Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To attend surprise party for unvaccinated person?

140 replies

postingfortraffichere · 01/10/2021 06:40

So, i don't know what to do.

It's my mums 65th birthday - she isn't vaccinated. I just found out she is having a surprise birthday planned by someone else - which just dawned on me sounds like a terrible idea.

This isn't about me, I don't care about my risk I'm double vaccinated and have antibodies from having Covid so I'm happy to attend, but I'm not sure putting my mother in that position unvaccinated as a 'surprise' or even fair given she has been avoiding going out for two years.

She not vaccinated out of choice, so yes she's being stubborn but wwyd - try call it off or tell her that 30+ people are attending?

I'm confused about what to do, I'm just worried for her particularly putting her in that position without her consent.

AIBU to try call it off or reduce numbers? Or tell her the situation and spoil the surprise?

OP posts:
SuperstarDog · 01/10/2021 09:44

She be sick be the next week and due to her age likely end up in hospital. Its inevitable.

🤪

AgentJohnson · 01/10/2021 10:38

She will go to dinner for 12 indoors but you think she would balk at 20.

Personally I wouldn’t get involved. Her risk assessments sound all over the place. It’s a surprise party, she could turn around and walk away, there’s no gun pointing at her head.

PlanDeRaccordement · 01/10/2021 10:41

@Hopeisnotastrategy

Why do people think they have the right to inflict this sort of occasion on people who clearly aren't up for it? I can imagine your mother being seriously upset and frightened by this given the circumstances. YANBU and I think you have to intervene on this occasion. 💐
This is my reaction too.
TheUnbearable · 01/10/2021 10:45

I would tell my sibling what I thought, they wouldn’t like it then inform my Mother and I would personally not be attending. People pussy foot round relatives far too much and put up with crap because it’s family.

MrsSkylerWhite · 01/10/2021 10:46

I’d be concerned for her too.

RealBecca · 01/10/2021 10:49

If shes made a decision as a capable adult not to get vaccinated then thats her lookout, life will carryon and its not your job, nor is it appropriate, for you to manage her life based on her decisions as an adult.

Even though i understand your feelings.

RumblyMumbly · 01/10/2021 11:13

I think if she's happy to go ahead with 12 people she'll be happy to go ahead with 20. She wants to mark her milestone birthday like this. She doesn't want to get the vaccine. She's an adult and you just have to let her make her own choices. This is living with Covid. It wouldn't be my choice and I wouldn't be happy if it was my Mum (who thankfully is vaccinated) but there's not a lot you can do about it.

SandAndSea · 01/10/2021 11:16

I agree with @RealBecca.

She's a grown woman who's entitled to make her own decisions.

She's probably got natural immunity by now and even if she gets ill, the chances are, she'll be fine.

MrsKeats · 01/10/2021 11:41

Do you know the name of the restaurant?
I also would ring and tell them. Why should covid deniers/anti vaxx people put staff at risk?
If there is a party of 25 the odds of at least one positive person must be high.

SuperstarDog · 01/10/2021 11:46

I think contacting the restaurant is ridiculous and just shows people are angry about unvaccinated people being allowed to go places.

Lavender24 · 01/10/2021 11:46

Urgh surprise parties are the worst anyway.

TableFlowerss · 01/10/2021 11:52

If she was that bothered about catching it, she’d have been jabbed! Give her the party

MrsKeats · 01/10/2021 12:05

Err obviously I am angry at anti vaxx/denier idiots.
They put us all at risk.

RumblyMumbly · 01/10/2021 12:11

@MrsKeats as you must know the current UK law doesn't require covid passports / certification for customers or staff in restaurants to be vaccinated. So what would you expect the restaurant to do about it?

You do know that being vaccinated lowers the risk of transmitting Covid but doesn't stop it? A fully vaccinated member of the party may well have Covid.

My family and I (adults) are all vaccinated but if I go in a public place I accept there may well be people who aren't and that is their choice to make in a democracy.

SuperstarDog · 01/10/2021 12:13

Err obviously I am angry at anti vaxx/denier idiots.
They put us all at risk.

So you think you should call up a restaurant and say ‘there’s unvaccinated people coming in, don’t let them in’. 🙄

We have a family meal coming up, 30 of us. 12 children are unvaccinated, plus me and one other adult also unvaccinated. Are the two of us ok with you? Should the 12 kids be allowed in or is that ok cos they haven’t had the opportunity to get vaccinated yet. If it’s about risk then you shouldn’t want unvaccinated kids in a restaurant either. But it’s often about anger and people like you wanting those who have chose to be unvaccinated to suffer and feel consequences. 🙄

RumblyMumbly · 01/10/2021 12:18

@MrsKeats the waiting staff may be unvaccinated - you, I and the majority of the adult population may not share their decision & hope there is enough persuasive public health information to convince them of the benefits of vaccination - but surely we have to accept that some people will make different choices?

milkyaqua · 01/10/2021 12:27

In an inside venue. With anti-vaxxers, and covid-deniers.

This isn't really an etiquette question, it's a health and safety question - and it could, worst case, be a life and death situation. Tell her.

Getting Covid for your 65th birthday would not be a good surprise.

MrsBobDylan · 01/10/2021 12:29

If she does go ahead, tell her the make the most of it because she may not get to 66 if she wants to play fast and loose with Covid.

I am double jabbed and have just tested positive for Covid. I am not well but so bloody grateful that my symptoms are milder because I am vaccinated. I really wouldn't want to feel more ill than I do atm.

HikingforScenery · 01/10/2021 12:34

She’s an adult who has made her decision. Nobody is unaware of the risks of Covid at this point.
Let her have her birthday party and enjoy herself

HikingforScenery · 01/10/2021 12:34

@MrsBobDylan

If she does go ahead, tell her the make the most of it because she may not get to 66 if she wants to play fast and loose with Covid.

I am double jabbed and have just tested positive for Covid. I am not well but so bloody grateful that my symptoms are milder because I am vaccinated. I really wouldn't want to feel more ill than I do atm.

Hmm
HikingforScenery · 01/10/2021 12:35

@TableFlowerss

If she was that bothered about catching it, she’d have been jabbed! Give her the party
^this
AdoptedBumpkin · 01/10/2021 12:36

I don't know what to suggest, but I hope you find a solution.

loobylou10 · 01/10/2021 12:39

Vaccine refuses made their choice as far as I'm concerned.
Choices have consequences

SuperstarDog · 01/10/2021 12:43

Vaccine refuses made their choice as far as I'm concerned.
Choices have consequences

What does that even mean in terms of OPs question?

Ponoka7 · 01/10/2021 12:53

I wouldn't tell her, if she's happy with 12 and unvaccinated, 20 guests won't matter to her. Some people, whatever their reasons to not be vaccinated, have just decided to get on with life.

Swipe left for the next trending thread