A whole new level of mansplaining

[RocketPanda]

I am having treatment for cancer at the moment, it's hard going but I'm feeling pretty fine in between sessions. I'm wfh and pop into the office once a fortnight.
I went in quite early yesterday, first to arrive and was just settling down when a colleague came in. He quipped that I was up early and I replied that no hair makes showering quicker and laughed.
He put in a complaint that I'm not taking my cancer treatment seriously. An actual complaint. Poor HR had to ring me about it. He told them he is concerned that I don't understand the side effects.

@Merryoldgoat

Why did HR tell you? Why didn’t they tell him to fuck off?

The problem is that they have to follow up an official, however barmy, complaint, it's the same with the police. A neightbour asked the person who bought our house if he wouldn't park a metre from the kerb as it made getting off his drive difficult, he was opposite. This was reported to the police as a racist incident and they had to follow it up.

This is peak mansplaining. He has won.
What a complete tool and HR aren't much better for calling you about it!

What!!
I hope HR told him to get over himself

I don't know of a single HR dept which would pass on such a complaint.

@Tinpotspectator
No I don't either

@Tinpotspectator

I don't know of a single HR dept which would pass on such a complaint.

We don't know what he said, it might have been in the form of reporting a concern not actually a complaint. They'd be negligent if they ignored it .

How is it any of this man's business? I'm actually surprised HR didn't tell him to do one. Your medical history/treatment etc is YOUR business, no one else's. What was he thinking? Giving him the benefit of the doubt, perhaps it was misguided concern on his part. Good luck with your treatment.

Having been discriminated against by family for my disability (according to them I’m not disabled), l would put in a complaint as I would think he will be emboldened to do it again to me or someone else.

Seeing as you have decided not to, I do think it’s only fair to target the most gossipy person in the company to disseminate this. What a dick.

@QueeniesCroft, I'm so sorry, that must have been very, very hard to cope with. Some people are the pits

There are a large number of bullies and bully-adjacent people who do not have a drop of kindness in their blood, but really enjoy pretending they do, and who enjoy telling other people what they can and can't say, for the control.

They used to call other people nasty names based on personal characteristics, but they can't get away with that now. So they pretend to take offence on behalf of the people they used to bully. Being people who never got why bullying was wrong, they naturally can't see the difference between a woman making a joke about her own cancer, and Frankie Boyle making a joke about a woman having cancer.

I think you work with one of these people, OP. Don't forget what he is, now you know.

@pickingdaisies

Put in a counter complaint that he is interfering in your personal health? That he doesn't understand the methods people use to deal with their own cancer treatment? That he has caused you unnecessary personal distress? Lay it on with a trowel.

Yes this. Why does he think he has the right to an opinion on any aspect of your life? Astonishing! I appreciate you have said you don't wish to do this, but he really has NO boundaries to speak to you about your private & serious health issues.

OP you sound awesome, keeping your sense of humour and being charitable towards HR in the middle of cancer treatment. Your office are lucky to have you. All the best.

He’s a cunt then, isn’t he. That’s the first time I’ve ever typed that word online but he deserves the full force of contempt.

Omg he is bonkers!!

I work within a HR team and joked to the whole team on a zoom call that I would run after a certain annoying person if my legs worked! (I'm in a wheelchair). We all laughed.

That is a normal response to someone making light of something that is worrying them and causing stress and anxiety.

I wish I could say it surprised me.

When DD was in reception there was a beautiful little girl in there who had a Neuroblastoma behind her eye. She'd lost the eye not long after birth and due to her growing and the tumour changing her false eye often hurt her, so she'd have days when she didn't have it in for school.
A parent complained. They said she was scaring the other children (she wasn't) and it wasn't nice to look at. Happily the school gave her short shrift but how low can you sink?

Quite a large proportion of humanity are arseholes

@KilledByWitches

I wish I could say it surprised me.

When DD was in reception there was a beautiful little girl in there who had a Neuroblastoma behind her eye. She'd lost the eye not long after birth and due to her growing and the tumour changing her false eye often hurt her, so she'd have days when she didn't have it in for school.
A parent complained. They said she was scaring the other children (she wasn't) and it wasn't nice to look at. Happily the school gave her short shrift but how low can you sink?

This reminds me of when my youngest watched CBeebies and they had a new presenter who was born with half an arm.

Parent were actually writing in and complaining that she was scaring their children!!!

The mind boggles!

I think HR did the right thing to give the OP the heads up that Twatman had "reported" her.
I'd always want to know if some other twat had reported me, and what for, however moronic.

Hope you’re treatment is going well.

Maybe the guys a twatt, maybe he’s a bit unsure how to be around you, it also wouldn’t be the first time someone in HR completely got the wrong end of the stick.

Unbelievable! I would get my own back by telling all our colleagues that he reported me for laughing at my own cancer, and let them deal with it how they see fit. He must be a sad person anyway but talk about how to lose friends and alienate people!

I’d be tempted to wind him up by talking about the “advantages” of having cancer.
Mine were avoiding the school run (radiotherapy was always 8-9am) and tattoos.

Look, he is a MAN. They know things. You could always ask him to mansplain it to you. I am sure that would be a great help. Try not to spill your scalding cuppa all over him because that would hurt his feelings, you know.

Not mansplaining just a arse.

All the best for treatment.

I think that's the most bizarre thing I've read on MN!
I Hope by sharing the tale with your colleagues he is utterly shamed (as he should be).
I can see HR were in a corner if he framed it under the guise of 'concern' without actually explaining what had been said and hope they educated him on his bollocks after speaking with you!
The man clearly is a crank with nothing better to do than make sure women are behaving in a manner to which he is accustomed to and is acceptable to him.
I live in hope that when he regales that gem with pride to whoever he goes home to they tell him what an utter twat he is.....

Wishing you well with your ongoing treatment and recovery OP 💐

Someone I knew via another Social Media site treated herself to a pink elvis wig when she lost her hair due to chemo. Please wear one of those next time you see him!!!