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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we hopelessly naive? (Neighbour issue)

231 replies

Mightysquirrel · 02/10/2021 13:27

My friend has lived in her house for about a decade and has a friendly relationship with the couple next door. They're not close but they wave and chat if their paths cross. She recently shared her phone number and email with the man of the couple. A few days ago she got a text from him asking if she'd seen his email. So she read his email, he asked for her help with something he called "My life as a pet". She replied saying she'd be happy to help but what did he mean? I'll tell you his reply if anyone's interested but first:

YABU - Were you born yesterday?
YANBU - Maybe he's writing a children's book? (My friend's in publishing)

OP posts:
Dashinghaberdashery · 03/10/2021 20:45

So this man is unhinged enough to write to his neighbour and ask if she wants to part take part in his twisted fetish - that is sexual harassment and worrying.

Bertiebiscuit · 03/10/2021 20:46

He's a weirdo creep - she needs to change her phone number and her email address and grow the f*ck up - beyond naive of her

RantyAunty · 03/10/2021 20:48

Another batshit pervy male
Grim

I'd put the leash and collar on him and take him on a trip to the vet. Snip snip.

Bleachmycloths · 03/10/2021 20:52

Giving your mobile number and email to a married male neighbour seems a very odd thing to do. Why would you do that?

userxx · 03/10/2021 20:56

@Bleachmycloths

Giving your mobile number and email to a married male neighbour seems a very odd thing to do. Why would you do that?

Yep. Why would you do that.

DadAManger · 03/10/2021 20:59

@Bleachmycloths

Giving your mobile number and email to a married male neighbour seems a very odd thing to do. Why would you do that?
They have known their neighbours for 10 years (though not about the pet thing of course). It’s hardly barking to share a phone number.
terrimom · 03/10/2021 21:01

@burritofan

Send him to the vet to be neutered.
lol. Made me laugh today. Sounds like a tame solution. And then delete his number, change hers and don't stop to chat anymore with either half of this couple!
userxx · 03/10/2021 21:06

@DadAManger Very good 😏

TomRaider · 03/10/2021 21:36

My neighbours all have each others numbers, married or not. We also have a street WhatsApp group.

Nothing weird about that. I ask them to put my bin out when we're away and vice versa.

In this case I'd be writing "Dear Neighbour. Thanks but no thanks. Please delete my email address and do not contact me again and certainly not in relation to similar matters. Thankyou Neighbours

AnnieSnap · 03/10/2021 22:13

@Bertiebiscuit

He's a weirdo creep - she needs to change her phone number and her email address and grow the f*ck up - beyond naive of her
Have I missed something. What is naive. My neighbours and I have each other’s numbers. It can be useful. Fortunately, mine are not weird, but I might not have known that at the outset.
Lickedmylollyandneversaidsorry · 03/10/2021 22:18

Barking! Was that deliberate 🤣

Lickedmylollyandneversaidsorry · 03/10/2021 22:21

On a serious note there is plenty of victim blaming going in here. No wonder women blame themselves! Giving out her email and number to a neighbour of 10yrs is hardly an invite for sexual advances.

MereDintofPandiculation · 03/10/2021 22:26

@Cherrysoup

Fetish. I don’t know why people would give the neighbour their number. If you want something, pop round?
All sorts of reasons To save going round in the pissing rain to tell them something, Let them know you've got a parcel for them, So you can keep an eye on each other's houses if one of you is out: "Sorry to disturb you at the restaurant, but there's a couple of people loading the York stone slabs from your patio on to a lorry" Alert them to the couple of youths in hoodies who are currently snooping in back gardens (after you've rung the police).
AnnieSnap · 03/10/2021 22:49

What @MereDintofPandiculation said, plus “our flight has been delayed and our cat sitter will have gone, could you check on them too (ours also have a key, as we have no family near by and friends are not very local)”.

Original poster
Mightysquirrel · 04/10/2021 00:48

@Lickedmylollyandneversaidsorry

On a serious note there is plenty of victim blaming going in here. No wonder women blame themselves! Giving out her email and number to a neighbour of 10yrs is hardly an invite for sexual advances.
There's always a few. I find they're easily ignored though.

Neighbor has been quiet but my friend plans on telling her other neighbors about this.

OP posts:
Gothichouse40 · 04/10/2021 00:54

Why on earth would you give your personal details to neighbours you hardly know? To be honest, your friend needs to be more cautious. I hope she does not end up with bother from this guy.

Derbee · 04/10/2021 01:37

@Gothichouse40 what a ridiculous comment. Our neighbours all put their phone numbers in the first Christmas cards they sent us when we moved in. I’ve never used those details to proposition someone for sex.

Wind your neck in, and fuck off with the victim blaming. Women’s safety is a particularly sore point this week, nobody is to blame but the fucking men causing all this shit

Curerofsouls · 04/10/2021 02:01

Your friend should be able to do a normal rgingvlike pass on her contact details to a neighbour without it being an invitation for weirdos. Id tell his partner the the police, then the whole street dirty fuckerEnvy not envy.

Justilou1 · 04/10/2021 03:29

The police might be interested too. That’s seriously gross.

tiredandmardy · 04/10/2021 04:12

He can bugger right off - dirty bastard. I’d tell my DP and then cut off all contact. I think telling the authorities might be a bit ruff though?

tiredandmardy · 04/10/2021 04:13

Sorry - ROUGH, not RUFF. Autocorrect gets on my tits.

OhDear2200 · 04/10/2021 07:32

@DadAManger Why can’t we actually name what the neighbour does? Why can’t we say this is what being a pet is? Why can’t we say this is what goes through women’s minds when this kind of thing happens and how horrible that is?

If we hide behind generalised language we don’t appreciate the reasons for the fear that women have.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 04/10/2021 09:17

On a serious note there is plenty of victim blaming going in here. No wonder women blame themselves! Giving out her email and number to a neighbour of 10yrs is hardly an invite for sexual advances

Yep... and there have been examples of this kind of thinking since this was posted. I mean

Why on earth would you give your personal details to neighbours you hardly know? To be honest, your friend needs to be more cautious

Do some people live in bubbles where everyone is a potential psychopath and they have no contact with them at all?

Morgysmum · 04/10/2021 10:02

Lol, maybe his wife is treating him like a dog.
She will not let him, sit on the sofa, unless she invites him, 😅 she maybe doesn't let him on the bed either and he has to sleep on a blanket on the floor, with a bowl for his food and water. There is some weird fettish stuff put there, I saw on a TV programme, (so might not be real) that some people like to be pony's and have a rider. Yes as odd as it sounds.