ExH wants to stop DDs activity in favour of one of his choosing. AIBU?

[ActivitiesDDLoves]

DD does swimming lessons and Brownies. Brownies is in the week, swimming the weekend.

ExH has DD for court ordered contact EOW for 1 night, he picks her up from me and then on the Sunday drops her at the pool where I’m waiting.

He’s happy with swimming lessons, but wants her to stop Brownies in favour of Dance or Gymnastics.

For medical reasons DD can only do 2 activities a week, she’s 7 so I think 2 activities is perfect, still time to chill out after school 4 times a week but still time to develop a love for it.

She loves Brownies, sings the songs to her toys when not there, shows off her badges to anyone who’ll listen (she did Rainbows as well so has quite a few on a camp blanket) and is very excited for her very first sleepover in a few weeks. She’s made loads of friends there she wouldn’t have otherwise met.

I pay for everything to do with her 2 activities, from the actual lesson/subs to the equipment (uniform, swimming costume etc.).

ExH has told me he wants DD to stop Brownies and he will take me to court if I don’t. He wants me instead to take her to dance or gymnastics. I’ve said if he pays I will but he doesn’t want to pay for it, he wants me to.

It’s a tricky one because at 7 DD gets some say, but if asked she’d want to do dance and/or gymnastics but I doubt she’d give up Brownies to do it.

I’ve emailed my solicitor to see what she says but does anyone know if AIBU to say no unless he pays for it?

His reasons are his sister was a talented gymnast and dancer. None of his family did scouting or guiding (neither did I until Guides) so it’s a bit unknown to him.

So AIBU?

YWBU to even consider taking your DD out of a club she loves in order for her to do some other activity she might not even like even if her dad did pay for it. Tell the idiot to take you to court so you can watch his case being laughed out of it.

Ask your DC if she wants to do ANOTHER ACTIVITY NOT GIVE UP HER TWO CURRENT ones and if so then let her if not then don't worry. Always comes down to the money doesn't it . I could never imagine not allowing my child to do an activity all because I want the dad to pay.

Always put your child first

Both gymnastics and dance are more strenuous than Brownies. Are they even suitable for her with her medical condition? I'd worry your ex's family would put pressure on her since they seem to think she'll follow in her aunt's footsteps.
Tell your ex if DD expresses any interest in dance or gymnastics, you'll pursue it but atm she's happy with Brownies and it probably fits better with her energy levels.

Usually posters tell OPs to ask a solicitor for advice rather than ask a bunch of vipers strangers on the internet.

In this case though, you could have saved yourself some money. It really doesn't need solicitor involvement, just tell your ex to take you to Court.

P.s Court is not the answer, don't clog up the courts. The courts are there for a reason and to help and protect children and families who actually need help not to sort out if a child can swap brownies for dance or gymnastics.

@Rachie1973

Lol say ‘ok. Take me to court over Brownies’. Then stop fretting about it

Once again, cracked it in the first response. He'd be laughed out of court, if he could even find a solicitor to represent him. Let him get on with it and let your DD enjoy Brownies

He wants to foster some kind of Olympian goal in her no doubt. Because Olympian gymnasts just appear out of thin air at that age!

I would tell him flatly that he can take you to court and do not respond to him about it again. What a pathetic power struggle.

@Strangevipers if you’d read the ops posts you’d see she can’t do 3 activities, as per medical advice. Or did you not care about the details as you really just turned up to unfairly accuse the op of poor parenting?

@Strangevipers

Ask your DC if she wants to do ANOTHER ACTIVITY NOT GIVE UP HER TWO CURRENT ones and if so then let her if not then don't worry. Always comes down to the money doesn't it . I could never imagine not allowing my child to do an activity all because I want the dad to pay.

Always put your child first

Op is putting her daughter first.

By considering what she is physically capable of doing, and that is 2 activities a week. 1 of which OP deems to be compulsory for her own safety/life skills. the other 1 is one that DD is choosing and enjoys.

And making digs about money isn't helpful. What if OP can't afford a third activity?

He is a controlling CF, no doubt. I can't believe he wants you to pay!

But... it's about your DD, not him, and your DD wants to do dance classes. Could you compromise and agree that once she has learnt to swim, she can try dance lessons? Mine did hobby type dance classes for fun when they were at primary school that weren't that strenuous. They also did some dance/drama/music type clubs where they put on musicals so there was a bit of everything but only the dance was physical.

Tell him he can pay for and take her to dance another day if he wishes but it isn’t medically advised.

Call his bluff because he won’t
A- pay for it
B- take up his own time taking her

This is only about him trying to control you and remain in your headspace

Haha what an idiot. Tell him to take you to court, they’ll laugh him out of the room.

Like a PP I would have expected you to laugh hysterically at the ridiculousness of this suggestion. Let him take you to court and you will get to enjoy the fury of the judge that he is even wasting his time with this.

A friend had a similarly crazy situation where her ex actually DID take her to court because she said he couldn't take their children on a 2 week holiday to another country. The youngest was 12 months at the time and he had consistently failed to turn up for his court agreed time so that he was routinely seeing them a max of one day per month. She was terrified but the judge basically just told him to stop wasting everyone's time and that until he could actually be bothered to see his kids EOW, she certainly wasn't going to insist the children go away for 2 weeks with him.

He doesn't want to pay for it

He doesn't want to take her to these classes

He wants you to book them on your time, using your money and presumably you'd need to find these classes as well.

Send him the thumbs up sign on the message. And let him get on with it.

Just as you would not be able to dictate what your ex does with DD in his time and with his money, your ex cannot dictate to you what you do.

Can't think why he's an ex!

@RhiWrites

I explained that she can only do 2 things and swimming has to be one of them she never asked again so I assume she doesn't want to give up Brownies.

Why does swimming have to be one of them? Can’t she keep Brownies and do dance or gymnastics at the weekend?

Probably because swimming is a life skill and the dd is still learning.

OP

Please do a sad face photo with your local paper.

@Strangevipers

P.s Court is not the answer, don't clog up the courts. The courts are there for a reason and to help and protect children and families who actually need help not to sort out if a child can swap brownies for dance or gymnastics.

OP has no intention of taking anyone to court. It is the ex who has threatened to do so. It is advisable to read the thread, or at least the OP's posts, before making input that would be good advice for a different situation but is irrelevant to this one.

I never understand how people like your EX think that this sort of behaviour is acceptable.

Who thinks they can get away with dictating what classes a child who they parent for 1/7th of a week goes to at the expense of the other parent? Who would think that this request is reasonable?

@Strangevipers

Ask your DC if she wants to do ANOTHER ACTIVITY NOT GIVE UP HER TWO CURRENT ones and if so then let her if not then don't worry. Always comes down to the money doesn't it . I could never imagine not allowing my child to do an activity all because I want the dad to pay.

Always put your child first

Must be nice to have a money tree and no money worries as a single parent.

Must be nice to have endless time to dedicate to hobbies, instead of trying to juggle work, life and kids as a single parent.

did you miss the bit where DD cannot do more strenuous activities due to health concerns? so she WILL have to give up one activity ot pick up another.

YANBU. If DD prefers Brownies, she does brownies. This is definitely an “No, I’ll see you in court then” moment. The court will ask the child’s POV anyway - if he is such a child to really want to push it that far. I doubt he would.

I'd add the gymnastics as an extra and dad can pay for it.

I don't think 3 activities a week is excessive.

He's a fucking loon.

Be prepared for him to try and convince dd. In which case, you must be firm that you will not be taking DD to dance/gym and you will not be paying for it.

You are well rid. Knob.

@underneaththeash

I'd add the gymnastics as an extra and dad can pay for it.

I don't think 3 activities a week is excessive.

Did you read the OP?

@underneaththeash it is if she has medical issues and her consultant has said 2 activities a week.

Swimming is absolutely non-negotiable. Ask DD what she wants to do.

If she has issue, won't Gym be far more physical?
Get the doctor to write a note saying Not at this time.