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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked DH to buy my youknows?

366 replies

FrankieDobie · 02/10/2021 08:41

Is it unreasonable able to ask a man to buy youknows when they are going out to the shop anyway? It’s not an extra trip, to buy whilst already there?

OP posts:
MakingM · 02/10/2021 10:03

@ramonaquimby

christ. the schoolyard bullies are out in force this morning.
Truly.

I’m going to listen to a romance podcast to cleanse my mind. There’s only so much earnest language policing I can take.

OP asked if it was ok to ask someone male to buy her you-knows while they were in the shop anyway and the answer is clearly a resounding yes, regardless of what she calls them.

Hattie765 · 02/10/2021 10:03

Do you mean tampons? Absolutely YANBU, I don't think I could be with a man who had a problem with this. I've sent my DH out for them hundreds of times and he's never batted an eyelid. Tbh I've sent him out to get me much worse than that, especially when I was pregnant 😂

MilduraS · 02/10/2021 10:05

@FlyingWhistle

Husband is happy to buy tampax but he said he gets embarrassed buying condoms in case someone he knows sees him... we have two children, I think people Probably already know we have sex 🤣
My DH is the same! Sanitary products, no issues at all but buying condoms makes him feel like a teenager.
caketiger · 02/10/2021 10:05

Really 'youknows' come on, I'm wondering if the fact you treat towels or tampons as such an embarrassing thing might have some bearing on your issue.

Real men. Buy towels and tampons. Cry. Feel emotion. Do what a loving and supportive partner should do.

Chaoplexatologist · 02/10/2021 10:05

What a truly nasty thread full of insults and insinuations.

We should be here to support each other - you all knew exactly what the OP meant but you just couldn't resist trying to show OP up, and/or embarrass her.

OP, you didn't deserve this, you have done nothing wrong.

Women getting angry with other women and taking the opportunity to follow the gang, over something so trivial, shameful bullying behaviour. Grow up!

LakieLady · 02/10/2021 10:07

@WellLarDeDar

'youknows'? .. reallllyyy??

Normally I'd say it's completely fine for partners/husbands to pick up sanitary items for ladies. What about single fathers who have teen daughters?

But if you're too embarrassed to say tampon then you're only feeding into the embarrassment and I don't blame him for being too embarrassed to get them for you.

Youknows is so cringey. I feel so cringey right now.

TAMPON!!!!!!

I used to know someone who was a single father of a daughter from the time she was 2. She was too embarrassed to tell him when her periods started. She spoke to her friend's mum, who told him.

He was really angry with himself that he hadn't realised she was likely to start menstruating (she was 11, and I think that was still early for menarche in the early '80s), hadn't discussed it with her etc. But thereafter he'd always make sure there was a full pack of towels in the bathroom cupboard and that she knew if she wanted a different type, or tampons, she only had to ask.

Hotelhelp · 02/10/2021 10:08

Anyone else tempted to text their DH and ask him to pick up some ‘you knows’ when they’re out just to see the response Grin

Riada · 02/10/2021 10:09

@Chaoplexatologist

What a truly nasty thread full of insults and insinuations.

We should be here to support each other - you all knew exactly what the OP meant but you just couldn't resist trying to show OP up, and/or embarrass her.

OP, you didn't deserve this, you have done nothing wrong.

Women getting angry with other women and taking the opportunity to follow the gang, over something so trivial, shameful bullying behaviour. Grow up!

Oh, don’t be silly. Posters are just pointing out to the OP that as an adult, she needs to move beyond her mothers internalised shame and misogyny about menstruation. Especially so that she doesn’t pass it onto her children of either sex.
PlonkyWillyWonky · 02/10/2021 10:13

Why are you linking to her previous post @MrsLargeEmbodied?

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 02/10/2021 10:14

My first time was buying some tampax for my then gf in 1976. The chemist kept them behind the counter so I had to ask. The female assistant did a double-take...

It's bizarre and sad to think that 45 years later it's still an embarrassment for some.

CharityDingle · 02/10/2021 10:20

@TracyLords

If I asked DH to buy me some “you knows” he’d probably buy me some donuts
@TracyLords I like your husband's thinking! Grin
MrsLargeEmbodied · 02/10/2021 10:22

@PlonkyWillyWonky

i was asking for an update from the thread that @FrankieDobie never came back to

HipHopanonymous · 02/10/2021 10:41

I asked DH what he'd buy me if I asked him to pick me up so you knows and he did this Confused and said 65 bars of chocolate.

Suplexqueen · 02/10/2021 10:42

That's why they are colour coded!!!

EishetChayil · 02/10/2021 10:47

Youknows!

This is precisely why I am teaching my daughter the actual words for bodily functions, and telling her that there is absolutely no shame in the fact that she will bleed for several days each month as part of a perfectly natural cycle.

We're really caught between a rock and a hard place at the moment. Menstruation unspeakable on the one hand because of twee embarrassment, and menstruation uncoupled from femalehood due to TRA lobbying.

StripyHorse · 02/10/2021 10:53

@PrivateHall

If you cannot even bring yourself to say the correct words online then you cannot really expect DH to buy them can you Confused
🤣🤣 I thought this too.

And perhaps DH doesn't know.

girlmom21 · 02/10/2021 10:55

@FrankieDobie

Wow so much anger over a simple word! 😳 my mum always called them that so I’ve grown up calling them that, sorry!

It’s just like DH was brought up calling his glasses his gogs. And my stepdad calls the tv remote the dofer

Ah so you're a whole family of children? How lovely SmileBiscuit
YourFinestPantaloons · 02/10/2021 10:56

PERIODS

TAMPONS

BLOOD

SANITARY TOWELS

VAGINAS!!!!!!

There we go - everyone still alive? No one has suffered third degree burns from me saying that? Good. Anyway.

Please stop being so fucking regressive OP and creating shame around sanitary products. Normalise it by not saying "YouKnows". Normalise it by getting your DH to buy some. You'd ask him to buy toilet roll after all. And if he's squeamish, ask yourself why - because if men think period products should be kept on the DL, it's because they don't like to be reminded that sometimes vaginas are for something other than sticking their dick in

YourFinestPantaloons · 02/10/2021 10:57

I did Grin at "do you mean Uno" 😂😂

girlmom21 · 02/10/2021 10:59

I have to ask... how did you show him the picture? Did Google know what youknows were?

YourFinestPantaloons · 02/10/2021 10:59

@FrankieDobie

Wow so much anger over a simple word! 😳 my mum always called them that so I’ve grown up calling them that, sorry!

It’s just like DH was brought up calling his glasses his gogs. And my stepdad calls the tv remote the dofer

Too right there's anger. Gogs and doofers are short for their actual names. "youKnows" is not short for tampons, it's phrased like that because the message is "let's talk in code because the real word is shameful". Is steeped in misogyny - and I'm agog that in 2021 women still won't use the word tampon.
YourFinestPantaloons · 02/10/2021 11:02

@girlmom21

I have to ask... how did you show him the picture? Did Google know what youknows were?
I'm laughing at the thought of OP not being able to say tampons so she shamefully Google's it Grin

My Nanna never used to say lesbians. But she would be 100 if she were alive so I would give her a bit of a pass. A woman still young enough menstruate too embarrassed to type 'tampons' on a women's forum seriously needs to grow up

TurnipTales · 02/10/2021 11:06

My partner calls tampons cunt plugs.

Sillawithans · 02/10/2021 11:09

Mine buys mine for, I never buy my own.

Sprostongreen21 · 02/10/2021 11:09

I’d rather have the Prosecco Grin