Are we hopelessly naive? (Neighbour issue)

[Mightysquirrel]

My friend has lived in her house for about a decade and has a friendly relationship with the couple next door. They're not close but they wave and chat if their paths cross. She recently shared her phone number and email with the man of the couple. A few days ago she got a text from him asking if she'd seen his email. So she read his email, he asked for her help with something he called "My life as a pet". She replied saying she'd be happy to help but what did he mean? I'll tell you his reply if anyone's interested but first:

YABU - Were you born yesterday?
YANBU - Maybe he's writing a children's book? (My friend's in publishing)

@Bagelsandbrie

I am so confused by all of this.

Why did she give her phone no and email to someone she barely knows in the first place - especially to the man in the couple?!

Yes, that's the joke!

Why on earth would you give your personal details to neighbours you hardly know? She hasn't given them her date of birth and a key to the house. There's many reasons for giving basic contact details, some of which have been given only a little way up thread. If you're so untrusting as to keep basic contact details firmly secret, you miss out on a lot of help that could be useful.

And the world will seem a lot more hostile place, which will affect your own happiness and feeling of security.

Why on earth would you give your personal details to neighbours you hardly know?

Because I think there is more chance they'll need to contact me to say they've kindly picked up my wheelie bin, or they've noticed a loose roof tile, or to ask if I have a spare egg, or to ask if I could move my car for a few hours as they're jet washing, than them being a cellar dwelling perv.

There’s nothing wrong with the kink itself; no need for all the kink shaming.

There is something wrong with trying to foist it on your neighbour

My 10 year old is currently reading "My Life as a Cat" - I'd just like to say this is an actual (and lovely) children's book, not an account of some weirdo wanting to get in a cage!

no need for all the kink shaming
There is definitely a need for it, we are clearly not shaming kinks enough. Now we got furry "puppy play" in front of children at Pride events.

@Dashinghaberdashery

no need for all the kink shaming There is definitely a need for it, we are clearly not shaming kinks enough. Now we got furry "puppy play" in front of children at Pride events.

Nope. Children shouldn’t be at pride events.

Yeah those pesky kids wanting to look at bright rainbow coloured parades in the daytime in public places....
Pudding.

They are though, and they are being encouraged to interact with nice harmless puppies like these.

Look at this too. Yes, we need to kink shame.
twitter.com/ripx4nutmeg/status/1424718423876120578

If you’re taking your children to that kind of event you should expect to see kinks celebrated. If you’re not okay with that, don’t take them.

Any kink that is not illegal is perfectly valid.

No, it's never ok to expose random people to your kink. Pride wasn't supposed to be about living out your sexual fetish in public, it was supposed to be about LGB rights.

Even if you think that, that doesn’t mean it’s okay to kink shame.

Why not?

Because all kinks that aren’t illegal are valid. The kinks themselves aren’t hurting anyone if it’s consensual.

Like with everything, you have bad apples that take it too far and involve unwilling participants, but there’s nothing wrong with the actual kink itself.

It’s okay to enjoy and find pleasure in whatever you want as long as whoever you’re doing it with finds pleasure too. We shouldn’t make people feel embarrassed about what they like just because other people who also like it behave badly.

@Mightysquirrel

Okay, it seems we were being terribly naive. But first it's not unusual to have your neighbor's numbers around here, she has other people's numbers and so do I. He's not quite a stranger even though they're not friends. She's known him for more than 10 years.

So, he told her he'd like to put a cage in her cellar. He'll be her pet and get in it. He didn't give any more details except to say he's already got a cage. In his cellar I guess. I don't want to think about it too much. She replied that she can't help.
I've met him once or twice and he seemed very ordinary. He's a retired teacher FFS.

Dear Me!! She needs to be careful!

Who gives a shit if something is 'valid'?? How about instead of stating that children shouldn't be at pride... stating that pride shouldn't be held in the middle of the day, in the middle of a town if it is inappropriate for children? Basic safeguarding? What the fuck is wrong with those men that they actually think it's acceptable to have a young child touch them whilst they're acting out their fetish? If they're decent, law abiding men, just innocently partaking in their fetish, why aren't they walking away to protect children from being included in their fetish?

@Supertree That is an entirely separate issue to what we’re talking about. We shouldn’t make people feel embarrassed about what they like just because other people who also like it behave badly.

Goodness my neighbours have my phone no. and I their so we can arrange mutual catsitting! Nothing nasty or tasteless about it.

You stated that children shouldn't be at pride. But they are. I think there needs to actually be a hell of a lot more 'kink shaming'. I don't believe our ideas of what constitutes kink shaming are aligned. Making people feel embarrassed about what they want to do in private - not very nice. Not really something I can get worked up about... I don't believe most of what is labelled kink shaming is actually kink shaming. It's just decent people having strong boundaries around what is and isn't acceptable in public and involving non-consenting adults and children. We're now in a situation where we're told we're kink shaming for pointing out that involving children into your fetish is abusive. You are focusing on how mean it is to hurt someone's feelings. I'm looking at a photo which shows child abuse. Your priorities are all wrong. Boundaries have been eroded to the detriment of our children and need to be firmly put back in place. If that's kink shaming, then tough shit.

@FangsForTheMemory

Goodness my neighbours have my phone no. and I their so we can arrange mutual catsitting! Nothing nasty or tasteless about it.

My DP had a bad experience with catsitting too…when the (to be fair, pretty) neighbour asked him “have you seen my p*ssy?”, she didn’t mean that her tabby was missing . The dirty mare.

Be careful everyone.

@MilesOfSand

I just bought the book " The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker 2 days ago at an estate sale... I'd never heard of it and you posted about if on that very day....as I tend to be extremely gullible and trusting, I am definitely taking this coincidence as a sign that I should read this book..almost kind of spooky😳 Thanks for your words of caution!

@FangsForTheMemory

Goodness my neighbours have my phone no. and I their so we can arrange mutual catsitting! Nothing nasty or tasteless about it.

It's worse for us @FangsForTheMemory.

My neighbour always invites us to the Christmas carol service at her church and once invited us to an animal blessing ceremony which was being held for everyone who had a pet. It was for children really but we are a bit juvenile.

We thought about going along because it sounded sweet and our cat loved a big fuss but we declined because we thought there might be fights and it was a bit early on a Sunday for us.

We obviously had a lucky escape. God knows what they get up to in that church. She not only has our phone numbers, she has our keys too. I'm changing the locks.

[quote Sweetpea1532]@MilesOfSand

I just bought the book " The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker 2 days ago at an estate sale... I'd never heard of it and you posted about if on that very day....as I tend to be extremely gullible and trusting, I am definitely taking this coincidence as a sign that I should read this book..almost kind of spooky😳 Thanks for your words of caution![/quote]
Coincidences like that are so weird aren’t they! Hope you enjoy it / find it interesting (and hopefully don’t need it!).

I should add - I’m all for the emphasis being put on men for not being violent in the first place vs telling women what to do, but what I like about the book is the emphasis on women trusting their instincts / boundaries vs being kind and polite etc!