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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get in touch with distant famous relative?

207 replies

Cookingrice · 02/10/2021 20:31

I have a very famous distant relative. Through lockdown she’s cropped up a lot in quizzes. The family spread across the country a generation back, no bad feelings. I thought how nice it might be just to make contact, just to say hi, but would that be weird? I don’t want anything from her at all (except maybe a signed photo for the children 🤣). I’ve found their official web page with contact email, obviously not them but might be starting point.

Is it weird? If not what should I say?

For context, she’s my grandma’s great niece.

Thank you - welcome your thoughts!

OP posts:
glitterelf · 02/10/2021 20:52

My DH has two famous relatives one I talk to and support her work and she has very kindly sent DD stuff which is treasured. The other is a cock and any communication he'd think we were after some free tickets!

TheVolturi · 02/10/2021 20:53

Ignore the bitchy people op! This is the vipers nest after all! You've nothing to lose, send a message.

Didiusfalco · 02/10/2021 20:54

I think if you do, approach it by saying you are trying to get in touch with the wider family, she was easy to find, could she put you in touch with other members (assuming this is true, and what you want?)

ED81 · 02/10/2021 20:56

Do it if you wish. Please don’t take advice from Mumsnet.

TinaYouFatLard · 02/10/2021 20:57

Do it!

Then tell me who she is!

Original poster
Cookingrice · 02/10/2021 20:57

Thank you @Noeuf - that’s exactly it, second cousins!

OP posts:
Brokenfurnitureandroses · 02/10/2021 20:58

You have nothing to lose, go for it. She can only say she’s not interested and if she does then you can leave it at that. She’s your second cousin - I know some of my second cousins, as do my children, they know some of theirs.

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 02/10/2021 20:59

I feel like you have no idea why you’re doing this or what you would even say, and you’re expecting people on here to give you a reason to do this or something to say, when there really is neither.

RandomWordGenerator · 02/10/2021 20:59

So your parents were first cousins. That’s not a distant relative, my children know (or know of) all my cousins’ children, some better than others due to distance. (Although DH doesn’t even know all his aunts and uncles’ names as there’s too many, so who knows!)

Nothing ventured nothing gained, the worst is she’ll ignore it, doesn’t sound like you’ll have to bump into her at any family parties. Particularly if she’s been famous quite some time, it’s not as if you’re getting in contact the minute she became famous.

waltzingparrot · 02/10/2021 21:00

She may have heard from all your other lost relatives too WinkGrin

Iloveabourbon2 · 02/10/2021 21:00

@WhenISnappedAndFarted

I've got a similar situation but he's my second cousin. I've not got in touch because I think he'll think that we're only getting in touch because of his status.
I think second cousin is fine.
Pregnantpeppa · 02/10/2021 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VestaTilley · 02/10/2021 21:03

Unless you were friendly or in touch as children then I’d leave it. You may be distantly related but it’s not a close link. Let it go.

MaenadsJustWannaHaveFun · 02/10/2021 21:08

I know many of my second cousins quite well, others less so due to emigration, war and so on.

If any of the "lost" ones got in touch, I'd be really delighted.

Is she a writer? If so, I'd say definitely write to her.

Buttons294749 · 02/10/2021 21:09

Do you mean she's come up in family zoom quizzes as part of the larger group zoom? If so I think that's ok.

SunShinesBrightly · 02/10/2021 21:10

For context, she’s my grandma’s great niece

No. Leave it 😬

SunShinesBrightly · 02/10/2021 21:12

@Disfordarkchocolate

I probably share more DNA with you than they do!
🤣
Original poster
Cookingrice · 02/10/2021 21:13

Our grandparents were siblings, and they were extremely close, which is part of the reason for the query really. I thought how delighted my grandma would be if she thought we got in touch. I guess being famous just makes them more accessible to contact, even though she doesn’t live in this country. I really don’t want anything, and would hate to weird someone out. My motives are purely about connection and family, nothing more. But the responses here make me worry it would just cause grief so I’ll leave it. Thanks all

OP posts:
PinkTonic · 02/10/2021 21:16

@Disfordarkchocolate

I probably share more DNA with you than they do!
Their grandmothers were sisters. I know my second cousins well.

OP you could do it as part of family research, especially as your wider family has spread out.

SunShinesBrightly · 02/10/2021 21:16

Has this famous person got siblings? Are there any other estranged second cousins in your family? If so, are you thinking of contacting them too?

Adarajames · 02/10/2021 21:17

Op. Don’t let the grumpy cynics put you off. Get in touch and say what you’ve said above, that you’ve lost other family members and your grandmother used to talk of her sibling, and how you just wanted to make contact with other family members. That’s hardly weird or wrong, she can then decide if she wants to respond or not. You could find you have a new family member who would relish another relation

StoatMilk · 02/10/2021 21:17

@Feelslikealot

Of course it's fucking weird. Leave the woman alone.
Give over Hmm
Pemba · 02/10/2021 21:18

I don't think second cousin is that distant - often people know their 2nd cousins. I know a few of mine but have only met them a handful of times. Like you, it's due to people moving to different areas.

I don't think there is any harm in sending a friendly message mentioning your mutual relatives. After all it is normal to contact celebs asking for photos, autographs etc, when not related obviously! It's not like you are asking for money or a job or something.

Volhhg · 02/10/2021 21:18

Yes it's fine. The fact that this is a celebrity makes it even easier in a way. Just say that you're proud that she's adding to the family history. It's great embrace it!

Feedingthebirds1 · 02/10/2021 21:19

Do her parents (your father's first cousins) know about his death? It's much easier if they do.

If not, you could email and ask her for contact details for her parents as a first step? Give family information, eg the names of her parents and your father, to show that you're genuine. If she replies with hello second cousin that's fine, if you get a form reply from one of her minions let it go.