Were you happier before or after

[Neverseenfirefliesinmylife]

Kids?

And if you have more than one, happier with just one or happier with more?

Please be honest

After - when they were babies.......

Before - when my kids were toddlers.......

After - when they were at school.......

Before - when they were teenagers........

After - now they are adults...........

Basically, I was happier after having kids for 3/4 of the time, but when toddler tantrums and teenage attitude struck, I'd have happily sold them to the circus some days !

Being a parent is hard work, but isn't everything that's worthwhile ?

Before.
I was far too young when I had my first and I had zero support.

After... But it's a different kind of happiness. Before, there were more moments of in-the-moment contentment, but the horizon seemed barron. After, the moments can seem hard, but the bigger picture feels more purposeful and content. I don't know how else to explain it.

After 100%
It's harder in a lot of ways, but so so much happier.

After! One toddler DS and I've enjoyed every second.

I was miserable before, didn't know where my life was going, then I was really miserable for two years after as he didn't sleep and I wondered what the hell I had done. Then everything got better and I was much happier than before and although it is often stressful years later I am still much happier. I wouldn't want any more than one though.

Million times happier after kids. Honestly they've totally and utterly completed me. I adore them and have enjoyed every stage of life so far with them (even the sleepless nights) Life was fun before but absolutely no match to life now. I have just found out I'm pregnant with a surprise number 3. I'm a little bit nervous about that though 😄

There's a lovely bit between ages 7 and 11. I'm looking forward to them leaving home. Although my youngest says she's not leaving home ever and is going to take over her sisters' bedrooms too

Before. Life was so much easier and low stress, now I worry about them all the time.
I'm happier with more though. Once the freedom and relaxed life is gone anyway with DC1, DC2 adds more happiness than it takes away.

Ultimately …. After. BUT I would be here all day if I went through all of the ups and downs and stages I thought I wanted to run away!

My children have broken me down into tiny pieces and built me back up again into someone new. A stronger, more resilient, patient, open, braver, chilled version. I like myself and I am proud of what I have come through and that process wouldn’t have happened if not for them.

The joy they bring is unmatched and the sense of belonging. Their unconditional love is so appreciated by me. They push me to the limit and I wish people talked more about how there are parts of parenthood that sink you so low. It’s not all love and hugs. There are lots of mental health issues that can come hand in hand with the stress and pressure of being the mother.

But I am proud to be their fiercest protector and every day I don’t think I will get it all done and then I do. I think so many women are heroes.

After. Unplanned, just me, her and dog, it's honestly bliss. I am aware I am very lucky, lovely supportive parents, ex at my beck and call and own home. Not everyone's experience by any means.

After, but honestly only from about 6 years after. I have 1. There were many many moments of fun, hilarity, joy, satisfaction and overwhelming love in the early years but it was also horrifically hard and tested me beyond all expectations. I found the early years terrifying and exhausting, was so sad we didn’t manage to have a second and in myself I felt so lost and drained. Now DC is older life is so much easier and more balanced.

I was a SAHM for too long (9 years) with my own health problems and am now employed with my health condition under control which probably has a lot to do with it. DC now is (gradually!) becoming a competent thoughtful human who sometimes reduces the household workload rather than adding to it, and is still hilarious, magical and loving beyond anything. Life is sweet.

The same but in different ways. Before I lived my life for me doing what I wanted when I felt like it and it was fantastic. After- my priorities have changed and I have more people to factor in before I can swan off and do what I like but the love and joy they bring leaves me speechless.

In my case, having children wasn’t straightforward, which has had an impact. I’ve had good times before and after children, and some challenges.

In my twenties I had a job I loved, great social life, travel, I loved where I lived and did loads of stimulating stuff like learning new things and going to new places. But as I got older I started to feel like I was missing out on something. And then there was a long and very sad period of infertility and pregnancy loss.

I now have two children (after a full ten years of trying) and life is still sometimes-happy and sometimes-sad, but with a different focus. My life is a lot more restricted and I’m very tired. I hardly see anyone socially, and I feel a bit trapped in a part-time job that I actively hate - but I have my kids and they are increasingly wonderful. I do miss times when I can just do my own thing, but the best times are when I can do my own thing with my kids.

Definitely before but i have a disabled child so dont live the typical family life

Before, I’ve really struggled being a parent to a young child it’s relentless, cannot wait until he’s older and the tantrums end and he’s more independent. It’s really shocked me, I honestly thought I’d be good at this!

It made my heart soar and I never had that heart soaring feeling with one child.

@Ledition I actually find this comment quite sad! I have one child and have had plenty of these moments. First smile, first word, first steps, various interactions with other kids at playgroup etc - then countless other random things he’s done out of the blue. You absolutely don’t need more than one child to experience the heart soaring moments!

I wish I had had more.

Before. 2 DC 11 & 14. One has SEN. I often think this is not what I signed up to. The SEN child is v controlling in what we do (or that should be what we can't do). I feel trapped. I've grown into a v selfish person - I want a show home, go out when I want, travel. I love DC to bits but my priorities have changed as I've aged and given the choice I wouldn't have kids again. I also have a useless H who is like a child too. Maybe if H was more helpful I might feel different. Life is one long treadmill of home admin/sorting/running around after the kids.

Much happier with my 2 kids and would love more/wish I had more. I’m 37 and finding it hard to conceive

Before

After! I have a 4yo and 2yo and pregnant. I love having kids. I enjoyed my 20s and was happy then too but having kids has been a wonderful experience. Not sure what my answer will be when they are teens though

I was an only child and I hated it
I always said I'd have more than one so that they'd have each other
Had 2 and long term fostered one

Much happier in myself after having kids. I found them far more fulfilling than any jobs I'd done, so it gave me purpose and meaning.

At times the sheer grind was really hard though.

Having my second was so much easier than when I had one, as I knew what I was doing and he was a more responsive baby, so that made me feel better about my abilities as a parent.

Same levels of happiness but about different things. I didn't have children to make me happy, I had a happy life with my own issues and problems before children and after children.