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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get in touch with distant famous relative?

207 replies

Cookingrice · 02/10/2021 20:31

I have a very famous distant relative. Through lockdown she’s cropped up a lot in quizzes. The family spread across the country a generation back, no bad feelings. I thought how nice it might be just to make contact, just to say hi, but would that be weird? I don’t want anything from her at all (except maybe a signed photo for the children 🤣). I’ve found their official web page with contact email, obviously not them but might be starting point.

Is it weird? If not what should I say?

For context, she’s my grandma’s great niece.

Thank you - welcome your thoughts!

OP posts:
MiddlesexGirl · 03/10/2021 00:28

@Whitecushion

Say you are researching your family tree. That makes it ok!
This. Say you discovered her on the family tree.

Also, if she's famous I'm sure she's used to getting fanmail. At least fanmail from a (distant) relative is a bit more interesting than the usual stuff.

olidora63 · 03/10/2021 00:32

I have a step sister who married to a very famous person a few years ago .I have had absolutely no contact with her for 30 years …I wouldn’t contact her now .

HeechulOppa · 03/10/2021 00:33

Do it! I research my family tree and I have a famous relative who is about the same relation as the op and her relative. She contacted me! We’re all in touch All the time now and she sent me a lovely message on my birthday. Her bestie is super super famous.

AveryGoodlay · 03/10/2021 01:28

Cookingrice I was just giving my opinion, which you asked for on a public forum. It just sounds like you haven't tried with non famous relatives. My grandpa is 90 and uses the internet/email/WhatsApp/FaceTime.
As a volunteer I've helped many older people keep up to date with technology. Don't assume.

Saoirse82 · 03/10/2021 01:46

@maffhew

Is your grandmas great niece even classed as a relation?
Yes, it really depends on your family size as well. So the OPs grandmother and famous persons grandmother were sisters. My granny's great niece and nephew are like first cousins to us, our parents are first cousins and they are only children so it's a small family. My dad on the other hand is one of 10 children and I don't even know any of his cousins as our family is so huge on that side.
Angrymum22 · 03/10/2021 02:22

I grew up with most of my second cousins. Probably wouldn’t recognise all of them nowadays but would be able to have a comfortable conversation with them.
I have reconnected with most of my first cousins with FB and we all now stay in touch. I recently came across some very old family photos and scanned them onto a family WA, some second cousins are included, since we share great grandparents.

Watchingyou2sleezes · 03/10/2021 02:42

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Touchmybum · 03/10/2021 02:59

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Lofari · 03/10/2021 03:00

I'm guessing Adele

Derbee · 03/10/2021 03:17

I would contact her. Your grannies were siblings, she might love to hear from you. She might not, and she might be suspicious, in which case nothing lost.

Just because you’re famous doesn’t mean that you’re not interested in your family tree and your family story, for goodness sake. I wouldn’t let posters here put you off.

tcjotm · 03/10/2021 03:23

She might be famous but she’s still a person. She’ll either be interested or not, her fame has nothing to do with it beyond making it easier to know what she’s doing.

Go for it. I don’t consider that a distant relationship at all. Your grandparents were siblings. That’s a good enough start.

newfriend05 · 03/10/2021 03:24

I got by the saying you regret what you didn't do more then what you did do... so just do it

QOD · 03/10/2021 03:33

I’m related to Robin Cousins ⛸ in a similar way
I’ve never contacted him but am mesmerised when hes on tv as he’s the spit of my grandma when she was younger lol
I met his dad a few times (great grandparents sibling) but not his parent or him
I don’t think it’d be weird to contact him - I’m not going to but i don’t think it would be weird or creepy

HaileyBailey · 03/10/2021 04:20

It’s not weird to contact her. She’s your second cousin.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/10/2021 04:21

If you were doing a family tree, into genealogy and so on, then I could see a point.
If you've never met or had any contact before then they might just ignore the request, or they might also want to know more about their extended family.
You won't know which unless you try - unless you have interim relatives who you could ask about them first.

But they will probably question your motives, regardless.

HaileyBailey · 03/10/2021 04:21

I wouldn’t keep asking people what they think. Just do it.

MimiDaisy11 · 03/10/2021 05:04

You say they’re easy to contact but that could likely mean they get lots of fan mail. They might have someone dealing with it and never read your message.

However it doesn’t hurt to try. I mean if it’s just a signed picture you want you can often get them just by writing to request one - relative or not.

Whydidimarryhim · 03/10/2021 05:10

Contact her. Why not.
Ignore the cynics on here.
Lots of people get in touch with relatives - long distance - rich or poor.

XelaM · 03/10/2021 07:06

Contact her! Nothing weird about it. I connected with my grandma's distant relatives a few years ago and they were very interested in hearing from me

sbfptw · 03/10/2021 07:27

Grin well said!

Thehouseofmarvels · 03/10/2021 08:01

Why not do a family tree and get in contact with a few other second cousins to offer them a copy of your family tree. Then say to famous relative that you have been contacting relatives as part of a family tree project and she is one of the second cousins you have reached out to. Offer her the tree and maybe if she is responsive ask for the photo.

ManifestingJoy · 03/10/2021 08:04

I would, a short, honest letter, making it clear that family connections mean something to you. You're happy to see she has done so well in life.

I think a lot of famous people deal with ''those they left behind'' not being happy for them.

If she doesn't reply she doesn't reply but if you can deal with that, go ahead and try.

ManifestingJoy · 03/10/2021 08:04

@Thehouseofmarvels

Why not do a family tree and get in contact with a few other second cousins to offer them a copy of your family tree. Then say to famous relative that you have been contacting relatives as part of a family tree project and she is one of the second cousins you have reached out to. Offer her the tree and maybe if she is responsive ask for the photo.
Great Idea!
ManifestingJoy · 03/10/2021 08:08

My Dad found some distant relatives in Canada and when he and my mother went there years ago they got a shock how rich they were. I think he said openly that if he'd known how wealthy they were he would have second guessed himself out of making contact! But they're still in touch and it seems easygoing.

Thehouseofmarvels · 03/10/2021 08:12

My Dad was doing family history online and found a webpage made by someone else desended from a common ancestor. The maker of thr web page did not reply but someone else who commented on the page did. She and him had some nice family history chats and their families had not seen each other since the 1900's! I recently contacted her to ask for and heirlooms she might have for an att project. She sent a photo of a poem by our ancestors brother and I copied a verse out, illustrated it and put in in an exhibition at the local art centre. I may contact my late grandad's cousin as we think he might have some war medals I would love to use for art inspiration. Family history or art projects are good ways to talk to distant relatives.