Were you happier before or after

[Neverseenfirefliesinmylife]

Kids?

And if you have more than one, happier with just one or happier with more?

Please be honest

Life was easierbefore children, but easy and happy don't necessarily go hand in hand.

Four adult children here, and they are the very, very best things to have ever happened to me.

I couldn’t imagine not having kids. But now they’re all in their late teens/twenties I admit to feeling lonely.

After. Way, way happier. Having kids is the best thing I ever did in life, despite having severe PND. So for a short time I was unhappier. but long term., the joy of being a parent, of having fun with DC and watching them grow up, the love we have, the fun we have together, Best thing ever.

After
More

We were all lying in bed cuddling and chatting this morning and it was close to bliss.

Speaking from perhaps a slightly longer term perspective ….It’s been 20 years since DC 1 was born.

Life is so much richer with DC (I have two)

For me this comparison involves comparing late 20s me with nearly 50 yo me. It feels like another lifetime ago so cannot reduce it down to before/ after kids.

Teens have been really, really hard due to their mental health issues but as the early/ primary years were pretty magical it never occurred to me to think of happiness before/ after kids.

Younger me would have said ‘better and richer with kids’ but my lifestyle wasn’t cramped by having them as I felt very ready.

Definitely happier after. I feel more grounded and connected with the world.
They are in uni now but it is still wonderful seeing them make their way in the world and following their progress.
They are wonderful and I feel so proud of them.

The same really, although I always knew I wanted kids, and if I thought I would never have them, then I would have been unhappy. I think content would be a better word then happy.

Also, having kids can be stressful. My firstborn never slept, so if I’d read this at 2am in the morning, tired and exhausted, trying to get dc1 to sleep, I probably would have said before. He’s now a lovely strapping 21 year old.

Different kind of happy. I have one DS, but never really knew whether or not I wanted children. I think I would have stayed very happy with just DH, but obviously can't prove that now!

But, I know for various reasons that I don't want a second one. Some unfortunate health reasons which would be impacted, but also I've come to like the balance of one. I'm very happy with our family of three

@SlouchingTiger

Speaking from perhaps a slightly longer term perspective ….It’s been 20 years since DC 1 was born.

Life is so much richer with DC (I have two)

For me this comparison involves comparing late 20s me with nearly 50 yo me. It feels like another lifetime ago so cannot reduce it down to before/ after kids.

Teens have been really, really hard due to their mental health issues but as the early/ primary years were pretty magical it never occurred to me to think of happiness before/ after kids.

Younger me would have said ‘better and richer with kids’ but my lifestyle wasn’t cramped by having them as I felt very ready.

I feel pretty much the same, including the primary & teen years.

The highs have been higher, but equally the lows much lower.

I wouldn't be without them.

After. Although I am struggling at the moment on maternity leave with second, generally I am happier than before. I wouldn't say a second child has increased happiness though, I would be happy with either one or two

Happier before .Only one whom I love too much .That's why I was happier before ,the constant worry ,fear ,feeling that I've not done my best as a parent drags me down .

8-9 years of “before”
Then “after”

Happier with more.

Happy before dc and happy after dc. I do feel I'm happier than i would be without dc at this age just because they give me an extra reason so smile everyday and be thankful. Baby/toddler years have neen tough but as my oldest is growing, we have such a lovely close relationship and like nothing I've ever experienced before; i love being with him and dc2.

After. I was very happy before too, but I think the contentment and joy that they bring makes me more happy now. I have 3 children oldest 5 and youngest is only 6 months old, so we are still very much in the thick of the difficult early days, but even with how busy and tiring life is right now (and it really is) I am so dam happy! I did have difficult moments after I had the second as we had them close together, maybe if you'd have asked the same question then I'd have answered differently, but once we came out the fog a little we were very happy and made the decision to go for a third.

I was happy before children and I’m happy after. The things that bring me happiness have changed a bit.

After. Without a doubt. It's in no way perfect and hard work but I wouldn't be without them. They're the best thing that's ever happened to me (if making my life sound perfect or my children it's not ;))

Gosh ,going back through the thread I'm amazed by the tiny nos of us happier before .Wow.

Happier before they were teens. Hoping the happy will come back when they are through this stage. I love young kids though to the extent I work with them everyday so it depends on you really. Everyone will be different.

Happy before and after

There are times with children you just wish you could whisk yourself off to an all inclusive and be handed mimosas all day BUT having children (i have 3) easily outweighs any negatives. Its just different with children. If you didn't have children there are only so many holidays you can go on as a couple. It would get boring very quickly.

Bringing up children is an absolute privilege and watching them grow into good people is the highlight of my life.

If you didn't have children there are only so many holidays you can go on as a couple. It would get boring very quickly.

What an odd statement.

Happier after, I love my kids and being a mum. Being brutally honest I was happier before my 2nd came along. But he happened during the pandemic and I have pnd. Once I am back to work and past the baby stage (which I do not enjoy) I will be happier with 2.

I was unprepared for the deep onslaught of love - it blindsided me. For at least the first 3 years I would well up with sheer bliss at some point each day. All people told me before was how hard and tough having children was - no one said how magnificent it was.

I have 4 now (3 under 3 at one point) it was also chaos, exhausting, challenging and frustrating at many points - but on balance deeply deeply satisfying.

Mine are late teens early twenties now and still bring me joy - have just been watching in awe a film my son made for a fashion shoot, I am ecstatic that my DD who has SEN and ASD has found herself and her tribe at uni - there have been some hideous lows - it’s been really really hard work emotionally and physically and I am enjoying this new chapter of them being young adults and being their unique selves.

For me, definitely after. I wish I could have another but that doesn’t seem possible.

Before I was more self conscious, in a career I didn’t love, chasing status. I’m much more sure of myself now. And my children totally fill me to the brim with happiness (and worry!).

I will qualify that with - I didn’t feel happier IMMEDIATELY after, for anyone who is thinking of having a baby. Immediately after was a shit show. Once the hormones and sleep calmed down, then life got good.