To say there are some decent men

[Poppyscone]

I know there are many threads about how shit men are. It may be a shit partner not helping, abused by a stranger, sexism etc etc etc.

But to say some men are decent. My DH said this morning re the policemen just sentenced “we men are mostly basically shit aren’t we”
I told him he was one of the good ones and the good ones need to carry on trying to challenging these men who basically hate women
My DH had challenged many men over their behaviour towards women including dropping friendships.

I have epilepsy and DH had always had my back and supported me. Done more then his fare share with kids including most night feeds as well as working full time which I can do. Letting me sleep and recover after a seizure and taking charge without complaining.

He always make me feel good about myself, never pesters for sex and is a good dad.

Yep sure he had his faults he is a bit disorganised and he seems to think dirty clothes belong on the bedroom floor (but does pick them up when asked)
He snores like a machine gun and I have to wear earplug but on the whole he is a decent bloke and I am sure there are many more out there. I would just like to here about them

I can only assume you know some men who don't stand up to 'the bad guys' and that's why you're so defensive in this area. It's genuinely very, very strange. Baffling especially coming from a woman.*

Is Phoenix a woman?! I assumed it was definitely a man from the ridiculous, grappling "insights" clearly borne from defensiveness. Jesus. Must be one of those "my little Johnny would never do anything wrong" mother of boys then.

I expected this level of "pick me" NAMALT on a men's site. Not on MN.

I suspect that Phoenix is a woman. An old timer who plops onto threads where discussions about men as a class being expected to take some responsibility for the misdeeds of a significant minority

There have been a few name changes along the way but I understand she has at least one son and gets massively upset at the “disadvantages” he faces.

Comes across as relatively articulate (manages to not call us all man-hating bitches, for example) but has a massively stubborn blind spot about the whole area of VAWG.

So far, so same

@MareofBeasttown

I expected this level of "pick me" NAMALT on a men's site. Not on MN.

So depressing isn't it? Especially as parents of either sex who preach NAMALT over accountability for collective efforts to stamp out misogyny do so much harm.

Imagine feeling more worried that your son might at some point feel upset that women are frightened of being assaulted / raped / killed in their lifetime than you are worried about the fact so many women have those fears and, even worse, that so many of those fears become realities.

As that particular PP asked how people with sons could possibly feel the way so many of us do, one can only assume that parents who think like them don't have daughters? And don't realise that some people are capable of seeing the wider picture of crimes against girls and women, without feeling their son / brother / dad is being personally accused or victimised.

@HarrietsChariot

YABU, your DH is overwhelmingly more likely to attack you than a stranger is. At least, that's what the evidence says.

Not if you have been married for many years lol.

Why does a conversation about WOMEN'S safety and WOMEN's rights and systemic oppression of WOMEN always have to end up talking about men?

This is absolutely not about them. Decent men don't need to have their feelings pandered to by being assured we don't mean them and those who aren't decent, who are in fact dangerous aggressors, won't be bothered about the pandering because they already believe it's all about them.

CecilieRose
I've just been out to bring my bins in and was shouted at by a man in a van on the main road

The exact same thing happened to me recently.

Either:

1. CecilieRose and I live on the same road and the same man/men in a van are driving around harassing women.

Or

1. This is a common problem around the country. Where a number of men think its OK to harass women who are doing nothing more than bringing in their bins.

I bet their wives, girlfrirnds, family think they are decent men too

@Northernlurker,

I thought it was traditional to defer to the OP on the subject of the thread.

Anyone can start a different one.

[quote TheReluctantPhoenix]@Northernlurker,

I thought it was traditional to defer to the OP on the subject of the thread.

Anyone can start a different one.[/quote]
Threads involve multiple posters and the conversation develops. Almost like a discussion forum isn't it?

@TheReluctantPhoenix you are mistaken. Especially when posting in AIBU.

DP is a good one but Im not going to list his qualities. Its not the time and this post really is in poor taste. & anyway just like me he's not "good" 100% of the time, there are no saints around here. So what if you have a good man? It doesnt change the fact that numerous men are a danger to women. & numerous so called "good men" turn a blind eye to harassment of women too.

I couldn’t imagine the outcry if Pistonheads for example spread so much hate about women as MN does about men, a lot of it’s outright hate speech.

@youvegottenminuteslynn That’s a heart breaking statistic but still a vanishingly small number when you consider we live in a country of nearly 70 million. The fear far outweighs the risk.

Almost all infanticide is commuted by women. How would you feel if men started saying mothers should be chaperoned at all times when with their children?

ah, we're in troll territory now. ok.

@CBUK2K2

I couldn’t imagine the outcry if Pistonheads for example spread so much hate about women as MN does about men, a lot of it’s outright hate speech.

Whatever.🤷‍♀️ It isn't violence.

Perhaps you could start an equivalent list of men killed by women in the last year. And every year.

Whilst there is definitely an issue with male violence, this feminist argument seems to only look at male/female and disregards other demographics.

For example, many black men are significantly less privileged than the typical white middle class feminist, but they get around this by lumping all men together and ignoring the fact that George Floyd's life is very different to Bill Gates'.

Similarly, you can't just dismiss a violent homophobic assault on a young gay man just because his attacker was male.

@TooBigForMyBoots can you elaborate on what you mean there please?

[quote CBUK2K2]@youvegottenminuteslynn That’s a heart breaking statistic but still a vanishingly small number when you consider we live in a country of nearly 70 million. The fear far outweighs the risk.

Almost all infanticide is commuted by women. How would you feel if men started saying mothers should be chaperoned at all times when with their children?[/quote]
After women have a baby they are visited by health visitors to check they are coping and the baby is safe. They have midwives throughout the pregnancy checking the same thing. Safeguards are in place. They don't always stop terrible things happening but there is a system in place to ensure mothers are not left to have babies with no outsider checking things are safe for that baby.

And it isn't a 'vanishingly' small number of women who are subject to rape, sexual assault and sexual harassment. I shared some stats from ONS and YouGov upthread if you're genuinely interested in being more informed on this subject.

One in forty women aged 25 and under say they've been raped.

Male violence against women and girls is widespread. To deny that is ridiculous to the point you would be trolling to deny it.