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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you would carry?

176 replies

bellaweir · 02/10/2021 23:10

After what's happened with Sarah Everard and Sabina Nessa this past week I was chatting to my mum about being safe outside.

We ended up down a rabbit hole of American women carrying guns/pepper spray/tasers for their own safety and I wanted a wider opinion on it.

If it were legal in the uk to carry something for your own protection would you?

OP posts:
Blackberrycream · 03/10/2021 00:51

It really is awful the extent to which this constant threat of male violence curtails women’s freedoms.
I have had several incidents over my lifetime, some scary but not as serious as some others will have experienced. It just feels so ubiquitous.

Original poster
bellaweir · 03/10/2021 00:52

It's just shit isn't it that we even have to think like this. I'd love to be a man and just not feel fear if I need to go the shop for bread or milk

OP posts:
Blackberrycream · 03/10/2021 00:55

I don’t think legalising any of the above would work. It would also be used against women. Saying that, I did carry mace in my younger days. It wasn’t legal but if it had need to be used that wouldn’t have been my main worry.

LateDecemberBackInLowB12 · 03/10/2021 00:58

My daughters carry a rape alarm, a resin cat keyring that could do some damage, alcohol spray and I've just ordered a staining spray that's legal in the UK.

steff13 · 03/10/2021 01:00

I carry pepper spray. I have a concealed carry permit, but I don't usually carry a gun. I am comfortable doing so, however.

Changechangychange · 03/10/2021 01:01

@Fangdango

I always wonder about the advice given to women to carry keys ready to go for an attacker's eyes, or even the gouge his eyes advice. Because I've never heard of anyone having their eyes gouged or stabbed by a woman in self defence in reality. Has anyone?
It’s quite a big ask - gouging somebody’s eyes isn’t a small thing to do, you’d need a lot of determination and a strong stomach to actually do it, as opposed to just poking them in the eye.
Lucycantdance · 03/10/2021 01:04

Yes but I’m more likely to do self defence. I’m seriously considering it. Feel so angry.

whinetime89 · 03/10/2021 01:04

Iam Australian and went to the UK on a gap year when I was 18. I was walking home after a night out ans a man came up from behind, grabbed me and fondled my breasts. I started screaming blue murder and he ran off. After the police came they gave me these blue tubes which you can press which emit a high pitched sound to scare off would be attackers (a bit late) without a doubt if mace was legal i would take it out with me.

ElEmEnOhPee · 03/10/2021 01:11

I wouldn't carry a weapon but I want to take up Krav Maga, unfortunately nowhere near me does it so I've been watching a lot of videos and practising some stuff at home. It's worth a look, Krav is more aggressive than martial art and has no rules, that's why they don't compete like you might in BJJ or Karate. There are some pretty decent Krav Maga videos on Youtube that teach fairly "easy" techniques to defend yourself.

Original poster
bellaweir · 03/10/2021 01:16

Oh I've just googled Krav Maga and there's some classes round the corner, I'll have to get booking!

OP posts:
Klinkerbell · 03/10/2021 01:17

Pepperspray yes. Even if I got doused too, it would be worth it. No attacker would stick around hacking up a lung with their eyes burning. They would take off to try and find water to reduce the impact. As long as it was sprayed it would affect those near you, so it would deter an attacker even if you didn't get them directly in the face.

Blackberry is right about stomping hard on the instep, you can break bones in the foot. Or kick back at the knee if you are grabbed from behind. Knees are vulnerable.

A woman from the town I'm from was attacked from behind while putting her child in the car. With her hand in claw shape she reached behind her and continually raked his face for all she was worth in her terror. Someone called the police and when they arrived at first they went to arrest her as the damage she had done to the perp was extensive. Brave lady. She had the strength/determination as her inner mamma bear came out.

Alonglongway · 03/10/2021 01:38

I have DDs of 23 and 21,

Dd1 told me when she was maybe 15 that she assumed all the boys in school had porn on their phones. She gets harassment from men in the street regularly.

DD2 was attacked while out running when she was 18. She fought the guy off and got a few pics. He was not caught. She has gone on to train as a sexual violence counsellor.

DD1 said to me today that life feels dystopian for women right now

Justgivemewine · 03/10/2021 01:38

@bellaweir

Oh I've just googled Krav Maga and there's some classes round the corner, I'll have to get booking!
Seriously, go for it.

I started Krav Maga a couple of years ago and while I’m still no expert at it I know I would at least be able to put up a good fight.

Plus it’s also good exercise, a massive confidence boost and great experience being able to practice moves on the size and stature of different likely offenders.

Original poster
bellaweir · 03/10/2021 01:39

Your DD is very right. And my heart goes out to all of you who have experienced some form of assault or fear caused by bloody men. Maybe one day this will all end.

OP posts:
lydia2021 · 03/10/2021 02:12

I carry high pitched noise pendant. It's made for runners, they run day or night. If being mugged, which I have been, it let's off 140 decibels. It alerts anyone around, and people will always stop what they are doing and look. Assailant does not want an audience, and usually runs away

noodlezoodle · 03/10/2021 02:21

I live in the US and I don't carry any weapon, including pepper spray. Unless you're very used to using it, it's too easy for a weapong to be taken and used against you.

Original poster
bellaweir · 03/10/2021 02:33

Would anyone actually feel safer with a bus driver than a policeman? Thinking about it, I think I would

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 03/10/2021 03:09

Yes definitely.

Pretty much anyone really to be honest!

Balonzette · 03/10/2021 03:12

Yes 100%.

I personally think it's disgusting that it's illegal for a woman to carry a weapon to defend herself. Because a weapon would be my ONLY chance of survival should I be in Sarah Everard's situation.

QOD · 03/10/2021 03:17

Oh gawd. I actually have a tiny Stanley knife in my dog walking bag and if I’m alone I often carry a small can of deep heat spray.
Has great same affect as pepper spray

Bloodybridget · 03/10/2021 03:20

Carrying weapons - usually knives - is no protection at all for the dozens of boys and young men who are injured and killed every year in the UK. Nobody except licensed military and law enforcement officers should be carrying a weapon. Personal alarms, sure.

NiceGerbil · 03/10/2021 03:24

@Balonzette

Yes 100%.

I personally think it's disgusting that it's illegal for a woman to carry a weapon to defend herself. Because a weapon would be my ONLY chance of survival should I be in Sarah Everard's situation.

And men should not be allowed to?

You want everyone to be able to buy and carry a gun?

What will that achieve?

How would it have helped Sarah?

NiceGerbil · 03/10/2021 03:26

Carrying a knife is illegal unless you know I little penknife or just bought one.

Sales to young people are banned.

Obv you can't ban knives full stop.

The crime and criminals are the problem.

Why would anyone want us to be like USA?

CardiganAddict · 03/10/2021 03:26

@Tealightsandd

Remember that whilst what happened was utterly awful, it's relatively rare.

70% of murdered women are killed at home.

I can see the reason why somebody might feel safer having something on them (not a gun). When I was younger several friends kept hairspray in their bags as a sort of DIY pepper spray.

Why not look into self defense classes? It's a really good way of boosting confidence around safety.

It might be more rare because women are generally ultra cautious and aren't out walking at night. The danger could still be present we're just avoiding it
NiceGerbil · 03/10/2021 03:36

I was reckless when young.

IME most men are fine.

The times I've been flashed etc and worse.

Have all been either situations that are not on the women beware rules list if strangers. Or men I knew well.

I really do question 'the rules'.

There should be one set common sense which applies to both sexes. Men get assaulted robbed etc when drunk. Why is it just women? It costs us money, reduces spontaneity. And we are reminded all the time from when we're young that we are prey. Must be alert at all times. Any and all men could be a risk. Here is a massive list of rules to keep you safe. If you violate any and something happens. Well. That's on you.

It's shit.