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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you would carry?

176 replies

bellaweir · 02/10/2021 23:10

After what's happened with Sarah Everard and Sabina Nessa this past week I was chatting to my mum about being safe outside.

We ended up down a rabbit hole of American women carrying guns/pepper spray/tasers for their own safety and I wanted a wider opinion on it.

If it were legal in the uk to carry something for your own protection would you?

OP posts:
FluffyBooBoo · 02/10/2021 23:17

Maybe pepper spray.

I would be totally against the US gun culture coming over here though. One sure fire way to increase gun crime is to have more people carrying guns.

Spongeboob · 02/10/2021 23:18

Pepper spray I'd like to have.

BakingOfTheFoodCats · 02/10/2021 23:19

Yes I would

Original poster
bellaweir · 02/10/2021 23:21

Yep I've said the same about pepper spray, not sure about knives or guns etc

OP posts:
Tealightsandd · 02/10/2021 23:24

Remember that whilst what happened was utterly awful, it's relatively rare.

70% of murdered women are killed at home.

I can see the reason why somebody might feel safer having something on them (not a gun). When I was younger several friends kept hairspray in their bags as a sort of DIY pepper spray.

Why not look into self defense classes? It's a really good way of boosting confidence around safety.

Bimblybomeyelash · 02/10/2021 23:24

Nope. I don’t think a gun would keep me safe sadly. I reckon that I would shakily point it and then quickly be overpowered and have it used against me.

pinkstripeycat · 02/10/2021 23:25

I just found out a male neighbour was attacked in a field behind my house. I’ve live here all my life and now I feel that I want to carry protection when i walk my dog. My DH said well that’s an offence. My answer was you don’t understand, you are not a woman.

Tealightsandd · 02/10/2021 23:26

@Bimblybomeyelash

Nope. I don’t think a gun would keep me safe sadly. I reckon that I would shakily point it and then quickly be overpowered and have it used against me.
Yes. The problem with weapons is that it's not uncommon for attackers to end up using them against the victim.

Self defense classes are a better option.

Sparklesocks · 02/10/2021 23:26

I’d be concerned that any weapon I had could be used against me if they were to overpower me. And I’m anti guns so I wouldn’t carry one of those.

I also think if the laws were changed you’d have some people carrying things like that they claimed were for ‘protection’ if stopped or questioned but were really intended for nefarious means.

pinkstripeycat · 02/10/2021 23:29

Women won’t ever truly be safe as there are always nutters. Always have been, always will be. Some are vicars, teachers, MPs, police. They are bad people who take those jobs so they can hide in plain sight not professionals who become bad

TaraR2020 · 02/10/2021 23:30

Yes, if it were legal. Never a gun, but I'd carry pepper spray.

I completely get the laws about carrying weapons of any sort but I have to say, when it comes to self defence, I do feel defenceless...a bit like being thrown to the lions with nought but my wits

Original poster
bellaweir · 02/10/2021 23:32

No I'm the same, and I don't even know if anyone can be trusted. I left an abusive relationship last year and I always thought I could spot signs of a cunt. But after poor Sarahs murderer it's left me so paranoid, like even a policeman could potentially harm me.

OP posts:
dogsrock15 · 02/10/2021 23:32

Yes. I have stopped jogging in my local woods recently due to reports of a flasher. I am going to start taking a little camping knife out with me so I feel safe to go there again.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 02/10/2021 23:34

No, I wouldn't and I wouldn't want to live I'm a society that allowed people to carry weapons.

Very sadly, even if Sarah had had pepper spray on her, it wouldn't have helped her. She was "arrested" and handcuffed by someone posing as a police officer. She presumably didn't realise the truth until it was too late.

TaraR2020 · 02/10/2021 23:35

I always thought I could spot signs of a cunt

I think if it were that straightforward then there'd be fewer incidents of attacks against women.

Problem is, doesn't matter how experienced or aware you are, no matter what measures you take, you can never really know who might strike

Hellokittymania · 02/10/2021 23:37

Yes, I would like to be able to carry pepper spray. I have a disability, and the amount of times I have been touched without my consent, pulled across the road, without my consent, followed home, etc. makes me really want to carry some thing that I can keep at hand easily.

Changechangychange · 02/10/2021 23:41

@Bimblybomeyelash

Nope. I don’t think a gun would keep me safe sadly. I reckon that I would shakily point it and then quickly be overpowered and have it used against me.
This - you’d have to be very confident about shooting somebody to death. Any wavering (or a non-kill shot) and there’s a really high chance you now have an even more enraged man grabbing your gun off you.

One thing I learned from the police following my violent rape was that the quicker rapes turn violent, the more violent they tend to end up being. Freezing is often the right thing to do from a self-preservation perspective. Obviously not when you are dealing with a murderer, but if you aren’t, you risk turning “just” a rapist into somebody who has beaten you to death/strangled you, by pissing them off. Fighting back is a very high-risk strategy.

Of course if you don’t fight back people will claim you consented, but all rapists claim that anyway once they are caught, since it is either that or admitting it. There is no way you can be raped and not blamed for it, basically.

Littleduck83 · 02/10/2021 23:43

No I wouldn’t. I’m very anti-guns so would never want to own one, or have one in the house. As for pepper spray etc, it would probably be lost in the bottom of my handbag and no use in an instant emergency.

Anything that could cause harm to an attacker also has the potential to cause innocent accidents, e.g if more people had guns then there would likely be an increase of people injured in incidents of accidental discharge etc. Then if course there is the risk of anyone using it as an excuse to carry something harmful for less innocent purposes.

Carrying a weapon to defend yourself sounds like an awful idea and the start of a slippery slope when we talk about young people and gangs, so I certainly wouldn’t want to see it encouraged for any sector of the population.

Onlinedilema · 02/10/2021 23:44

I was walking alone yesterday and I carried my keys between my fingers. I wouldn't think twice about scraping them straight across some hazards face now.
I've told my adult dds don't be kind don't be nice. Be direct and down right rude to every single person who you don't want to engage with.
Never move your bags off the seat next to you for some strange pervert to sit down. Fuck them you owe them nothing you cannot trust them.I
Your safety is far more important than any strangers feelings.
You really do not have to smile and engage with anyone who you don't want to. Males are not always told to smile be polite be nice blah blah blah.
Bollocks to this shit.

Changechangychange · 02/10/2021 23:47

I briefly considered gouging my rapists eyes, and I thought “no, I’m not putting that thought in his head. I’m not sure If I’ve got the stomach to actually blind him, but he totally has the stomach to do it to me if I try”

Flowers500 · 02/10/2021 23:48

I wish we were allowed to carry pepper spray—yes you’re more likely to be attacked by someone you know, but I can think of multiple times in my life that this would have been helpful… if anything I think it would just equalise the situation and the power difference beteeen men and women on the street

Bloodymess · 02/10/2021 23:52

No - by I wouldn’t anyway but don’t think it would practically be any use to me. By the time I’d realised I was being attacked and got it to hand I doubt it would be much use. The alternative is having the spray in my hand while walking, but think I’m more likely to injure someone innocent, maybe a child.

I have considered a rape alarm, got one when I went to university, not sure what happened to it, but I’d definitely need a new one anyway.

Littleduck83 · 02/10/2021 23:53

@Flowers500 I’m not sure it would equalise it, because if women could carry spray, then men could too. So they would still have the upper hand. The very things that you may want to use to protect you could equally be posed and used against you by someone with violent intentions.

PurplePansy05 · 02/10/2021 23:54

There are other options, such as rape alarms or protective sprays (not pepper, OP, they are legal). I bought both following Sarah's rape and murder.

I'd never wish to carry a gun or a knife or live in a society where carrying them is common.

Pepper spray, many years ago I was abroad when someone sprayed it in a club full of people. It was awful and affected several people pretty bad. Mixed thoughts on carrying this stuff if it was legal.

It's a sad state of affairs this is what we have to think about to stay safe.

Original poster
bellaweir · 02/10/2021 23:55

That was my argument as well, if you were being attacked and did pull a gun out there's nothing stopping the attacker becoming annoyed and using it against you, I know my ex would get even more angry and aggressive if I fought back. It just doesn't bare thinking about, I hate as women this is how we have to live our lives because of some evil beasts.

OP posts:
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