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Original poster

Help me write an email to this rude colleague

152 replies

Confused4313 · 02/10/2021 08:27

This colleague is young and in charge of the stationary supplies in place of work. I would say I’m her senior rather than other way around - this is just for context.

She’s been quite short tempered with me quite a few times. Yesterday for example I went to take a laminator and just said I might buy one for home too as they’re useful for kids stuff and she just snapped telling me that’s not anything to do with her and it’s my business not hers! I didn’t say anything as I was a little shocked at how she spoke to me. I’ve woken up angry (I do this a lot I don’t say anything in the moment but it festers over time).

What shall I do: email her now and just say stop being so ill tempered with me or wait till Monday and send email? I’m part time so I won’t be back in work till middle of next week and I won’t be so angry then and will let it go as usual

OP posts:
snowblack · 02/10/2021 12:03

Writing an email will make you seem like a lunatic. Next time she is being rude, just open your mouth and talk to her ffs.

Chloemol · 02/10/2021 12:10

Dint email her. Let it go this time

However be ready for when she does it again. Then just quietly turn round and say, again quietly but forcefully

Please don’t speak to me like that, it’s rude and offensive to me. If you carry on I am going to have to take matters further

Pick up your things and go

Livingtothefull · 02/10/2021 12:11

I agree that you should not send her an email as that could backfire. You should deal with this either face to face or by reporting her to management. It is really up to you which you decide to do.

The thing is that her behaviour could be classified as bullying. It is repeated behaviour, and it is causing you distress. This is true regardless of the fact that she is junior to you - 'bullying upwards' is very much a thing and it is common.

You have some really good advice here about how to respond to her if she does this again and phraseology to use. However based on what you have stated I think that you have enough now to report her behaviour to management - probably your own manager initially. Or you can discuss with HR and also ask them for their anti-bullying policy.

If you report, make sure you have records of recent incidents, dates, what was said etc. Do that anyway even if you decide not to report her now.

Don't feel ashamed in any way, a lot of people would struggle with this. Yes it is good to work on assertiveness for your own development, but the workplace is supposed to provide a safe environment for ALL staff, not just the 'assertive' ones. The onus is ultimately on management not you to fix this, other people may be suffering from her behaviour as well.

Heyiam · 02/10/2021 12:18

Next time she’s rude reply
‘Are you intentionally trying to be rude or does it just come naturally?’

Loud enough so other people can here

Joolsin · 02/10/2021 12:24

@MacMahon

(I remember the difference between stationary (not moving) and stationery by thinking of e standing for envelopes).
Yes I remember it the same way.
BoredZelda · 02/10/2021 12:44

How can do you deal with this awful feeling of being annoyed at yourself fit not having balls and dealing with it then and there?

You find the ability to deal with it there and then. Do if for the first time and it gets easier every time after that. If you are in a senior role, you should be able to deal with people.

BoredZelda · 02/10/2021 12:45

I remember the difference between stationary (not moving) and stationery by thinking of e standing for envelopes

My cAr is stationAry.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 02/10/2021 12:46

yes
stationary car
stationery pen

tsmainsqueeze · 02/10/2021 13:23

I'm fantasising about being in charge of the stationary supplies .
I bet you just can't help yourself being a bitch in this role, i would be so mad if anyone dared mess up the neat regimented order of the cupboard on my watch !
All that lovely smooth paper , and new pens, and perfect sharp pencils....

tsmainsqueeze · 02/10/2021 13:24

Stationery !

Becca19962014 · 02/10/2021 13:40

@MrsLargeEmbodied

yes stationary car stationery pen
Unfortunately my autocorrect doesn't agree! Apologies for not do be checking. I can spell really!
Strawbsaturno · 02/10/2021 15:03

@tsmainsqueeze

I'm fantasising about being in charge of the stationary supplies . I bet you just can't help yourself being a bitch in this role, i would be so mad if anyone dared mess up the neat regimented order of the cupboard on my watch ! All that lovely smooth paper , and new pens, and perfect sharp pencils....
I did it once… it was shit and I couldn’t get rid of the task fast enough. Rude as this woman is I’m a bit in awe of her not giving a shit working out who ordered what type of wire bound pads and which pens needs to be saved for who. Wish I’d had the balls to do that.
MajorCarolDanvers · 02/10/2021 15:05

@PlonkyWillyWonky

Why email her? Just speak to her and ask her if everything is OK as she seems a bit short with you Don't make a mountain out of a molehill
Do this.

Don't email at the weekend it's a really shitty thing to do.

Bellyups · 02/10/2021 15:06

I’m sorry op but you really need to grow a pair. You can’t have people being rude to you, and if you don’t start standing up for yourself this will literally be your life. Hmm

MissMaple82 · 02/10/2021 15:07

Wtf ... seriously, get over yourself. Its like your itching for an argument ot demanding am apology. Move on and just don't converse with her

VainAbigail · 02/10/2021 15:12

I would say I’m her senior rather than other way around

If you were, you’d know and as you don’t know, you’re not. So have a word with her actual supervisor if it’s bothering you so much.

Smashingspinster · 02/10/2021 15:26

Wait until next time, take a deep breath and explain that her tone and attitude are unacceptable and that you will escalate this if it does not improve.

beastlyslumber · 02/10/2021 15:28

You don't have to be rude, aggressive or confrontational. Just calmly state that you don't like being spoken to in that way. You can repeat it as many times as needed. Don't get drawn into justifying yourself.

You: Please don't speak to me that way.
Her: What way? What are you talking about?
You: I don't want you to speak to me that way again.
Her: I haven't spoken to you in any way.
You: Don't speak to me that way. Thank you. If you use that language or tone with me in future, I'll have no choice but to take the matter further.

beastlyslumber · 02/10/2021 15:29

@MrsLargeEmbodied

yes stationary car stationery pen
E for Envelope
Theunamedcat · 02/10/2021 15:36

I accidentally dealt with someone who acted like this I was busy dealing with something while she was snarling off at me about something (no idea what) and I said seriously? (To the inanimate object) she thought I was talking to her cranked it up a notch I said can you unknot yourself some other time please I'm CLEARLY busy here she never bothered with me again

brokenbiscuitsx · 03/10/2021 07:43

The stationary woman who doesn’t move and stays on the same spot lol.

Quitelikeacatslife · 03/10/2021 08:35

Stick to facts, re order what you need and put in special instructions where and when it is to be kept for you. If she is arsey say "I need this to do my job, I don't want to have to re order again" she obviously doesn't want to chat at all, that's fine, keep it basic and functional and you be professionally pleasant only. If she is rude stick to what you need from her ie- the stationary maybe "am I inconveniencing you?"
It's probably that she hates this part of her job and it perhaps makes her feel menial.

ThinWomansBrain · 03/10/2021 08:51

glad I'm not the only one reading this and getting more and more irked by the number of posters that are unaware of the correct spelling of stationery.

3scape · 03/10/2021 08:54

I wouldn't make an email as perhaps she's getting a kick out of thinking she's terribly cutting. Pull her up on it when she next says something. The usual thing would be to point out it's a shame she's not got a team personality . Managing stationery may be her best area

UnsuitableHat · 03/10/2021 09:01

Sorry, not read everything, but don't email her about this. Speak to her or, if you don't really want to do that, just be very detached and only communicate with her as necessary.