more than the next person (unless I’m ill or the kids are ill).

It's not a literal pronouncement, just like Housewives didn't have a wedding ceremony.

Well I would just say I was a mum

But mums that go to work are also mums. So if someone asks you what you 'do' (eg what's your job) you can't just say 'mum' surely?

@Nanananani

I’ve never been round a table where none of the mums had even a part time job. In DDs class of 30ish I think there’s maybe 2, 3 at a push who are SAHMs. It’s a very mixed area too with anything from looked after children to parents in 6figure plus jobs so pretty representative

Whereas when DS was at a village school in the midlands I was one of only three WOHMs out of a class of 27 children. Which I was actually a bit taken aback by.

@sangak

I don’t really think of myself as anything, to be honest. I’m a mum, yes. But I don’t stay at home any more than the next person (unless I’m ill or the kids are ill).

Why so literal in the idea that stay at home mum means you only stay at home when it so clearly doesn't? When you fill in a form what would you put for occupation surley not just mum?

Also seriously what on earth do you all talk about over dinner if none of you discuss work?

Used to be called a housewife not that long ago.

I've heard and used the term "stay at home mum" forever. What else would you say?

Sarm? where did the R come from?

@TeachesOfPeaches

Used to be called a housewife not that long ago.

Yeah or "home maker" that one is terrible, Stay at home mother/father is better

@sangak

I always read SAHM as ‘Sarm.’ I nearly told someone I was a Sarm the other day and then realised they would think I was mad.

They would be because it's an an acronym used on the internet. In the real world it is "stay at home mommy"

Maybe you know it as Full Time Mummy OP

No offense but this thread is stupid.... It feels like an alternate reality.

@Riada genuinely fascinating! To me it seems such a luxury to have a SAHP (or sarp according to this thread) I always wonder how people can afford life in one salary or then get concerned about the vulnerability of the SAHP position if the relationship goes south. So many questions!

In the real world it is "stay at home mommy

Ugh, not mommy, mum. My autocorrect did that ridiculous correction!

@AryaStarkWolf

Sarm? where did the R come from?

The battle of the rhotics vs the non-rhotics has already taken place upthread (though more briefly than usual.)

‘Also seriously what on earth do you all talk about over dinner if none of you discuss work?’

I did t know what you mean? Who goes on about work at a dinner party? Even my husband knows better than that.

I realise SAHM is an acronym, but I assumed it was one of those acrotms that had also become a word. I’ve been reading it as Sarm for ages and It seemed very strange.

Are your children older OP? To be fair most people I know who are stay at home parents (which is hardly any) have primary school or maybe very early secondary school age children, i.e children too young to be without adult supervision for long enough to have a job. Once the kids are older than that the only people I know who don't work are either rich enough to not need the money (high earning partner/trust fund etc) or are reliant on benefits. I think if you are in a social circle where it is the norm for people to work then calling yourself a 'stay at home parent' distinguishes you from people who are 'unemployed', and the negative stereotypes/connotations that come with that.

@sangak

I don’t really think of myself as anything, to be honest. I’m a mum, yes. But I don’t stay at home any more than the next person (unless I’m ill or the kids are ill).

Of course you are in a category - you are not economically active, or unemployed, or at home to look after your children - rather than working.

The issue here is that SAHM is not an acronym as it can't be said as a word, it's an abbreviation.

Also seriously what on earth do you all talk about over dinner if none of you discuss work?

This is almost as weird as the premise of the OP! I work, as do all my friends, but we rarely talk about work when we meet for dinner.

I think it's become a lot more popular in the last 10 years or so, but it's definitely been around for longer. I hear SAHM and full-time mum a lot. Both are fine imo, everyone knows what you mean (nobody is implying that others are part-time mums).
Personally I tend to use "housewife" to describe what I do.