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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get in touch with distant famous relative?

207 replies

Cookingrice · 02/10/2021 20:31

I have a very famous distant relative. Through lockdown she’s cropped up a lot in quizzes. The family spread across the country a generation back, no bad feelings. I thought how nice it might be just to make contact, just to say hi, but would that be weird? I don’t want anything from her at all (except maybe a signed photo for the children 🤣). I’ve found their official web page with contact email, obviously not them but might be starting point.

Is it weird? If not what should I say?

For context, she’s my grandma’s great niece.

Thank you - welcome your thoughts!

OP posts:
Thehouseofmarvels · 03/10/2021 08:16

I would plan to track down more relatives after my nice experience talking to one and seeing what photos they might have of ancestors or heirlooms and figure out how to turn all the images into art. ( I am an artist and trainee art teacher).

Frazzledd · 03/10/2021 08:21

When I read your OP I did think 'no, weird...!'

But thinking about it, if I found out I was related to say Stephen Fry, I'd think I'd drop an email! Why not?

(Who is it Grin) You said this person has recently appeared on some quizzes 🤔

seriousandloyal · 03/10/2021 08:22

I think you should! We've been contacted by distant cousins in the past and I thought it was great! I love family stories and family history, your relative might too. The worst she can do is ignore you if she is not interested. Good luck OP.

PeriChristmas · 03/10/2021 09:01

@Cookingrice

I hope I’ve made it clear - I don’t want a bloomin’ limo 🤦‍♀️. It’s not about any of that - I couldn’t care less about that side of things and I wouldn’t want anything from them. It’s not just for me, family members closer to them have been talking about her (first cousins) and I wondered whether it would be fun to make a connection, particularly since recent family bereavements. I couldn’t give a fig about wealth or getting anything financial from it, that’s not what it’s about at all. But you’ve all put me in my place - I won’t try and make contact for fear of causing offence or looking weird 🤣
Why on earth would you get anything financial from contacting a famous distant cousin?!

My best friend has a cousin who is a pop icon. But they have known each other all of their lives, so regularly meet up when the cousin is in town.

They are so so famous & have been for decades, but they are still just a person. Who appreciates family & being treated normally.

I would say go for it. But don't treat them any differently to any other person.

PeriChristmas · 03/10/2021 09:04

And what are the quizzes?

Dindundundundeeer · 03/10/2021 09:30

Good grief, my cousins come to Xmas and Easter at my house every year. They bring their kids which means my kids know their second cousins. I also know my second cousins for the same reason i.e my parents still saw their cousins when I was a kid! Some very odd answers on here.

lottiegarbanzo · 03/10/2021 09:45

Some people know their second cousins, some don't. Quelle surprise.

OP, if you were actually interested in genealogy, or contacting all your living relatives, this would be fine. You're not though, you're just getting fluttery because this person is famous.

You're going to come across like Phoebe from Friends, in the episode where she uses her tenuous connection via Ben, to try to meet Sting.

liveforsummer · 03/10/2021 09:56

Give us a ball park- like Beyoncé famous, davina McCall, cilla black?

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 03/10/2021 10:10

@Dindundundundeeer

Good grief, my cousins come to Xmas and Easter at my house every year. They bring their kids which means my kids know their second cousins. I also know my second cousins for the same reason i.e my parents still saw their cousins when I was a kid! Some very odd answers on here.
Your comparing apples and pears. You have a relationship with your cousins and always have. If you didn't know them from Adam it would be different. This thread seems to be split between those who don't know their cousins and those who do so see a call from the blue as nice thing. From the famous persons point of view if she was to accept the new relative as someone to communicate with on that basis she'd have to verify her identity etc since her fame means she probably does get nut jobs getting in touch. Why everyone is pretending being stratospherically famous makes no difference to the dynamic here is odd to me. Just cos you're relatives come for Xmas isn't a comparable situation
mockingjaye · 03/10/2021 10:12

Would you contact her if she wasn't famous?

There's your answer.

GreyhoundG1rl · 03/10/2021 10:13

@Dindundundundeeer

Good grief, my cousins come to Xmas and Easter at my house every year. They bring their kids which means my kids know their second cousins. I also know my second cousins for the same reason i.e my parents still saw their cousins when I was a kid! Some very odd answers on here.
And op and her cousins have never even met... See the difference?
Frazzledd · 03/10/2021 10:14

@liveforsummer

Give us a ball park- like Beyoncé famous, davina McCall, cilla black?
I'm not sure about Cilla...

I'm guessing quizzes/english/actress...🤔

Jennifer Saunders

liveforsummer · 03/10/2021 10:21

Oh Jennifer Saunders a good shout. If OP doesn't want to reveal the real celebrity though an equivalent famousness example should be offered 😆

GiraffeClimber · 03/10/2021 10:23

The key question is would you be bothering to contact her if she wasn’t famous?

sammylady37 · 03/10/2021 10:25

I don’t know most of my first cousins, much less my second cousins. I’d absolutely hate it if one of them contacted me talking about family connections/history and I’m not remotely famous!

Flatwhitetostayin · 03/10/2021 10:38

Have only read your responses, but absolutely don't listen to all the bar humbug responses from strangers. The worst that could happen is that she ignores you. But you could miss out on a family connection. X

felulageller · 03/10/2021 10:47

It would surely be better coming from your parent who's her first cousin? Or have they died?

Do some genealogy and use that as a reason. Or find an old photo of the Gran's together and send a scan of that.

If your gran dies would she attend the funeral?

What have you got to lose?

londonrach · 03/10/2021 11:01

That's vvvv distant...in fact half the people in the UK be related that close. Yabu re contacting this poor lady.

PearlclutchersInc · 03/10/2021 11:09

Would you even be remotely interested if they werent famous?

Thehouseofmarvels · 03/10/2021 11:11

@londonrach half the people in the Uk are second cousins who have grandparents that were close as siblings ? And that second cousins are very very distant ?

waybill · 03/10/2021 11:13

@Feelslikealot

Of course it's fucking weird. Leave the woman alone.
No it's not weird. People researching their family history do this all the time. What difference does it make that this relation happens to be famous?

The only issue would be whether the only motive for contacting them is purely because they are famous.

SecretKeeper1 · 03/10/2021 11:16

@londonrach

That's vvvv distant...in fact half the people in the UK be related that close. Yabu re contacting this poor lady.
No it’s not. Their parents are cousins! How is that vvvv distant? My kids know my cousins kids.
AdobeWanKenobi · 03/10/2021 11:17

@londonrach

That's vvvv distant...in fact half the people in the UK be related that close. Yabu re contacting this poor lady.
Second cousin isn't vvvv distant at all

And 'poor lady'? 😂😂😂

dodobookends · 03/10/2021 11:18

There's someone in my family tree who is world famous. I started researching my family tree after DM died, and got in touch with her after writing to an address I found in DM's address book that was about 30 years old. Turned out her parents still lived there, and they rang me up. They were really pleased to hear from me and we have met several times since, so don't let the celebrity status stand in your way, OP.

Beelzebop · 03/10/2021 11:21

@Cookingrice

Our grandparents were siblings, and they were extremely close, which is part of the reason for the query really. I thought how delighted my grandma would be if she thought we got in touch. I guess being famous just makes them more accessible to contact, even though she doesn’t live in this country. I really don’t want anything, and would hate to weird someone out. My motives are purely about connection and family, nothing more. But the responses here make me worry it would just cause grief so I’ll leave it. Thanks all
I don't see why you shouldn't if it's for family reasons and you explain the connection. As a family tree person myself it's very common for people that closely related to reach out.