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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get in touch with distant famous relative?

207 replies

Cookingrice · 02/10/2021 20:31

I have a very famous distant relative. Through lockdown she’s cropped up a lot in quizzes. The family spread across the country a generation back, no bad feelings. I thought how nice it might be just to make contact, just to say hi, but would that be weird? I don’t want anything from her at all (except maybe a signed photo for the children 🤣). I’ve found their official web page with contact email, obviously not them but might be starting point.

Is it weird? If not what should I say?

For context, she’s my grandma’s great niece.

Thank you - welcome your thoughts!

OP posts:
Lerram · 02/10/2021 21:21

Do you have anything, like a photo of her grandmother, you could send her? "I came across this photo and thought you'd like to see it"

That would work. I'm in touch with several second cousins. I don't regard them as distant at all

Wineat5isfine · 02/10/2021 21:22

Go for it! I’m distantly related to a world famous celebrity. I never tell anyone because they just wouldn’t believe me. We found out via a family tree investigation.

A member of my family is in touch with this persons mum - Lovely family! Very surreal though.

Morph2lcfc · 02/10/2021 21:23

I’ve been doing my family tree for years and recently did ancestry dna also and 2nd cousin is a massively close relative. I think I’d email and say you are tracing the family tree and be honest say you’ve been able to find their details because they are well know but ask if they are able to put you in touch with any members of the family who are interested in family history

Brollywasntneededafterall · 02/10/2021 21:24

Shame she can't drag you on Jezza for dna testing!!

Wtf86 · 02/10/2021 21:24

What are people saying? You’re really closely related!! I know all my second cousins via Facebook from Canada , the US, India and New Zealand! We’ve all met/visited over the years!! Nothing weird at all

AveryGoodlay · 02/10/2021 21:25

I don't know, the amount of times you've said "I really don't want anything" almost sounds as if you do (protesting too much?).

It isn't that difficult to find family. I found a load of mine as my mum was adopted. If you're claiming you want to know more of your family and only contacting the rich and famous one, not attempting to contact others, only you know your true reasoning for that.

QueenBee52 · 02/10/2021 21:26

A relative is a relative.. hence genealogy websites are so interesting ...

go for it 🎉

RichardMarxisinnocent · 02/10/2021 21:26

Second cousins really isn't distant relatives. Like others I know a few of mine. Some I pretty much grew up with as our grandparents were very close and spent a lot of time together. Others I met a few times as children, and then rarely as adults. Others I have never met, but they'd know who I am if I contacted them (and vice versa) even if it was just as "mum's cousin Jack's child" or "great aunt Violet's granddaughter" who they've heard people mention (names obviously not real)

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 02/10/2021 21:27

Go for it, I am a member of the ancestry website and have received and sent messages to far more distant relatives than that. It's fun finding a connection and sharing old family photos. If she's not interested she doesn't have to reply but you won't know unless you try.

Hugoslavia · 02/10/2021 21:28

Do you have any interesting old family photos that you could share? That way it would appear like you have something to offer or start up a genuine family tree conversation with.

diamondpony80 · 02/10/2021 21:28

2nd cousin isn’t that distant! I know all my nan’s great nieces and nephews. We’re not close (only really see each other at weddings and funerals) but I’d have no problem approaching them for a chat. I say go for it.

Walkingalot · 02/10/2021 21:29

I see my 2nd cousins at family funerals, which unfortunately get more frequent as you get older. Please go for it OP. You are related. A photo or something would help as proof (as she may get a few weirdo's claiming loser connections). She is a person, not just a celebrity and most people would appreciate family reaching out, especially in these trying times.

fiveleftfeet · 02/10/2021 21:29

Contact her and be honest, same as you have been here.

She might ignore you, but as long as you think you can cope with the rejection, you stand more to gain than to lose.

Nothing ventured...

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 02/10/2021 21:30

I actually think it would be less weird if you got in touch via this published email address (which if she is that famous will probably have a pa at the end of it) and said that you were a big fan and would she sign this book you've bought (postage for return included /a photo / whatever.. Because you would really appreciate it and your dd would take it to show and tell. Wish you well. p.s btw your great aunt is my grandma!

SpeakingFranglais · 02/10/2021 21:30

If she wasnt famous would you be as keen? Have you contacted her siblings or equally distant equivalent relatives?

Of course not, it’s weird.

Original poster
Cookingrice · 02/10/2021 21:31

@AveryGoodlay or maybe I’m trying to make my intentions absolutely clear 🤦‍♀️. Gosh the implied accusations on here that I’m trying to get limos or some other financial benefit are, quite frankly, sickening. I’m not commenting further on this thread. Like I said - it’s about family connection, and they’re easy to contact as so “visible”. And connected with older family members who don’t use the internet. My query was how weird would it be to receive a contact from a second cousin. We’re not estranged, the family has never been estranged. She now lives overseas so chances of furthering a relationship extremely slim. Thank you all for your comments and taking the trouble to comment, most of you have understood my motives! So thank you xx

OP posts:
SunshineCake1 · 02/10/2021 21:31

No don't. Do not take notice of random people who won't remember you in a minute. If you'd contact her if she was as easy to find and wasn't famous then I think it is true you're not after anything.

She is family.. Posters are nobodies.

KittenMama · 02/10/2021 21:31

I have a famous second cousin too, never contacted them as to them it will just come across as you being after something regardless of what you say. By all means contact her but just be prepared for radio silence.

Rosesandblossoms · 02/10/2021 21:32

2nd cousin isn’t distant at all! My second cousins once removed are some of my closest!

UniversalAunt · 02/10/2021 21:32

‘I’ve been doing my family tree for years and recently did ancestry dna also and 2nd cousin is a massively close relative. I think I’d email and say you are tracing the family tree and be honest say you’ve been able to find their details because they are well know but ask if they are able to put you in touch with any members of the family who are interested in family history.’

This is a good approach.
Mention some detail about your grandparents, give enough information to show your interest.

elbea · 02/10/2021 21:32

I too have a famous second cousin and only really talk to him at family gatherings.

I do feel like other family members contact him specifically to ask for concert/festival tickets. I can’t imagine it feels a bit crap to be used in that way. I absolutely wouldn’t ask for a signed photograph.

Lurkerlot · 02/10/2021 21:33

@maffhew

Is your grandmas great niece even classed as a relation?
Second cousin (I think)
Cas112 · 02/10/2021 21:33

No don’t get in touch, I imagine a lot of famous people get pestered off ‘distant cousins’ coming out of the woodwork. You probably wouldn’t even get a response

GreyhoundG1rl · 02/10/2021 21:33

Our grandparents were siblings, and they were extremely close, which is part of the reason for the query really. I thought how delighted my grandma would be if she thought we got in touch
How come you've never even met, in that case?

TaraR2020 · 02/10/2021 21:33

I think you should. As long as you're prepared for nothing to come of it.

If you do successfully make contact, all you need to do to prove you're in it for the right reasons is keep it quiet and don't ask or hint for anything of financial worth. Don't play on her contacts or seek free tickets etc.

As with any situation like this, contact once made may fade out after any length of time and you may not have anything in common.

But have you anything to lose?

Your grandmother may love to meet her and this would be a good starting point.

Good luck!