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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you would carry?

176 replies

bellaweir · 02/10/2021 23:10

After what's happened with Sarah Everard and Sabina Nessa this past week I was chatting to my mum about being safe outside.

We ended up down a rabbit hole of American women carrying guns/pepper spray/tasers for their own safety and I wanted a wider opinion on it.

If it were legal in the uk to carry something for your own protection would you?

OP posts:
SkylarFerris · 03/10/2021 14:37

I wouldn’t carry a weapon as I wouldn’t be able to cause deadly or serious harm to another. I would carry alarms etc

toocold54 · 03/10/2021 14:37

I would carry pepper spray but I’d never carry a knife or gun as that’s the exact reason why young people carry them to protect themselves ‘just in case’ and then they get into a fight and end up seriously injuring or killing someone and it becomes a vicious cycle as the next person carries one for protection.

As PPs have said the most dangerous men are the ones in your family/close circle anyway so it wouldn’t do much good anyway.

Joystir59 · 03/10/2021 14:45

Yes. I would learn how to use it and I would carry it on me.

saleorbouy · 03/10/2021 15:59

Anything legal that you can use in self defense can legally be bought by an attacker and used on a victim.
Carrying pepper spray is not really the answer.

RAFHercules · 03/10/2021 19:32

@dogsrock15

Yes. I have stopped jogging in my local woods recently due to reports of a flasher. I am going to start taking a little camping knife out with me so I feel safe to go there again.
It's illegal to carry a knife and it could easily be used against you.
PrawnofthePatriarchy · 03/10/2021 19:43

I wouldn't want to carry any sort of weapon. As so many PPs have said, it's all to easy for them to be used against you.

I've been raped twice. One of the men had a knife. Both times I froze and cooperated. My priority was not to do anything that might trigger the.man to injure or kill me. It paid off.

NormanStangerson · 03/10/2021 20:15

I personally have taken steps to learn how to protect myself. I am fit and active but I have specifically taken up a martial art and boxing so that I could have a fair roll of the dice if some cunt ever tried to attack me. But yeah, I wouldn’t mind having a hob nail trench club swinging from my belt.

mrssunshinexxx · 03/10/2021 20:17

Yep I have pepper spray

DrWankincense · 03/10/2021 20:25

The problem with self defence is that I don't think as a female it's very useful.
Even pitting the unfittest man against an extremely fit woman, the woman will generally come off worse.
So I'd happily carry pepper spray or an alarm.
However, if we go down the route of guns/tasers...surely that would mean everyone could carry them..let's not give men any more ammunition, they have more than enough already.

KrisAkabusi · 03/10/2021 20:40

No. It could be turned on you, you could hurt an innocent person.

NormanStangerson · 03/10/2021 20:55

The problem with self defence is that I don't think as a female it's very useful.
Even pitting the unfittest man against an extremely fit woman, the woman will generally come off worse.

What, so women just shouldn’t bother learning to defend themselves because they’ll probably come off worse? Surely having a chance is better? I’ve been taught to get out of grips, defend myself at close range and inflict pain to loosen a grip. I’m a tiny person and I feel a little bit safer knowing that my adrenaline and the skills I’ve been taught might just help me out.

We’re told not to defend ourselves with weapons as they’ll probably get used against us and now to not even bother learning to defend ourselves as they’ll probably win anyway. Fuck that.

The only ‘cure’ is for men stop attacking, raping and killing women, but that’s not going to happen anytime soon, so I’ll carry on learning how to kidney punch someone so hard they drop like a sack of shit, thanks.

TaraR2020 · 03/10/2021 20:58

@KrisAkabusi

No. It could be turned on you, you could hurt an innocent person.
Well I agree with

it could be turned on you

But if they're attacking me, they're hardly an "innocent person"

Kanaloa · 03/10/2021 21:03

@TaraR2020

What she is saying is an attacker could turn it against you, OR you could misinterpret someone moving by you/become nervous and accidentally mace or attack someone who was in fact innocent.

TaraR2020 · 03/10/2021 21:10

Fair point

esloquehay · 03/10/2021 21:10

I can defend myself AND I carry something to defend myself with. No fucker is EVER going to attack me again and me not put up a fight.

Rosebel · 03/10/2021 21:15

I wouldn't but my daughter's several months ago began kickboxing. Mostly because they enjoy it but there is a little part of me that was glad they'd be able to defend themselves. I also brought them rape alarms
I'd be against carrying anything though as others have said it could easily be used against you.
I also wouldn't because you are more likely to be hurt at home than by a stranger.

Newmumatlast · 03/10/2021 21:28

Yes I would because if it were legal to carry then you can bet my attacker would be. That is why I am anti guns. As soon as they're permitted everyone has them and it becomes even more dangerous

KrisAkabusi · 03/10/2021 21:32

[quote Kanaloa]@TaraR2020

What she is saying is an attacker could turn it against you, OR you could misinterpret someone moving by you/become nervous and accidentally mace or attack someone who was in fact innocent.[/quote]
This. There's also the example I give of a shooting in New York about ten years ago. One man killed, 11 others shot. Every single person was shot by police. One original man holding a gun was killed. 11 bystanders were hit with stray bullets by police fire. All those people were hit by trained professionals. Think how bad that could be with armed civilians here.

sylbunny · 03/10/2021 21:33

I've been attacked and I fought back and got away. I carry a small knife after dark now.

Tommika · 03/10/2021 22:03

@DrWankincense

The problem with self defence is that I don't think as a female it's very useful. Even pitting the unfittest man against an extremely fit woman, the woman will generally come off worse. So I'd happily carry pepper spray or an alarm. However, if we go down the route of guns/tasers...surely that would mean everyone could carry them..let's not give men any more ammunition, they have more than enough already.
A female can certainly defend herself.

Self defence is not the same as a fight, you don’t need to win against the attacker, you are defending from the attack and getting away from them.
Circumstances may vary - it could be avoiding being grabbed & overpowered, avoiding injury, preventing rape. You could be trapped and need to fend them off / get the attention of help or stop them getting hold of you and being able to escape the situation.

A self defence class will take you through some scenarios and what could work or wouldn’t work. It would allow you to practice and experience what it’s like to fight back and deal with the adrenaline - and find out how you (might) react - fight / flight / freeze

You don’t need to be physically the biggest and ‘strongest’. It could be to your advantage during an attack if they think you are a small quiet timid mouse but then turn into a wild animal when attacked.

Tommika · 03/10/2021 22:10

@DrWankincense

The problem with self defence is that I don't think as a female it's very useful. Even pitting the unfittest man against an extremely fit woman, the woman will generally come off worse. So I'd happily carry pepper spray or an alarm. However, if we go down the route of guns/tasers...surely that would mean everyone could carry them..let's not give men any more ammunition, they have more than enough already.
But of course in the sense of weapons - with a true ‘weapon’ the ‘victim’ isn’t ready to injure, or kill. But the attacker was prepared to commit an attack, a weapon is likely to escalate.

In the sense of ‘objects’ that you have at the time, some self defence training will show you how to fend off with common thing that are to hand. Even better that it’s not a traditional weapon as the attacker may not think of how to use it back - jab them with a pen and if they get it off you then they are likely to throw it aside, go to stab them with a knife and they will try to get it off you and potentially use it as a threat or weapon back at you

Tommika · 03/10/2021 22:13

@sylbunny

I've been attacked and I fought back and got away. I carry a small knife after dark now.
Please don’t. Get to a class and use something else
Beebababadabo · 03/10/2021 22:18

I have like a mini spray it sort of sprays like foam (it's harmless to the skin) but it does dye the skin I think it's called Farber spray it's meant to leave like a red stain on the person so they can be identified. I've had it for years but never used it and I use to take it out when I had to walk to my car after a late shift in a rough area. I read it's legal in the UK so that's why i got it. If you got attacked if you did spay something fairly harmless maybe just enough to sting a bit at them it's more a surprise and you could shout "this will blind you!" So maybe they might panic for a few seconds giving you enough time to get away. I also have a torch that's got a metal rim...it's for breaking a window in an emergency and it always set to the very bright flashing mode so if you quickly pointed it at someone, it could be enough to startle them for a few seconds so you can run.

Beebababadabo · 03/10/2021 22:24

oh it's farbgel it's actually still around I bought my about 10 years ago www.farbgel.com/

stevalnamechanger · 03/10/2021 23:10

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