To attend surprise party for unvaccinated person?

[postingfortraffichere]

So, i don't know what to do.

It's my mums 65th birthday - she isn't vaccinated. I just found out she is having a surprise birthday planned by someone else - which just dawned on me sounds like a terrible idea.

This isn't about me, I don't care about my risk I'm double vaccinated and have antibodies from having Covid so I'm happy to attend, but I'm not sure putting my mother in that position unvaccinated as a 'surprise' or even fair given she has been avoiding going out for two years.

She not vaccinated out of choice, so yes she's being stubborn but wwyd - try call it off or tell her that 30+ people are attending?

I'm confused about what to do, I'm just worried for her particularly putting her in that position without her consent.

AIBU to try call it off or reduce numbers? Or tell her the situation and spoil the surprise?

Your way overthinking it. Don’t ruin the surprise!! Let her have a lovely birthday party.

If she didnt care about Covid and had been going about her business as normal. I'd agree to let it go ahead, but if she has reduced her contacts drastically and does worry about it then I'd give the heads up. Not everyone loves a surprise party anyway.. Its not that amazing to be jumped out at and expected to be life and soul at a seconds notice.

I wouldn’t go. At the moment there are quite a few people I know who have Covid. As a result I’ve stopped seeing anyone who is vulnerable including my pregnant nail technician. I’d prefer to stop getting my nails done until she’s delivered. I’m vaccinated but a lot of people I know vaccinated & catching Covid.

65 years old and no vaccine? Why on Earth don’t people protect themselves?

It won't be a lovely birthday party, unless she - an unvaccinated person who has chosen to manage risk by avoiding seeing people - is actually happy to go straight from deliberate distancing to considerable mixing at a time and in a manner not of their choosing.

I'd talk to the person who has arranged this, and ask what SD measures there will be, as your DMum has chosen not to mix indoors so far, and that choice should not be removed from her

How many people have been invited?

Why do people think they have the right to inflict this sort of occasion on people who clearly aren't up for it? I can imagine your mother being seriously upset and frightened by this given the circumstances. YANBU and I think you have to intervene on this occasion. 💐

@Itsnotover approx 25

@RoseAndRose the people attending in the main are Covid deniers - there will be no/little SD

She's been staying home for TWO YEARS?!? Maybe she wouldn't appreciate 25 people showing up on the doorstep! A surprise party is a terrible idea.

Can you ask your mum if she'd like you to organise her a party? So if she says no you'll know exactly how she'd feel about it.
Though awkward if she says yes I spose...

Ok she has been out socialising a little - I know she went to a bbq recently with 20+ but said she felt safer as it was outdoors

But generally she doesn't go out to crowded places etc

@DontMakeMeShushYou it's too short Notice now

@postingfortraffichere

Ok she has been out socialising a little - I know she went to a bbq recently with 20+ but said she felt safer as it was outdoors

But generally she doesn't go out to crowded places etc

Who’s organised the surprise?

Her vaccine status is irrelevant here in my opinion. Vaccinated or unvaccinated it is cruel for 30 people to all decend on her unannounced when she has deliberately reduced her social contact through the pandemic. It could make her very distressed.

@Iggly a sibling

This sounds like a ridiculously terrible idea. Who honestly thinks that someone who has avoided indoor social occasions for two years will appreciate one suddenly being thrust upon them?

I’d be having words with the party organiser and telling them it’s a fucking stupid idea.

[quote postingfortraffichere]@DontMakeMeShushYou it's too short Notice now [/quote]
Is it? Really? Are they all in her house now? If not then phone the organiser and say you think it could massively backfire.

@Noogar it's not happening now but next few days

[quote postingfortraffichere]@Noogar it's not happening now but next few days [/quote]
Great, so you've time to cancel then.

@Rainbowheart1

Your way overthinking it. Don’t ruin the surprise!! Let her have a lovely birthday party.

It won’t be a ‘lovely’ birthday party if she’s been avoiding people for 2 years to keep safe and now is suddenly in a room full of people!

OP I’d tell her.

I've just messaged the organiser to double check she is not aware of the numbers (my mother) if she knows then I'll leave it , if she doesn't then I'm going to have to intervene

Ah good you can try to stop it then. It's a cruel disgusting idea.

If she's not vaccinated out of choice then yes YABU.

Ffs I read that wrong. It's to early. 😂

Could you do it outside maybe?

So she hasn’t been out much for 2 years due to covid and when she has socialised its been outside.

If the party is indoors you need to warm your mum and see if she’s ok with it. If it’s outdoors, it’s sounds like she’d be ok with it.