Do you hear from your partner when they're out

[logsinforthewinter]

In my last relationship : my ex and I were in contact throughout the night when out with friends . General chat on text ..
New partner ... nothing . Until he is going home , saying goodnight .
AIBU. To think this is shit?
We doNot live together

Thanks. Just something new so getting used to it ! My relationship
Was unhealthy and codependent so it's all I knew. Relieved to read all posts telling me that this is totally
Normal . Thanks!

TBH I really CBA with text conversations. I find them a faff and an imposition. I would far rather have a real conversation in person or on the phone.

I love and trust DH, and especially since covid where we spend 24/7 with each other, I find it refreshing for us to be apart for a few hours.

No, not until he is leaving unless he has some news that he knows I’d be interested in. I do the same with him.

When I was younger I had really bad anxiety and checked in with him all the time when I was out as it made me feel safer/less anxious. Thankfully not the case any more.

No, unless to say on way back etc. It’s rude on the people they are out with and I’d find it controlling if expected to text when I was with others.

Nope, in fact he currently works away mon-fri and I don't hear from him at all unless there is a particular reason

Back when we were young and drunk I probably sent some soppy shit later into the night but over a decade in it's now just texting the other about coming how arrangements.

All the best for the new relationship, OP great that you recognise the issues with the last - it definitely doesn't have to be that way.

*coming home

If dh is out, I hear nothing until:"leaving now".

If I'm out, dh will get bored and lonely and a bit needy and try to ask me things like:"what's it like?". Which I will generally ignore until I send:"leaving now. "

I don't want to sit in my phone whilst I am on a night out, equally, I don't want to hear from DH.

Go and have fun!

Usually just the 'heading home' text, although not always

Try and picture this from other end. Say you are out with friends and half the night they have their phones out messaging partners, how irritating would that be? Absolutely not necessary unless to update on time expected home

@vdbfamily

Try and picture this from other end. Say you are out with friends and half the night they have their phones out messaging partners, how irritating would that be? Absolutely not necessary unless to update on time expected home

I've been that other person and ended up saying FFS turn the fucking thing off!! It's so rude.

@beautifullymad

Constantly, but we are joined at the hip....

He texts me from upstairs or in the garden!

I love it and we are extremely close so it's our normal.

Christ, how suffocating. It doesn’t make you ‘extremely close’ though nor is it an indicator of an ‘extremely close’ relationship.

To be fair I also text DP from upstairs. Usually along the lines of "can you bring me a snack please, I can't be arsed to move"

@alibongo5

And I think it's rather rude on the people you're with to be constantly texting him.

Yep, nothing worse than being out with people who are ignoring you and on their phone instead having to report everything to the 'ball and chain'. Makes the partner sound controlling as well.

Oh my dh is awful for this. He might reply once early in the night and then silence. It drives me nuts. He drinks a lot when he goes out so I do worry about him. Just as well he doesn't go out much 👍

@beautifullymad

Constantly, but we are joined at the hip....

He texts me from upstairs or in the garden!

I love it and we are extremely close so it's our normal.

Omg this would kill me.

I love and adore my husband and we too, are exceptionally close. We’ve been through a lot together. Home repossessions, his heart attack, sick children.

But joined at the hip, no thanks. I need to breathe.

I've been away the weekend with friends and I don't text or call DH all weekend. DH is the same.

No, never - unless there is a problem that requires immediate resolution or he was expecting me home at a certain time & my plans change.

It would be really rude to the people you’re socialising with & to text at all, let alone ‘throughout the evening’, I don’t know anyone who would. I can’t bear neediness so haven’t ever been in a relationship where someone needs that level of reassurance or ‘check ins’, I’d find it really claustrophobic personally & run a mile!

It’s good to see you can recognise your last relationship wasn’t healthy.

One of my friends was the one in the group constantly feeling she had to communicate with her DH while she was out. He would ask who was in the pub, what was she drinking, have you ordered food yet, has the food come yet.

It was fucking infuriating to have her on her phone all the time but we also knew he was a controlling twat and he would make her life miserable if she ignored him.

Last year she snapped while we were out one night. She text him telling him to fuck off, leave her alone and pack his stuff. She stayed with a friend the night and the next day he had left and she divorced him. She’s like a new person. It took her a long time though and it was really tough on her.

I might text him once asking him if hes having a good night, sometimes he will reply sometimes not. I wouldnt text mine unless he text me on a night out

Once every 24hrs if we are away.

Normally only text on the rare occasion that I'm ordering myself a take away to see if he wants anything left in the micro for when he gets in. Since we've been wfh I spend nearly every moment of the day with him it's good for both of us to have a break from each other even of it's only for a few hours.

It would drive me mad if my other half kept texting me on my night out . It's also rude on the people you are out with .