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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I complain to school about this?

200 replies

DigOlBick · 05/10/2021 12:10

Don’t know if I’m being Ott as I’m not a fan of social media in general.

Yesterday my 7 year old came home from school and asked if we could get TikTok. Obviously I said no and left it at that as I assumed some of her friends had been talking about it.

My partner asked her how she knew about it and she said that her TA was talking about it with them and talking about the different challenges that are on there. I’ve read a lot in the news about kids dying from stupid TikTok challenges and I’m quite shocked that an adult working in a class room of small children seems to be recommending videos to them.

My daughter is happy to not have any of these things, she has an iPad and is allowed Netflix and Disney and learning apps but she is not allowed YouTube or anything like that.

Would you complain to the school about this?

OP posts:

Shelddd · 05/10/2021 17:17

Crazy how many people support social media for such young children.

Jsiwiwb · 05/10/2021 17:18

@pollypocketlover

YANBU to be concerned. TikTok is not for 7 year olds and has a lot of grown up and troubling content on it. The TA was not just mentioning TikTok in passing, she was discussing videos she makes and uploads, obviously that's going to peak a child's attention and encourage them to be interested in it. I don't know that I would formally complain but I don't think it's right for TAs to be encouraging the use of a 13+ app to 7 year old children.

Also, I was in year 6 15 years ago and many kids in my class had phones that could share videos. It was definitely a thing. A boy in my class showed me porn that he had filmed from his computer screen using his phone. Parents should absolutely be closely monitoring their children's tech and social media use, in this day and age I think it's negligent not to.

I just did the maths, I was also in year 6 15 years ago and 2 people in the whole 2 form year group had basic phones, everyone thought they were super cool and were saying how so-in-so had a phone. We all wanted to play snake! I wasn't even aware of porn until year 8 when boys were showing it around class. Perhaps that would have been different if it weren't such a deprived area /more could afford these devices, but I'm very surprised by your experience back then. It must be awful now in schools. There are a few late primary girls on the street, pouting doing 'dances'(a series of poses) for tiktok. (We live in a cul de sac and they do it out front a fair bit). Makes me wonder what an earth they're looking at on there. Very sad. So much of childhood is lost now and children are growing up far to fast. I remember I year 7 my friend got a camcorder for christmas and we'd goof about making nonsense videos, pretend ghost hunts etc, wouldn't have even occurred to us to pout and pose. So different today 😟 we didn't know much about Internet safety and it seems that's the same today.

In no shape or form is tik tok appropriate for children, especially as young as 7 from what I see on my Instagram feed its mind numbing nonsense on it. I'd talk to the head definitely, not appropriate on TAs part at all.

nokidshere · 05/10/2021 17:37

Of course I wouldn’t object to sex education. This was a casual conversation where the TA was sat with the table while they were working and talking about TikTok videos. I just think it’s not appropriate to discuss that with 6 and 7 year olds.

It depends on who instigated the conversation really and what the context was. I work with children up to the age of 15, no subject is off limits. If they ask me questions I reply factually in terms that are age appropriate. Or I change the subject!

You are naive though to think that primary age children don't know about these things though just because they haven't been exposed to it at home. In my (40+yrs) experience children know at least 75% more than we think they do about a subject. Children with older siblings especially.

You can't remove your child from casual conversations, it doesn't sound like the teacher was 'recommending' tik tok, just talking about it. Maybe one of the other children asked her about it. But your child is going to learn lots of things you would rather she didn't at primary school so it's best to answer, say yes or no, and move on.

Wisteriac43 · 05/10/2021 17:42

School staff shouldn't be mentioning any of their social media accounts to children - I would think this is a safeguarding concern.

Pumperthepumper · 05/10/2021 17:54

Complain then - she’s your kid, if you don’t like something then bring it up. What are you looking for from this thread?

bohomoon · 05/10/2021 18:00

TopTabby most TikToks are completely harmless. I'm assuming the 7 year old does not have her own phone as with most primary school children. My own secondary school children don't own their own phone. You’re getting a little confused- saying TikTok is bad is like saying the internet in general is evil. It's how devices are being used that should be questioned. Thanks for the typo correction

pollypocketlover · 05/10/2021 18:14

@Jsiwiwb I reckon area probably has a lot to do with it. I grew up in a really gentrified part of London where a lot of the kids at my school had the newest version of everything, including phones. I didn't get my first phone until year 7 and it was my grandma's old phone (which had an antena, lol). I was mortified by it back then, but looking back I'm so glad my parents didn't let me have a smartphone or use Facebook (TikTok was not a thing when I was that age) until I got to around 13. I feel like I had a much more normal childhood than a lot of my friends, who from a much too early age were on Facebook and even Omegle talking to strangers.

SantanaBinLorry · 05/10/2021 18:17

@Morgan12

Let your 7 year old have kids youtube at least!

She will be left behind by her peers. Youtube is life for these kids. They don't watch TV etc. It's all about the youtubers.

It's a different world now. Get with the flow because you are only harming her.

Bullshit! Banging on like YT is some kinda human right. get a grip.

SeasonFinale · 05/10/2021 18:56

Why do you let her have Netflix though or do you mean she watches Netflix with you

Macncheeseballs · 05/10/2021 19:03

Bohomoon, it's not always the content of tiktoks that may or may not be harmless, its the addictive nature of the platform, nurturing the need for that dopamine hit, its not something a 7 year old brain needs to be exposed to

fourminutestosavetheworld · 05/10/2021 19:10

@Shelddd

Crazy how many people support social media for such young children.

I haven't seen any posts suggesting that unsupervised TikTok is suitable for 7yo children. Just people who know that such conversations can arise for all sorts of suitable and appropriate reasons when working with young children.

PlainOldMe80 · 05/10/2021 19:13

I wouldn't complain to the school, if you already told your daughter that she's not allowed to have TikTok and she's fine with that I don't see why you need to mention it to the school?

fourminutestosavetheworld · 05/10/2021 19:13

@Wisteriac43

School staff shouldn't be mentioning any of their social media accounts to children - I would think this is a safeguarding concern.

A kid asking a member of staff if they've got TikTok, or saying that their mum saw them on TikTok, or asking if they've heard of something currently viral on TikTok, is not a safeguarding concern.

Different if she was asking them to follow her, encouraging them to download it without their parents' knowledge or showing them videos, but I doubt that's what happened.

TSSDNCOP · 05/10/2021 19:15

The TA didn't, I assume, encourage the children to get Tik Tok she was just chatting about something she saw on there.

In your OP you say you aren't a fan of SM, which is absolutely absolutely your prerogative. Perhaps your dislike is clouding the fact it was just conversation.

To be honest, she would just have likely heard about it from a peer or a friends older sibling. Likely they would've actually shown her.

Now you can discuss your issues with it and explain why you don't think it's appropriate.

TSSDNCOP · 05/10/2021 19:16

It's not a safeguarding concern at all.

PillowRight · 05/10/2021 19:17

@Wisteriac43

School staff shouldn't be mentioning any of their social media accounts to children - I would think this is a safeguarding concern.

Good point. If the TA mentioned that they are on TikTok depending on the circumstance, it could be a safeguarding issue.

JuneOsborne · 05/10/2021 19:24

Blimey, once a term at my son's school we get a very stern letter home to all parents about age limits on films, TV shows and SM. They felt the need to do it because so many children were talking about watching films and tiktok videos that were above their ages. If your child says that they have seen something rated above their age they send you a different letter home and out it on file that your child has watched things they weren't old enough for.

Tiktok, and Facebook have an age rating of 13. Therefore school would write to you if they found out your child has an account for either, almost the opposite of encouraging it!

I would mention it to the class teacher. Absolutely.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 05/10/2021 21:33

"Good point. If the TA mentioned that they are on TikTok depending on the circumstance, it could be a safeguarding issue."

It isn't a safeguarding concern to tell pupils you have sm.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 05/10/2021 21:47

Personally I’d highlight it to the school, Ticktok I believe is for age 12/13/14 year olds, (can’t remember the age however my 12 year is still not allowed an account)

I’m not sure why the TA is discussing inappropriate apps that they are not even allowed an account for.

lemondrops99 · 05/10/2021 22:05

@DigOlBick

I just have to tell you OP that while I probably wouldn't complain at this point, I wholeheartedly agree with your position. I think it's wildly inappropriate. Your kids are lucky to have you on the ball with this stuff at home.

TSSDNCOP · 05/10/2021 22:17

It isn't a safeguarding concern to tell pupils you have sm.

Quite right. Posters are reacting as though she showed her Tinder profile.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 06/10/2021 09:09

@fourminutestosavetheworld

I occasionally refer to having a glass of wine or going to the pub with my family on the weekend but I'm not encouraging the children to do it.

Honestly, a massive difference between talking about your own life - especially if instigated by a child - and encouraging inappropriate behaviours.

You talk to your 6-7 year old students about having a glass of wine on the weekend? Why?

lazylinguist · 06/10/2021 09:43

There is a huge difference between not being a robot and topics that just aren’t appropriate.

There is a huge difference between mentioning or referring to to things which are for older children or adults and recommending that younger children use them. It's not normal to try to conceal from younger children the existence absolutely everything that's above their age level. Many have older siblings. Their parents talk about things that they watch/do which young children can't. Why would teachers have to religiously avoid even mentioning normal and well-known things that kids hear about all the time anyway?

Rainbowsew · 06/10/2021 09:54

Yanbu to not want your child engaging with these things.

Yabu to complain to school without knowing the context. It could be another child raised tiktok and the TA was just conversing about. I doubt she was feeling them all about it in away to get them using it.

My child's high school has just sent out an email to remind parents that all these online things Facebook, what's app tiktok etc have age limits and that they aren't recommended. I can't see any school staff encouraging or endorsing them particularly for young children.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 06/10/2021 19:12

"You talk to your 6-7 year old students about having a glass of wine on the weekend?
Why?"

It depends. Sometimes they tell me that their mum had a glass of wine and ask me whether I ever drink wine. Sometimes I must look stressed and a pupil might say 'you need a glass of wine.' Sometimes parents buy me bottles of wine and I say I'm looking forward to having a glass with my Sunday dinner. No doubt the po faced will be outraged but all part and parcel of building good relationships, being human and perfectly normal ime.

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