Were you happier before or after

[Neverseenfirefliesinmylife]

Kids?

And if you have more than one, happier with just one or happier with more?

Please be honest

After! And that happiness grew even more with the addition of our second. If finances (and DH) were agreeable, id have 5! 😂
There's definitely more stress and worries with having kids, but it's worth it for the little giggles, the smiles and cuddles 🥰

After. I have two ds and they are my world.

Definitely before.

Honestly? On a day to day basis I probably had a better quality of life before kids. I was absolutely floored by how much looking after a child takes out of you. I went on to have a second though and now they are old enough to play together and wipe their own bottoms I am beginning to really value this life I accidentally chose for myself. I am way more tired than I would be without the kids, and my career has gone for a burton, but my life is also fuller and more interesting and has way more love in it. Long term I know I won't regret it. But there are moments even now when I envy the lives of my friends who have chosen not to have children.

Very interesting thread.
This has confirmed I absolutely don't want kids.

Happier with one, but don’t plan another. Was happy before DD and do miss bits. I still get time for myself, but not always exactly when I’d like it. So I really plan and make the most of my free time. But DD gives my life focus and purpose in a way it didn’t before.

Meant to say, I was never fussed about kids before having DD. But now I love sharing my world with her. If you have a supportive partner, you can still keep your sense of self and your interests without it being overwhelming. She brings me so much joy, but the first 3 months were so hard after a difficult delivery. I did worry if made a mistake but this feeling passed quickly and I couldn’t be without her now. She sleeps through the night, eats well and the only major stress I have is when she us sick, or I am. But this where a good partner is important.

Before. I definitely wouldn’t have had any if I knew then what I know now.

I love my children of course, and do have great times with them. I do not like the life that having children forces me to have. Restriction of adult stuff, adult holidays etc etc. I feel like I've lost a significant part of myself. Especially now I have a very sullen teen who is mega hard work. I find myself counting down the years until the youngest is in uni. It's a very long way away... I feel suffocated on some days. I think I'd actually be really happy single and on my lonesome. Oh well, grass is greener and all that

I was most happy with two when I was a single parent. Was not happy with 1. I got bored entertaining her and was glad when the next came along. But then they wound each other up ! Then had a gap and number 3.

@speakout thanks for your reply. Sending good wishes to you and your son 💐

AmanitaRubescens

Thankyou- and I hope you don't find my forceful view antagonistic.
Living in a situation like this has forced me to make very acute examination of statements and views like the one you posted- and I have firm ideas- to keep me afloat and surviving!

Before

In the first three months? Before.
Thereafter? When I'd gone back to work pt and outsourced the tough bits? After.
Now they're 18 and 16 and all the bits inbetween. After x 1000.

I was happy before kids and happy after (2dc). It doesn't mean it's not the hardest thing I've ever done.

I had the at the right time for me (30). I am so grateful for my career building/ fun loving 20s. I would have felt resentful had I had them earlier.

I also don't know what my level of happiness would be like if I had not been able to have children. I have always wanted them so would feel very sad had it not worked out I imagine.

Had I not wanted children I think I would have been thanking my lucky stars I had decided against having seen how all encompassing it is.

After. But, not until recently.
Before, I was a mess.
After...had severe PND, found out the Dad was using drugs, so left with the babies when they were 5 months.
Fast forward to them now being 3.5 and, although it has taken a long time, I am content with life and with being a Mum.

After.
Yes it's not always easy and can be very stressful but I am content in a way I never was before I had them.

After.
I hate parenting sometimes but I am definitely more fulfilled and content than before DC. My child really has given me purpose.

Living in a situation like this has forced me to make very acute examination of statements and views like the one you posted- and I have firm ideas- to keep me afloat and surviving!

It wasn't me who posited that view @speakout, I responded to your comment with a question and I appreciated your response. I can't imagine what guts it takes to choose happiness when you have a severely depressed son and I hope if I were in your position, I would be as strong.

After. I only have one dd(9). Life is very good. I was happy before but I love seeing her grow and develop. Having one means I can totally enjoy the moment and my life hasn't changed that much. I've been able to do things that I know I would've struggled with with more than one though (doctorate as an example). My career has progressed well, am financially stable, still have the same social life and hobbies as before.

After. Pre ds I was well into a career with a mortgage and married. Post ds I still have those things hut I also have a wonderful son too.

Stress is higher in a different way and he can drive me to distraction but he is my love and my reason. Dh is a great father and we do lots as a family.

Saying that, I don't forsee another dc at this point (never say never I guess) because we work so well as out little team of 3 and can devote attention time and money on ds which would otherwise have to be split and I'm not sure how I personally would be good at splitting.

I wasn't happier before as my life was a bit of a shambles, but I do occasionally miss the freedom being childfree gave me. I don't feel like I'm a "natural" at motherhood so I decided to stick with one child. I enjoy DS a lot more now he's older, I wasn't particularly happy during the baby and toddler years but I'd say now I'm the happiest I've ever been.

@Waxonwaxoff0

I wasn't happier before as my life was a bit of a shambles, but I do occasionally miss the freedom being childfree gave me. I don't feel like I'm a "natural" at motherhood so I decided to stick with one child. I enjoy DS a lot more now he's older, I wasn't particularly happy during the baby and toddler years but I'd say now I'm the happiest I've ever been.

I could have absolutely written this!

Before

After, but don't listen to all that bullshit about siblings being the greatest gift you can give a child 🙄 Having one child is great.