To say there are some decent men

[Poppyscone]

I know there are many threads about how shit men are. It may be a shit partner not helping, abused by a stranger, sexism etc etc etc.

But to say some men are decent. My DH said this morning re the policemen just sentenced “we men are mostly basically shit aren’t we”
I told him he was one of the good ones and the good ones need to carry on trying to challenging these men who basically hate women
My DH had challenged many men over their behaviour towards women including dropping friendships.

I have epilepsy and DH had always had my back and supported me. Done more then his fare share with kids including most night feeds as well as working full time which I can do. Letting me sleep and recover after a seizure and taking charge without complaining.

He always make me feel good about myself, never pesters for sex and is a good dad.

Yep sure he had his faults he is a bit disorganised and he seems to think dirty clothes belong on the bedroom floor (but does pick them up when asked)
He snores like a machine gun and I have to wear earplug but on the whole he is a decent bloke and I am sure there are many more out there. I would just like to here about them

Everyone thinks their husbands/sons/brothers are the "good ones". Clearly some people are wrong.

My DM certainly was wrong. My F was sexually abusing my DSis and me under her nose and she knew nothing about it. She’s a very intelligent woman, too, so if she can have the wool pulled over her eyes, so can anyone.

I do trust my judgement where my DH is concerned; he’s never given me reason to think otherwise. But he doesn’t expect me to jump to his defence whenever male violence is spoken about; he doesn’t get defensive as he knows that we’re not talking about him but about men as a class.

@TheVanguardSix

Everyone thinks their brothers/fathers/sons/partners are the decent ones though

Yep! Currently- and this'll bring some sunshine to the day- my SIL, my daughter's godfather, and a close male family friend have all rallied around my STBXH as he cries 'poor me! After 30 years of being an upstanding GP, I got caught sexually abusing my own daughter. Nobody knew for 4 years and now I'm in big trouble because I got caught. Boo hoo! Poor widdle me!'

As for my abused daughter, not a soul on her father's side of the family is supporting her. He's a 'good brother' they keep saying... a good uncle... a good man. He has a good side!! He's not all bad. This sexual abuse is a bad part of him but the whole of him is good. Yada fucking yada yada yada.
I want to stab myself in the eyes!
Where's that Lee Evans 'talking shit, talking shit, talking shit' meme when I need it?

Jeez how awful for your daughter and you....

Really hope the detractors see your STBXH who he ACTUALLY Is, rather than theur fantasy of him.

And this kind of proves the point.. Of the NAMALT threads... Yes we KNOW that... But the issue we can't tell... Event those we live with, under our noses can be mysogynist abusers.

[quote TheReluctantPhoenix]@CandyLeBonBon,

I find it fascinating that so many people don’t think one of the most important influences (if not the most important) on boys is their mother.

It is as if mothers just want to step away from their sons’ behaviour and blame other men.

Society is complex and we all have lots of things that make us who we are.

This idea that women are minnows in a shark tank, when most choose to live with and breed with the ‘sharks’ and that we can cut a neat line between the sexes and blame men for male behaviour even though most of us have brought them up..,..

It is just, to me, fascinating…[/quote]
So women are to blame for poor male behaviour?

Oh look. We've come full circle!

🙄

Men don't learn sleazy locker room talk from their mothers. They don't learn to jokingly discuss whether a woman is fuckable and to rate her out of 10 for her body parts from their mothers. Women don't learn to watch violent porn from their mothers.

@CandyLeBonBon,

Women are not solely to blame, men are not solely to blame.

Men and women just don’t separate neatly into two classes, as many here seem to believe.

Yes, of course, there are a lot of good and decent men. Thing is many of the men you hear about on here treating their partners poorly are probably not that bad most of the time either, or they may be quite decent with the right person. I’m sure my husband could identify specific incidents that would make me sound like a complete bitch too. It’s just a moment in time. It doesn’t mean all men are dreadful, it doesn’t even mean that these particular men are dreadful all the time by any means.

It’s a very small minority of women who hate all men all of the time.

[quote TheReluctantPhoenix]@CandyLeBonBon,

Women are not solely to blame, men are not solely to blame.

Men and women just don’t separate neatly into two classes, as many here seem to believe.[/quote]
I'm afraid I plant the blame for raping and murdering women solely at the feet of people doing the raping and murdering.

@MakingM

Yes, of course, there are a lot of good and decent men. Thing is many of the men you hear about on here treating their partners poorly are probably not that bad most of the time either, or they may be quite decent with the right person. I’m sure my husband could identify specific incidents that would make me sound like a complete bitch too. It’s just a moment in time. It doesn’t mean all men are dreadful, it doesn’t even mean that these particular men are dreadful all the time by any means.

It’s a very small minority of women who hate all men all of the time.

Oh,... and a correspondingly very small minority of men who hate all women all of the time.

@CandyLeBonBon,

Me too, the people, not their sex.

I have given you examples of where female behaviour damages males:in schools, in workplaces and, I suspect, in some homes here where sons are brought up feeling potential violent bullies and rapists.

I read that article. I find is astonishing that you believe that girls performing well in school in and of itself damages men. You aren't even trying to hide what you feel about women. And you have the gall to say men and women don't divide equally into two classes - clearly you divide them like that and you put them in a zero sum game where female achievement damages men because men then aren't the winners as they should be.

@Pallisers

I have given you examples of where female behaviour damages males:in schools, in workplaces and, I suspect, in some homes here where sons are brought up feeling potential violent bullies and rapists.

I read that article. I find is astonishing that you believe that girls performing well in school in and of itself damages men. You aren't even trying to hide what you feel about women. And you have the gall to say men and women don't divide equally into two classes - clearly you divide them like that and you put them in a zero sum game where female achievement damages men because men then aren't the winners as they should be.

👏👏👏

@Pallisers and @youvegottenminuteslynn,

It is not girls performing well that damages boys. That, in itself, is great.

It is the acceptance of failure that is problematic. The attitude that comes through loud and clear is that boys failing is intrinsic and, in fact, some form of victory.

There was a lot of support put in for girls when they underperform and, in certain areas, such as STEM, that is still the case.

The lack of reading by boys, and particularly white working class boys, is only just starting to be tackled.

It is also an increasing attitude in schools that girls work hard and boys are lazy and naughty that then becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

It is great that girls are doing so well but, equally, problematic that boys aren’t.

Remind me again what NAMALT jumps we leapt through to get from vawg to the reading skills of white working class boys?

@FourTeaFallOut

Remind me again what NAMALT jumps we leapt through to get from vawg to the reading skills of white working class boys?

We're jumping through ALLLLL the hoops on this one! The mental gymnastics are exhausting. Tell me again it's our fault as a mothers that men rape and kill!!! 🙄

so when you said that you have given examples of female behaviour damaging males you meant something entirely different that has nothing to do with misandry. right.

It is great that girls are doing so well but, equally, problematic that boys aren’t

It is great that NAMALT but, equally, problematic that 9/10 killers in England and Wales are male, 98.5% of rapists are male, in 2020 the ONS estimated that 4.9 million women have been victims of sexual assault in their lifetime, 1.4 million of whom were raped and one in 40 women under the age of 24 said they had been raped.

Those figures don't even take into account sexual harassment, which a recent poll by YouGov for UN Women reported was experienced by 7 out of 10 women and 9 out of 10 young women. One in five women have faced indecent exposure. Four out of ten have been groped. 50% have faced sexual harassment at work.

Have a think about those figures and think about why women might be invested in voicing their anger at the way THEY are treated without having to always caveat it with an issue men face too.

When someone is fundraising for breast cancer research do you accuse them of monopolising public sympathy and tell them they should always mention cancers more frequently experienced by men at the same time they fundraise for predominantly female cancer types? After all, why should womens cancer charities get money that could go to men's ones too? Of course you don't. Because it would be ridiculous.

@FourTeaFallOut

Remind me again what NAMALT jumps we leapt through to get from vawg to the reading skills of white working class boys?

Gymastics worthy of Simone Biles. Dont give a flying fuck abt the reading skills of white working class boys just now when Met Police is trying to victim blame women.

YANBU
You've got a good'en there and I'm pleased to say I have too.

@youvegottenminuteslynn,

Then start a thread to express your anger.

The OP started this thread to be positive about most men. It is not for you to tell those that agree with the OP to cease and desist.

I also actually struggle to believe that most on here, living with men and with sons, actually believe the bile that they post anonymously on here. It is all for the 👏…

Oh I give up! 🙄😡😡😡

@TheReluctantPhoenix

So no thoughts on those stats I shared? No openness to learning about why women reacted in the way they did to this thread? No actual giving a fuck, just a desire to make sure nobody forgets that boys and men can struggle with some stuff too? Nobody has said boys and men don't have any struggles.

I can only assume you know some men who don't stand up to 'the bad guys' and that's why you're so defensive in this area.

It's genuinely very, very strange. Baffling especially coming from a woman. I'm quite happy posting on this thread thanks, happily it's an open forum which is why you're perfectly entitled to post the nonsense and mental gymnastics we've endured 🤷🏻‍♀️

it is "bile" to express disgust at the systemic violence toward women and girls and ask that men be part of the solution?

All that's left is for me to smugly trot out my DS,.who as far as I know hasn't raped or assaulted anyone, and congratulate myself that my parenting skills are better than Mrs Couzens'. Some posters are so spectacularly missing the point in their rush to overlook male violence and blame everything from their mothers to their poor reading skills.

@Pallisers

it is "bile" to express disgust at the systemic violence toward women and girls and ask that men be part of the solution?

Apparently so.

Staggering isn't it? And no response to or empathy shown for the heartbreaking statistics on this that I shared, just attributing it to 'bile' given for applause...

As a woman and a survivor myself I'm disgusted tbh.

Some people aren't open to actually listening and learning. Just making sure everyone knows NAMALT. As if we don't know that already. It shouldn't need saying. It doesn't need saying.

It's all so depressingly anti-women's voices.

[quote TheReluctantPhoenix]@youvegottenminuteslynn,

Then start a thread to express your anger.

The OP started this thread to be positive about most men. It is not for you to tell those that agree with the OP to cease and desist.

I also actually struggle to believe that most on here, living with men and with sons, actually believe the bile that they post anonymously on here. It is all for the 👏…[/quote]
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