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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have asked DH to buy my youknows?

366 replies

FrankieDobie · 02/10/2021 08:41

Is it unreasonable able to ask a man to buy youknows when they are going out to the shop anyway? It’s not an extra trip, to buy whilst already there?

OP posts:
Workinghardeveryday · 02/10/2021 18:16

I think it is so lovely how many men ‘think’ on their own to buy them, and treats!!! My dp would not think to do that in a million years, would go to the shop at 2am if asked to buy them, no embarrassment whatsoever - why would he be?...

If I am due on his reaction instead to buy products or treats would be, ffs she is going to be well moody for a good week 😂

Animum2 · 02/10/2021 18:40

My dh has no problem getting them for me

BashfulClam · 02/10/2021 23:13

I’m so glad my gran was a nurse so talked about them openly with my mum who did the same with me. My husband would go out for them but i tend to keep on top of making sureI have a stash. He did say he’d need exact instructions on what ones to buy including a helpful picture if possible. My dad thought it was sibetning dirty, shameful and taboo. I once said the word period and he snapped at me as if I’d said a swear word. I left a backing strip from a pad in the bathroom and he told me mother to have a word with me as ‘what if get big brother saw that?’ She told him to not be so stupid and as two women in the house had periods then she was sure my brother already knew we would both be using sanitary products.

Macncheeseballs · 02/10/2021 23:18

Turniptales, I don't think cunt plugs is a harmless juvenile joke, he will pass that on to his sons, you know that

Shallwegoforawalk · 02/10/2021 23:29

@ImaginaryCat

The difference with calling the TV remote the doofer, is because that's just a daft word. Whereas 'you knows' obviously stems from saying "you know what" because your mother thought menstruation was a dirty and shameful thing that shouldn't be mentioned.

And now by continuing this ridiculous habit, you're perpetuating that shame. Please tell me you don't have daughters. Or sons. A guinea pig would be fine.

^ this

It's continuing the internalised misogyny that surrounds menstruation.
Reminds me of idiotic blokes in the 80's thinking that "what can bleed for five days straight and survive" was the funniest "joke" ever HmmHmmHmm

Stop it OP. It's ridiculous.

Macncheeseballs · 02/10/2021 23:33

Teenage boys get these crude phrases from somewhere, possibly the parents

fantasmasgoria1 · 02/10/2021 23:43

My Fiance had been out several times to get sanitary wear for me. He knows my preferred brand and which ones to get if they are not available. He said its no different from other shopping! I would get anything he needed!

MurielSpriggs · 03/10/2021 00:29

You-knows are what you shove up your thingie when you're having your whatsname.

KingdomScrolls · 03/10/2021 00:42

YABU because he might've had no idea what you were asking for and come back with a net of tangerines.

I was in the supermarket last week and saw two men one in his sixties the other thirties, pushing a small trolley containing two packs of always nighttime, a box of Tampax and a tub of Ben and Jerry's, nothing more. They were chatting away to each other and heading further down the aisle, I was tempted to follow to see what else made up that shopping trip.

Most men are quite happy to buy sanitary items OP even my 70+ father. They just need you to actually say what you want.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 03/10/2021 01:20

@FrankieDobie

Wow so much anger over a simple word! 😳 my mum always called them that so I’ve grown up calling them that, sorry!

It’s just like DH was brought up calling his glasses his gogs. And my stepdad calls the tv remote the dofer

What fresh hell is this? Dofer? Gogs??
themidnighttrain · 03/10/2021 01:29

I think the reaction to the word is that it sounds very much like you're embarrassed to bleed, @FrankieDobie. Maybe you're not, but it gives that impression, and that's why people have had their backs up.

You should never ask someone to do something you're not prepared to do yourself, and if you can't say the word out loud, it's wrong to ask your OH to go do it instead.

However, I accept that this may be some strange family quirk that I don't get, because I'm not related!

In general, I think if a man is old enough to be in relationship with a menstruating woman, he's old enough to go to the supermarket and pick up a box of tampons/sanitary towels, albeit with a clear set of instructions as to what brand/flow/type. Any man who is too embarrassed to buy sanitary protection isn't mature enough to ever have sex with the woman who has asked him to go to the shops.

If no clear instructions are given, I don't think it's reasonable to buy anything. All women are different, and the type of sanitary protection I need, and on which days, could be totally different to the female poster above/below me in this thread. I wouldn't get it right for another woman without being told, so it's a bit much to expect a man to guess.

Lilolily · 03/10/2021 02:58

My mum called them wimwams!
Drove me up the wall.

FateHasRedesignedMost · 03/10/2021 04:10

My DH will (and even send me photos of the shelf to check he’s got the right ones) but my Dad wouldn’t (my mum was amazed my DH buys TAMPAX in Tesco 😂

Apparently my dad did nip out to buy her some maternity pads when she ran out. But it was the 80s and he had to ask for them over the pharmacy counter so was mortified!

furbabymama87 · 03/10/2021 08:04

@FrankieDobie

Is it unreasonable able to ask a man to buy youknows when they are going out to the shop anyway? It’s not an extra trip, to buy whilst already there?
1/10 for effort. At least you got the reaction you wanted.
diddl · 03/10/2021 09:39

Was this all to get a reaction to "youknows" then?

Op never did say how her husband reacted.

Goshitstricky · 03/10/2021 09:46

Women supporting women at its finest as always. Hmm

Whatever you call them, your husband knows what you meant and I'm assuming since you started a thread it's because he was uncomfortable buying them??
This is the problem, not your terminology, I had an ex who wouldn't buy them and I would always roll my eyes and ask " do you think the cashier will think they're for you?" And he would them feel like a berk and shuffle off to get them.

TertiusLydgate · 03/10/2021 09:57

The terminology absolutely is a problem.

As others have said, it reinforces the view that menstruation is embarrassing, that we should try to keep it hidden, that we shouldn’t talk about it.

So I say the reaction to the OP’s ludicrous terminology is absolutely correct.

hedgehogger1 · 03/10/2021 10:01

Get yourself a moon cup, then you never have to youknow again

PiscesScot · 03/10/2021 10:03

Wow so much anger over a simple word! 😳 my mum always called them that so I’ve grown up calling them that, sorry!

But presumably you know that the rest of us weren’t part of your childhood, so using the actual name would be more sensible

shouldistop · 03/10/2021 10:05

Genuinely never heard of youknows. You're not being u to ask him to buy you sanitary items though.

TertiusLydgate · 03/10/2021 10:06

Mooncups are no good if you have heavy periods.

I can fill one up in 10 minutes and then the mess trying to empty it is horrendous.

DemBonesDemBones · 03/10/2021 10:08

I don't know why you calling sanitary products 'youknows' has enraged me so much but it has. If you asked your Husband for them using that word I can see why he said no. Do you have Daughters?

MintyGreenDream · 03/10/2021 10:09

Dh had to a run to the shop for tampons when we'd only been dating a few weeks and I'd unexpectedly come on.He didn't bat an eyelid as he's got a mum and 2 sisters

Bookworm65 · 03/10/2021 10:10

Yes, both my husband and sons will buy them for me, but YABVU to call them 'you knows'

oakleydo · 03/10/2021 10:27

Youknows for aunty flo?

Period
Menstruation
Tampons
Sanitary pads
Period products
Menstruation products

Say those words. Normal words