Help me write an email to this rude colleague

[Confused4313]

This colleague is young and in charge of the stationary supplies in place of work. I would say I’m her senior rather than other way around - this is just for context.

She’s been quite short tempered with me quite a few times. Yesterday for example I went to take a laminator and just said I might buy one for home too as they’re useful for kids stuff and she just snapped telling me that’s not anything to do with her and it’s my business not hers! I didn’t say anything as I was a little shocked at how she spoke to me. I’ve woken up angry (I do this a lot I don’t say anything in the moment but it festers over time).

What shall I do: email her now and just say stop being so ill tempered with me or wait till Monday and send email? I’m part time so I won’t be back in work till middle of next week and I won’t be so angry then and will let it go as usual

I wouldn’t email her. It would be better to say something in the moment, so if she’s rude again, ask her if she meant to be so rude.

I certainly wouldn't send an email at the weekend and certainly not when you're feeling angry about it. Why not say something next time she's rude? You could just say something like there's no need to talk to me like that. How many times has she been rude?

I wouldn't say anything about what has passed. If it happens again I would say something on the spot. Like 'no need to snap at me'.

Blimey I think you must work with me! Our Stationery Stasi is Karen (not an insult it's her actual name) not the same person is it?

Wait til next week, strap on a pair and tell her in person

It's the week-end, don't email a member of staff and have a go at them at the week-end, call her in for a supervision and document everything.

Why email her?
Just speak to her and ask her if everything is OK as she seems a bit short with you
Don't make a mountain out of a molehill

Neither. It would be petty to bring this up in an email. Just say something in person if she does it again, perhaps the old MN classic ‘did you mean to be so rude’.

Deal with in person. An email is weird.

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

It's the week-end, don't email a member of staff and have a go at them at the week-end, call her in for a supervision and document everything.

You can't just call random people you don't manage in for a supervision

Don’t email. Is it really worth the bad feeling?
Wait until next time and tell her to stop to her face.

Neither as you like petty and she evidence to show her boss of your bullying especially if sent at the weekend. Next time at the time it happens just say don't be rude to me. Dont get into an argument about this and certainly not by email

Maybe just don't make idle chit chat. She obviously doesn't like it.
Don't hide behind an email, don't ' pull rank'.
Some people are just grumpy. Just get your pens/ notebooks, thank her and go

The thing is I’m very quiet and can’t stand up for myself. Everytime I go into her office she literally snarls at me. I don’t think I can say anything in person. Okay won’t email but maybe I’ll ask her if she’s okay as she’s been quite short tempered over past several interactions - how does this sound? It’s really unprofessional as I tend to not go in and get stuff and been buying my own stuff for job

Dont send an email. Just deal with it there and then next time.

You will look like a loon if you email it especially at the weekend.

Thank you everyone! Yes I won’t email. How can do you deal with this awful feeling of being annoyed at yourself fit not having balls and dealing with it then and there? I’m really upset and I know it’s not normal being this sensitive

At my first office job the stationery 'minder' was so strict. He insisted that if you wanted a new pen then you had to bring the old empty one. If you'd lost it, then tough no new pen. And if you wanted a pencil, you had to bring a stump back too. He'd judge whether it was 'stumpy enough' to warrant a new one.

Don't send an email, be ridiculously polite to her next time. As Michelle Obama said 'rise above'

Don’t email. Be ready with a reply next time she’s rude. Worth bearing in mind she shouldn’t be rude like that but it’s probably about her more than about you, and she was having a really rubbish time for whatever reason.

To be honest I probably wouldn't even say anything to her and just keep your interaction brief and entirely to the point. Eg X I need to use the laminator please. Thank you. Nothing more.

@Confused4313

The thing is I’m very quiet and can’t stand up for myself. Everytime I go into her office she literally snarls at me. I don’t think I can say anything in person. Okay won’t email but maybe I’ll ask her if she’s okay as she’s been quite short tempered over past several interactions - how does this sound? It’s really unprofessional as I tend to not go in and get stuff and been buying my own stuff for job

I think you should try to work on yourself and assertiveness to be honest because i cant imagine using my own money to buy something that should be, and is, provided at work just because of 1 grumpy person.

Don’t email her. The time to react was face to face in the moment. Anything else just makes you look petty.

Stop making small talk with her if she’s rude when you do. Be polite but only discuss what you actually need to speak to her about. If she’s constantly rude to the point of being unprofessional then raise it with her manager if you don’t feel able to challenge it directly

@Confused4313

The thing is I’m very quiet and can’t stand up for myself. Everytime I go into her office she literally snarls at me. I don’t think I can say anything in person. Okay won’t email but maybe I’ll ask her if she’s okay as she’s been quite short tempered over past several interactions - how does this sound? It’s really unprofessional as I tend to not go in and get stuff and been buying my own stuff for job

You can stand up for yourself and you must or else she’ll walk all over you. She obviously doesn’t think you’re senior to her or she wouldn’t do it. Your suggestion is rubbish I’m afraid, you need to speak to her in the exact tone she speaks to you and point out her responses are rude and inappropriate in an office setting. Every single time.

Next time just go in, say what you want, take it and walk out. Give the same energy back.

Rather than deal with this time via email, make a plan for the next time and deal with it on the spot.

So maybe ask to speak to her in private and say something like

“X did you realise what you said was abrupt and rude, this isn’t the first time, last week you said Y. I would appreciate that from now on you don’t speak to me like that again”.

I suspect she is likely to get defensive and dismissive if you do pull her up (absolutely typical human behaviour on being called out) so just repeat what you have said and tell her “I have told you the problem I am experiencing, it is now down to you whether you take it onboard.” And don’t steer off your message.

Afterwards it is likely that you won’t be having the office chit chat with her as she will be smarting from you calling her out on her behaviour so only professional chat from you from there on out.

I wouldn't email either, next time she says something rude just say "don't speak to me like that".

Is she like this with everyone else? I’d just keep it transactional from now. Don’t email...