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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get in touch with distant famous relative?

207 replies

Cookingrice · 02/10/2021 20:31

I have a very famous distant relative. Through lockdown she’s cropped up a lot in quizzes. The family spread across the country a generation back, no bad feelings. I thought how nice it might be just to make contact, just to say hi, but would that be weird? I don’t want anything from her at all (except maybe a signed photo for the children 🤣). I’ve found their official web page with contact email, obviously not them but might be starting point.

Is it weird? If not what should I say?

For context, she’s my grandma’s great niece.

Thank you - welcome your thoughts!

OP posts:
FrippEnos · 02/10/2021 22:01

Just say that you are researching your family history and her name came up and you were wondering if she had any information about the family that she would/could share.

You could even put in the family tree to the point were you have researched to so that she can see/check if you are family.

Headteacher412 · 02/10/2021 22:02

Would she have known your grandma personally? If so, I see no harm in introducing yourself, she may well have fond memories of her. If not, then realistically she's just a name in your family tree.

If she's very famous, she may well never see the letter, and a signed photo will be despatched by a staff member!

Mammyloveswine · 02/10/2021 22:09

Urgh was hoping you'd give a hint as to who it is???

Cccc1111 · 02/10/2021 22:11

If she wanted to be involved with your side of the family she would already have decided to, and she would have already made contact herself - if not with you, but through another of your relatives. Dp is distantly related to a large celebrity, he’s never met him, and has been told through other relatives before he doesn’t want contact with that side of the family. So it won’t be happening.

Pollythecat15 · 02/10/2021 22:14

I think it's fine if you want to contact her. It's your choice.

If I was in that situation, I don't think I would to be honest.
I don't view famous people as being any different to anyone else - unless they have done something truly inspirational - so that side of it just wouldn't appeal to me.

Just go with your gut instinct.

Kerikerikeri · 02/10/2021 22:17

Yes I would. You could ask her about other family and just say it would be nice to connect with that side of your family

midlander88 · 02/10/2021 22:22

I think it's fine, I added my grandma's great nice on FB years ago and we occasionally comment on each other's posts. We have a lot of the same family facial features too, it definitely feels like we're cousins so I'd say go for it. Plus, it's a link to the past.

PomPomSugar · 02/10/2021 22:24

It’s Adele isn’t it.

starfishmummy · 02/10/2021 22:24

I'm doing my family tree and have been in touch with strangers- a couple of emails going back and forth just to give or receive information etc. So I don't think it's weird. (However I don't think they are famous or rich)

Bellaphant · 02/10/2021 22:25

I have quite an unusual last name there is someone medium famous who shares that name and is the spit of all my male relatives. I've often wondered about working out what the connection is, but I don't think I'd want to reach out, unless it was obvious he did know a known family member, for example.

CantThinkOfaUserNameAgain · 02/10/2021 22:25

We have a very famous person in our family (dads first cousin) - former Formula 1 driver.
We have not reached out… although the family ressemblance to my father is shocking!

Like your family people moved all over the country.

Did ask my dad if he wanted to reach out and he preferred to leave it.

However I understand your curiosity ❤️

Sittingonabench · 02/10/2021 22:26

I think it’s nice you want to reach out. I would maybe tell her your father passed away and you’re interested in learning a bit about your shared family history and would she be interested in a chat to share information. People are people at the end of the day however successful, and often the more successful they are the more they look for things to ground them like family connections so people saying she gets nothing out of it may be surprised.

LuluJakey1 · 02/10/2021 22:26

I knew all my grandma's brothers and sisters really well. Their children were my mam's cousins and their children were the same ages as me.I wouldn't think it was odd at all.

One of my second cousins got in touch with me about a month ago just to catch up. Haven't seen him in almost 20 years. I was delighted to talk to him and meet up. He lives in Leeds now but came up to the North-East and we had him here for a walk and a meal and it was really nice.

NiceGerbil · 02/10/2021 22:29

Sorry OP. I understand the temptation!

But you're only doing it because of their fame and wouldn't otherwise so I say leave them be.

Keep it for when you need and interesting fact about you for a hideous training session at work. Or when the topic of famous people you have met comes up in the pub :)

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 02/10/2021 22:29

But different when you've had a pre existing relationship and have similar social standing though isn't it.

lottiegarbanzo · 02/10/2021 22:30

Your Grandma's great niece. So your second cousin?

(Grandma's sibling's child's child. Your parent's cousin's child).

That's not so very distant if your parent was close to their cousins. If so and the person is the same age-ish, you might easily have grown up knowing each other.

You didn't though. So unless you're tracing the whole of you family tree, leave it.

More to the point, who are you? I mean she's the famous one, she could contact you and that would mean something to you. But when you contact her, what is she going to know, or want to know, about you?

SurferRona · 02/10/2021 22:31

How do you know this OP, if this has been coming up only in family quizzes? If you haven’t independently verified it, I wonder if the family are pulling your leg? Sort of thing which would happen in mine Grin

Jerrysgonnabeacableboy · 02/10/2021 22:33

For everyone saying no, what's the worst thing that could happen? A celebrity somewhere is mildly irritated?

AlexaShutUp · 02/10/2021 22:35

Grandma's great niece isn't a very distant relative in my view. That means that your parents were cousins? My dd knows all of my cousins' kids despite being scattered across more than one country. They aren't close at all, but it wouldn't be weird for her to contact them.

Did you know each other as children? Meet at family functions? Obviously, you don't want to come across as a weirdo or like you're out to get something, but I actually wouldn't think it was that strange for you to make contact in light of the fact that you've recently lost your dad and feel the need to connect with your wider family. I don't know, maybe I'm weird! But family means a lot to me.

ShuddaBeenMe · 02/10/2021 22:38

Do it!

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 02/10/2021 22:38

I’m close to my second cousins! We even live near each other. I say do it!

Horsebox49 · 02/10/2021 22:40

Of course there's no harm in contacting her! Some really bloody weird replies on this thread Hmm So what if she's famous? She's only another human being who you share some DNA with - the worst that can happen is she just won't reply. It's so obvious from your post that you're only considering contacting her because her fame makes it relatively easy to do so, not because you're some money-grabbing loon who's ignoring all your non-famous relatives! Go for it and ignore the oddballs, OP Grin

Lalliella · 02/10/2021 22:40

You have nothing to lose, go for it!

ddl1 · 02/10/2021 22:41

No problem = the worst that can happen is that she could ignore you. If it was your fifth cousin seven times removed, it would seem rather peculiar; but a second cousin is well within the range where it's normal enough to get in touch. I know several of my second cousins quite well; and was contacted separately by two (one on my mum's side and one on my dad's) who had found me on the internet. We have remained friends and in regular contact. Admittedly, none of us are famous!

MacMahon · 02/10/2021 22:41

I also feel that you didn’t really have a reason for meeting her when you started this thread. Or not one you could explain.

I’m not sure why you keep mentioning “limos”.