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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to celebrate son’s birthday instead of his uncle’s 30th?

371 replies

Headsup101 · 30/09/2021 12:34

My son and brother-in-law both share the same birthday. This has never caused any problems in the past, however this year my MIL wants to have a family lunch/party as it is BIL’s 30th. This will be on their actual birthday and will be with a lot of family that we don’t really see or are that close to.
My MIL doesn’t make a huge fuss of our kids and I feel our son (who will be 9) will be overlooked. Plus it will be awkward if people are bringing presents for BIL but not our son.
I’ve not mentioned this to my husband yet as can’t face an argument, but AIBU to want to celebrate our son’s birthday at home instead of with them?

OP posts:
rookiemere · 30/09/2021 16:15

It would be good if the OP came back.

If MIL wants uncles 30th to be main focus of the occasion but there can be birthday cake and mention of DSs birthday then that's fine IMHO.

No mention and pretending that it's not a 9 year olds actual birthday is pretty poor and not something I'd subject my DC to tbh.

GreyhoundG1rl · 30/09/2021 16:15

Imagine telling your 9yr old Son that your ignoring his Birthday until tomorrow because unfortunately its also your ManChild uncles 30th...

WTAF .. 🤣

Lots of Child haters on here today 😂

Your posts are incredibly odd, unless you are in fact 9 years old yourself?

Having a meal with the extended family does not equate to ignoring the child's birthday. There are more than two hours in the day.

Cas112 · 30/09/2021 16:15

YABU

Youseethethingis · 30/09/2021 16:15

How many times between age 5 and 18 does the average child have a birthday which falls on a weekend day? (Excluding birthdays which always fall during school holidays)
How many times during the average lifespan does a person celebrate a Very Important Decade Birthday?
🤔

GreyhoundG1rl · 30/09/2021 16:16

No mention and pretending that it's not a 9 year olds actual birthday is pretty poor and not something I'd subject my DC to tbh.
I doubt that's entered anybody's mind but op's, tbh...

QueenBee52 · 30/09/2021 16:16

@gannett

Imagine telling your 9yr old Son that your ignoring his Birthday until tomorrow because unfortunately its also your ManChild uncles 30th...

Did I miss a key post about the uncle or are you always in the habit of tossing around nasty epithets about people on no evidence whatsoever?

He's turning 30 and a party is being arranged for him. Put him in the stocks!!!

😂🤣

QueenBee52 · 30/09/2021 16:19

@GreyhoundG1rl

Imagine telling your 9yr old Son that your ignoring his Birthday until tomorrow because unfortunately its also your ManChild uncles 30th...

WTAF .. 🤣

Lots of Child haters on here today 😂

Your posts are incredibly odd, unless you are in fact 9 years old yourself?

Having a meal with the extended family does not equate to ignoring the child's birthday. There are more than two hours in the day.

we prioritise Children in our families .. and extended families..

we believe that they should enjoy these birthdays as they are Children..

LukeEvansWife · 30/09/2021 16:25

we prioritise Children in our families .. and extended families..

we believe that they should enjoy these birthdays as they are Children..

Fucking hell Grin Grin nobody is suggesting that the child doesn't get to have a birthday, just that a small time in the middle of the day be about someone else as well as him.

QueenBee52 · 30/09/2021 16:26

@LukeEvansWife

we prioritise Children in our families .. and extended families..

we believe that they should enjoy these birthdays as they are Children..

Fucking hell Grin Grin nobody is suggesting that the child doesn't get to have a birthday, just that a small time in the middle of the day be about someone else as well as him.

if its only 2 hours then yes ..

LukeEvansWife · 30/09/2021 16:30

That doesn't actually make any sense? what do you mean?

BeeDavis · 30/09/2021 16:30

So your son’s birthday is special but she isn’t allowed to celebrate her son’s birthday? 30th is a big birthday for most, I think you’re being a bit silly to be honest.

LukeEvansWife · 30/09/2021 16:32

Uncle was 21 when OP's DS was born. What is the betting that he didn't get a family celebration then?

Lockdownbear · 30/09/2021 16:34

I wonder if Op has actually read any responses 🤔 or if she's even coming back.

Loads of people must share birthdays with other family members, after all their is only 365 days in a year.

Abraxan · 30/09/2021 16:36

@Auroreforet

Why is a 30th a big birthday? 21, 40 or 60 maybe. I would put a 9 year old first.
This.

I don't see why 30 (or 40/50) is considered a 'big birthday' tbh.

I'd consider big birthdays as children's birthdays (esp 1st, 16th), 18th and 21st], and then 60 as the next big adult birthday.

But then I can't think of anything worse than a massive party for my own birthday, and being centre of attention etc.

I'd celebrate adult birthdays at home with immediate family but that's it.

However, if there is a big party then dh may wish to go as it's his family. How would your day feel about it? Could dh talk to his mum about not ignoring the fact it's also DST's birthday - so maybe he could have some form of acknowledgment at the party too.

AudacityBaby · 30/09/2021 16:54

Crikey, this is all a bit Won't Somebody Think of The Children!

I was born on my late grandmother's birthday and one of my favourite memories was having the annual birthday lunch as a family, and arriving and immediately getting to wish each other happy birthday. If anything it made my birthday feel even more special, even if a birthday lunch at a nice restaurant wasn't what I'd have chosen to do as a kid.

I find it difficult to imagine your extended family all conspiring to literally ignore your DS' birthday, at your MIL's bidding, so I'm guessing what you mean is that you're concerned your DS won't be the centre of attention all day long. He'll survive, though - promise.

(Also worth remembering that his uncle probably didn't get a 21st celebration that was all about him - and that's a big milestone birthday).

FinallyHere · 30/09/2021 16:55

it's pretty tough for a 9yo to be expected to spend their actual birthday celebrating someone else's.

Goodness.

Resilience is so useful in life.

GnomeDePlume · 30/09/2021 17:24

Doesnt it all depend on how close the extended family is?

By the sounds of it DMiL isnt close to her GCs. Does DBiL actually know it is his DN's birthday? I dont know when my DN's bithdays are.

If this is the case and DMiL is only focussed on her DS then she may not have registered that it is GC's birthday as well (or not think that it matters).

Equally DBiL may not give two hoots about his 30th birthday and this is all DMiLs doing.

Peoniesandpeaches · 30/09/2021 17:30

@LukeEvansWife

Uncle was 21 when OP's DS was born. What is the betting that he didn't get a family celebration then?
And this is why I have no relationship with my family member now. Not only did my birth shit on his 21st totally overshadowing it as his parents had to ditch him to go look after my siblings but he was never allowed to feel it was his day ever again. I remember we had a family party ostensibly to celebrate both our birthdays but he got no gifts and the cake was a kids cake (don’t even think he got to blow out the candles). I feel quite sorry for him.
BoredZelda · 30/09/2021 19:34

I think you’re being a bit U, sorry.

Can you not do both? What does your son feel about it? Or does his birthday matter more to you?

Unreasonable to think her 9 year olds birthday is more important to her than her BILs? You think a 9 year old would say, “don’t worry mother, I’d much rather my birthday was ignored because of my uncle”

Seriously, this place is so messed up.

BoredZelda · 30/09/2021 19:37

Resilience is so useful in life.

Oh bugger off with this. “Resilience” is used when adults want to shit on kids for their own convenience. Ignoring a kid’s birthday doesn’t foster resilience it breeds resentment.

WhiskeyNeverStartsToTasteNice · 30/09/2021 19:38

@BoredZelda

I think you’re being a bit U, sorry.

Can you not do both? What does your son feel about it? Or does his birthday matter more to you?

Unreasonable to think her 9 year olds birthday is more important to her than her BILs? You think a 9 year old would say, “don’t worry mother, I’d much rather my birthday was ignored because of my uncle”

Seriously, this place is so messed up.

If my own child's birthday didn't matter more to me than my adult BIL's, I think there'd be something seriously wrong!
notanothertakeaway · 30/09/2021 19:41

YABU

You can easily celebrate both birthdays

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 30/09/2021 19:49

The OP has posted once. That's all. People deciding that the 9 year old will be ignored if he attends the 30 year old uncle's party are making this up.

Seriously, this place can be so hysterical.

LukeEvansWife · 30/09/2021 19:52

Seriously, this place can be so hysterical.

'Hysterical?' It would appear that it's misogynistic too

pussycatlickinglollyices · 30/09/2021 19:56

YANBU 30 is just a birthday for an adult been there, done that but when you're 9 your birthday means so more.
Celebrate your DS birthday with some of his mates - cinema, bowling, etc
He won't thank you for being stuck with a load of "oldies" (at 9, anyone older than a teen is ancient) Grin