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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you hear from your partner when they're out

173 replies

logsinforthewinter · 01/10/2021 23:42

In my last relationship : my ex and I were in contact throughout the night when out with friends . General chat on text ..
New partner ... nothing . Until he is going home , saying goodnight .
AIBU. To think this is shit?
We doNot live together

OP posts:
MrsPerfect12 · 02/10/2021 07:56

Sometimes we text and sometimes we don't. I'd also find it controlling and needy if it was a requirement.

readytoretire · 02/10/2021 07:58

I think most of the people replying have missed that the OP isn't living with her partner (so why would she need to call to say she'll be late etc). Presumably all this nonsense started when everyone started using mobile phones. Maybe it's my age but I think it is absolutely astounding that so many people are in touch with their partners while on a night out with friends. I also think it normalises controlling behaviour.

HalzTangz · 02/10/2021 08:01

I think it would be weird to hear from him.

How is he supposed to focus on his night out with friends or family whilst maintaining a text conversation.

If my friends started texting all night I'd stop arranging nights out

userxx · 02/10/2021 08:04

@MrsPerfect12

Sometimes we text and sometimes we don't. I'd also find it controlling and needy if it was a requirement.

I'm the same. Nothing more annoying than being bombarded whilst out. Far too needy for my liking.

GiraffeClimber · 02/10/2021 08:04

We wouldn’t text each other on nights out, except perhaps to let the other know when we’re on our way back. If anything it’s rude to be texting when you’re out with other people.

DinoWoman · 02/10/2021 08:08

Are you insecure OP? Are you scared he's going to cheat?

If not, you sound like a lot of hard work. Don't you have anything better to do while he's on a night out than text him?

Wagglerock · 02/10/2021 08:12

No, only to say if we're going to be out later than expected, getting dinner out or need the spare bed sorting. This is code for I'm getting pissed so you're dealing with the kids in the morning 😂

beautifullymad · 02/10/2021 08:16

Constantly, but we are joined at the hip....

He texts me from upstairs or in the garden!

I love it and we are extremely close so it's our normal.

YourFinestPantaloons · 02/10/2021 08:17

I don't live with my OH either, went out last week and didn't contact him once. I hate drunken text pests though!

userxx · 02/10/2021 08:24

@beautifullymad

Constantly, but we are joined at the hip....

He texts me from upstairs or in the garden!

I love it and we are extremely close so it's our normal.

Doesn't it piss you off when you're out with friends though ? It would drive me mad!

TheWonderCat · 02/10/2021 08:24

Why do you need him to text you when he’s out?

I’ll text DH to ask if the DC have gone to bed ok, usually. He tends to text when he’s off to bed wishing me a good night, that’s generally it.

icedcoffees · 02/10/2021 08:25

@beautifullymad

Constantly, but we are joined at the hip....

He texts me from upstairs or in the garden!

I love it and we are extremely close so it's our normal.

Do you not think it's exceptionally rude to be out with friends and constantly texting your partner?

I text DH when he's upstairs sometimes but that's because I'm a lazy cow Grin

StellaCinnamon · 02/10/2021 08:26

Yeah I do. He checks in to see if the kids are asleep, how they’ve been etc. If I’m out I’ll text him the same. Not on the phone all night or anything but yeah we check in with each other

ImInStealthMode · 02/10/2021 08:28

@beautifullymad Do you reply constantly when you're out with other people? If that's the case then it doesn't really matter if you love it, it's rude and disrespectful to them.

If you're so joined at the hip you don't go out with other people then I suppose it doesn't matter though.

buddy79 · 02/10/2021 08:29

No.
Sometimes a text or two to tell me something or say when he’s in his way home, but more often nothing, which is absolutely fine. I do the same when I’m out with friends. Constantly texting throughout an evening when trying to talk with friends sounds annoying!

YourFinestPantaloons · 02/10/2021 08:30

I try not to use my phone on a night out if I don't absolutely need to as I worry the battery will drain and I won't be able to get a taxi home!

Sandyseagul · 02/10/2021 08:30

My DH will send the odd text, he works away a lot and will always message me when he’s back at the hotel to say goodnight and sometimes the odd message checking in. General chit chat absolutely not and I wouldn’t expect it.

If you go out on a date night would you be happy if he sat texting his friends all night?

Ploorfuzzle · 02/10/2021 08:32

No, he will sometimes message to check bedtime went okay, and with an indication what time he will be back and the same for me vice versa- or if something funny happens but not routinely. Its annoying when someone is always on their phone when you're out as a group!

Imnothereforthedrama · 02/10/2021 08:32

No I think it’s rude if I was out with a friend who was constantly messaging or calling partner. If you can’t go out for one night there is something wrong ,I’d text just to say on way home that sort of thing but that’s it .

SpiderinaWingMirror · 02/10/2021 08:36

No!
Will get a WhatsApp sometimes when he is on the train home. I leave my phone on just in case of train trouble.
I might send a pic of me and pals maybe once a day if I'm away.
And all my friends are similar.

HummingBeeBox · 02/10/2021 08:37

I call my dp if I am walking home. Sometimes it is a silent call just so he can be on the line and I tell him what streets I'm on.

RampantIvy · 02/10/2021 08:40

@beautifullymad

Constantly, but we are joined at the hip....

He texts me from upstairs or in the garden!

I love it and we are extremely close so it's our normal.

How tedious. Is this a new relationship?
VerbenaGirl · 02/10/2021 08:57

A bit when the kids were younger, to check in and provide a bit of moral support if bedtime wasn’t going well. Not now though. We don’t go out out much, so I’d rather DH was enjoying some time with his friends than messaging me. Plus I often use the opportunity to get an early night. If I’m out, more a check in about plans to get home safely. However, we are an old mailed couple now! Thinking back to early loved up days, we did message a bit when out. We’re talking one line Nokia messages when you had to remember the phone number though!

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 02/10/2021 08:59

Yabu and controlling.

FluffyTeddyBear · 02/10/2021 09:00

No. Not unless it’s to update me on him being later than planned or something.

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