A whole new level of mansplaining

[RocketPanda]

I am having treatment for cancer at the moment, it's hard going but I'm feeling pretty fine in between sessions. I'm wfh and pop into the office once a fortnight.
I went in quite early yesterday, first to arrive and was just settling down when a colleague came in. He quipped that I was up early and I replied that no hair makes showering quicker and laughed.
He put in a complaint that I'm not taking my cancer treatment seriously. An actual complaint. Poor HR had to ring me about it. He told them he is concerned that I don't understand the side effects.

Might be churlish OP but the idea of that email has made me smile. You'd have to add a winky face emoji. Btw you are doing wonderfully well to still be at work, sending strong thoughts to you.

@Naunet

Oh my god! I would seriously consider putting in a complaint about him. What an appalling little dickhead.

I wouldn't be considering I'd do it.

Who gives him the right to tell you how to feel about YOUR body and YOUR illness. How bloody dare he.

Christ after all that's been going on this week Men are really pissing me off.

Christ sorry OP I wish you well with your treatment. You obviously have a GSOH.
Ignore the office twat.

I would be tempted to raise a counter complaint, but understand why wouldn't want to, you have enough to deal without this twat mansplaining via HR.

I hope you get better soon

Would there be any mileage in a HR-mediated meeting where he could explain what you need to do and how he would approach it to help you take it seriously? You'd have to be able to deadpan and might need to tell HR 'now I've had time to reflect, I think it might be really helpful ....' so they couldn't head it off at the pass.

I'm going back to bed for the day #cancerperks

Imagine that twat's face if you sent the email

I'm opening a book; what are the odds that Manny Mansplainer
a) has previous form for this, and
b) will be back?

Someone track down his wife and ask if she's ok.

I think HR fucked up big time.

Having written policies doesn’t excuse them from applying common sense when considering the application of a policy. Jeez!!

As to Twatface, I’m flabbergasted that he thinks that he’s entitled to an opinion about how you manage your illness? He needs a telling in no uncertain terms to Fuck right Off!

I’d be so incensed if it was me I’d be interrupting him every hour asking if I’m doing the show of suffering adequately or do I need to start wearing my sack cloth with ashes to work?

Twatman sounds like a good name for him. I would ask Mandy to have a chat with him to explain how many people use humour to deal with day to day things and serious life events, in a positive way, and to ask him if he knows anyone with cancer and was distressed by it, and to ask him about how he uses humour and understands humour.

I would also say that if he does have any special circumstances going on, and struggles with humour, that you would appreciate knowing that, as you will not use humour in conversation with him from now on if that helps him.

@RocketPanda just a thought, are HR documenting this - ridiculous - complaint in your file?

I'd be making sure everyone was aware of what he had said to me.

@shouldistop

Christ, what a twat. HR shouldn't have even spoken to you about it actually. They should have told him to mind his own business.

This with bells on, your medical treatment/condition is fuck all to do with him, why would they even mention this to you and not just tell him to piss off and stop being a cunt?

What an utter c*ckwomble. For what he did AND for potentially getting you in trouble at work. Thank goodness for the sensible HR person, but NO thanks to him, that you didn't end up with a disciplinary action against you.

My mum has had the Big C twice. She dreaded other people's reactions more than the diagnoses themselves.

Best wishes to you @RocketPanda, and keep smiling. xx

YABU. It’s very clearly your job to have cancer in a way which caters to other people’s views on how to do so appropriately. The fact that you are the person who actually has to have cancer is irrelevant, and it’s selfish of you not to realise that other people have opinions on your cancer.

seriously though, that’s hilarious and depressing and I hope you’re ok

WTF?! Would they rather you were all depressed about it, I think it's wonderful that you can make a joke out of the situation! People are weird AF!

What a knob.

HR would have had to follow up with OP to ensure she was OK after someone expressed concerns about her wellbeing. It would be negligent not to and it sounds like they handled it well.

He is a twat though.

Wishing you all the best with your recovery,OP. I hope you don’t have to interact with that man again, and I hope HR put him straight about making spurious complaints about colleagues.

Does he want you to be signed off ill - is he after your job?

WTF!!!! Like others say I would be putting in a complaint about his lack of any kind of compassion but also HR should have had the balls to tell him to mind his own business! It's up to you how you deal with your feelings about treatment! I am fuming on your behalf!

Good luck with the rest of your treatment

I think id be digging in and asking fir mediation to make him come to the table to explain himself. Sounds like he doesnt like confrontation so id do it out of spite and listen to explain why he thinks what a complaint and his grounds are appropriate. Its also a chance to see what other thoughts he might like to share....

How on earth did HR manage to stop their eyes rolling right out of their head and out of the door is my question.

What an utter wand.

Honestly someone is going to have to take one for the team and push him down a flight of stairs. It's the only answer.

Oh holy fuck! I just can’t get why he would do that.

Hope the treatment is going ok

How dare you have a sense of humour when you have cancer? Don't you know your humour gland needs removing to make the chemo more affective.

OP

I did actually LOL when I read your opening post.

My mum had breast cancer twice (2 different types) and then the second metastasized but it didn't take away her sense of humour.