Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we hopelessly naive? (Neighbour issue)

231 replies

Mightysquirrel · 02/10/2021 13:27

My friend has lived in her house for about a decade and has a friendly relationship with the couple next door. They're not close but they wave and chat if their paths cross. She recently shared her phone number and email with the man of the couple. A few days ago she got a text from him asking if she'd seen his email. So she read his email, he asked for her help with something he called "My life as a pet". She replied saying she'd be happy to help but what did he mean? I'll tell you his reply if anyone's interested but first:

YABU - Were you born yesterday?
YANBU - Maybe he's writing a children's book? (My friend's in publishing)

OP posts:
MrsBobDylan · 02/10/2021 15:55

Bloody hell!

I have a really irritating neighbour who pops his head over the fence to patronise/criticise us, but at least he just owns pets and doesn't want to be one.

Your poor friend, I bet she feels really abused in her own home now. I would drop a copy of the email into the Police and let him know that if he ever speaks or even looks at her again, she will follow it up.

reesewithoutaspoon · 02/10/2021 15:55

WTF is wrong with some men honestly. You give them no encouragement yet they feel entitled to do this shit.
I bought my first home. The couple seemed nice, they left some xmas decorations in the attic so I told estate agent that if they wanted to come pick them up before I binned them it would be fine. Bloke turns up and while my back is turned getting the stuff from the back room he starts making inappropriate comments and some disgusting suggestions. I turfed him out.

DragonDoor · 02/10/2021 16:00

*SGChome20

Wondergirl100
I would report him to the police. Without a second thought.

What do you expect the police to do?? Sounds like him and possibly the wife have a kink that isn’t ‘mainstream’ so what! Admittedly it’s maybe not the best idea asking the neighbour as it’s hard to avoid them if you don’t get the answer you want but unless they continue to harass your friend then no harm done really is there. Generally people in the kink world respect peoples boundaries more than mainstream, that’s been my experience at least*

But OP’s friend isn’t part of the kink world??She passed on her email address because they are neighbours, not because she wants to facilitate his sexual fantasies.

To go from waving on the path to that is extreme. It’s very worrying and indicates he does not understand boundaries at all. It’s certainly worth contacting the police.

He has told an practical stranger he has a cage to keep people in! Who is to say it won’t escalate.

Penistoe · 02/10/2021 16:01

To be fair I wouldn’t have jumped to pervert if he didn’t show any other signs. However I wouldn’t have said yes or gave any sign i would help until I had a full explanation.

It is beyond strange he would ask, I meant it’s a pretty niche fetish right? The chances of finding someone into it are slim, them living next door is practically zero. That makes me think he also gets off on the asking. Gets off on freaking out women. A line between weird perv and dangerous perv.

EscapeTheCastle · 02/10/2021 16:02

What the hell.
Report to police.(they or may not help although they should)

Your friend has not invited this.
He's getting off on even just sending that email and text.
He could go on the internet to find someone like minded if he wanted to.

TheQueef · 02/10/2021 16:04

He only just got her contact details.
That's why the sudden escalation.
In his mind this has played out many times over, for God knows how long.
A bit worrying imo.
Eurgh.

DamnUserName21 · 02/10/2021 16:06

Hahaha.
It takes all sorts.
I would be quite happy to lock a man in a cage in my cellar (if I had one!)---for a fee, of course. Grin

Changechangychange · 02/10/2021 16:07

@TheOrigRights

Maybe ‘My life as a pet’ is code for this of thing, in the same way that inviting someone in for coffee, doesn’t mean just coffee

WHAT?
What does it mean if I invite someone in for a coffee?

Is tea OK?

I have the phone numbers of 5 of my immediate 7 neighbours.
We don't have cellars so I think I'm OK Grin

Inviting a friend round for a coffee during daylight hours is fine, and just means “a coffee”.

It is being walked back from a date late at night, snogging them on the doorstep and then inviting them inside “for a coffee” that implies “and some sex”.

DragonDoor · 02/10/2021 16:08

@Penistoe

To be fair I wouldn’t have jumped to pervert if he didn’t show any other signs. However I wouldn’t have said yes or gave any sign i would help until I had a full explanation.

It is beyond strange he would ask, I meant it’s a pretty niche fetish right? The chances of finding someone into it are slim, them living next door is practically zero. That makes me think he also gets off on the asking. Gets off on freaking out women. A line between weird perv and dangerous perv.

This is very likely to be part of it, so it does make him dangerous.
godmum56 · 02/10/2021 16:11

pampas grass......there's a blast from the past......and no I never grew any in my garden, but when we moved here, there were a few gardens with it in Grin

BrownCurlsAmberEyes · 02/10/2021 16:11

@TheQueef

Pervert. It always is.
First post always nails it Grin
MurielSpriggs · 02/10/2021 16:12

Report to police.(they or may not help although they should)

If course they won't and shouldn't, because they can't! No crime has been committed.

Kiduknot · 02/10/2021 16:13

I wonder what his pet name would be

Wizzbangfizz · 02/10/2021 16:14

Fucking grim

godmum56 · 02/10/2021 16:15

but yes I do think he may have "misread" her giving him her details. At this stage, while creepy, he has done nothing illegal...there are plenty of "niche" interests that are not illegal between consenting adults....but...well saying she'd be happy to help and asking for more info....bit of an innocent miscommunication I an thinking.

godmum56 · 02/10/2021 16:16

@Wizzbangfizz

Fucking grim
that's a bit judgy
AlthoughTheyFlyByJumboJet · 02/10/2021 16:20

Seems very strange that he'd assume she'd be open this arrangement, if they're only casual acquaintances. I guess he's not worried about his wife finding out, either, or the whole neighbourhood learning about his strange proclivities.

And I don't care if it's "judgy", he's weird. If someone likes to pretend to be a pet in a crate, that's his business, but it's also my right to think he's a weirdo for liking that. The moment he imposes his fetish on an unwilling participant (inviting someone to join in out of the blue is imposing), he's even more of a weirdo. Potentially a dangerous weirdo.

DragonDoor · 02/10/2021 16:21

@MurielSpriggs

Report to police.(they or may not help although they should)

If course they won't and shouldn't, because they can't! No crime has been committed.

It’s up to the police to decide if charges can be made.

Likely it will fall under under ‘malicious communications’.

west-midlands.police.uk/your-options/malicious-communications

godmum56 · 02/10/2021 16:23

but its not malicious.....

Original poster
Mightysquirrel · 02/10/2021 16:24

I'm afraid I feel very judgy about this.

OP posts:
Veuvelily · 02/10/2021 16:27

I’d have to move

DragonDoor · 02/10/2021 16:27

It could well be malicious.

He could be getting off on sending the email and making her uncomfortable. They are neighbours after all. He even asked her in person if she got the email.

HardStaringBearFromDarkestPeru · 02/10/2021 16:33

Maybe he's a sub & is looking for a new mistress?

Aquamarine1029 · 02/10/2021 16:35

@DragonDoor

It could well be malicious.

He could be getting off on sending the email and making her uncomfortable. They are neighbours after all. He even asked her in person if she got the email.

Of course it's malicious. The second the twat got her email he sent her that message, knowing full well how grossly inappropriate it was to do so. He's getting off at the thought of her shock and discomfort. The dirty pig.
burritofan · 02/10/2021 16:37

that's a bit judgy
FFS. It’s OK to judge a man who sexually propositions a neighbour who’s given no explicit sign she’s open to such a move, and that applies whether his proposition is plain sex or cellar gimp.